Is this normal or socially "odd" behavior?

[Ilovelife]

Dd is 3 1/2, very verbal & bright, artistic, enjoys crafts, plays pretend, likes to read books, likes to spin (sit-n-spin, tire swing, etc) and swing, eats & sleeps fine. She has had a few friends for a while now....that is, children of my/dh friends that she sees pretty frequently. She will play nicely and cooperatively with them during playdates, usually just her and one other child (sometimes 3 of them). We have gone to playgroup, swim classes, etc. since she was a baby. Since September she has been going to preschool 2 mornings a week.

When she is in a group (birthday party or 7 kids, preschool class or 15 kids, sometimes at playgroup if she's not involved in an activity with a friend) she seems to get, I dunno, over-stimulated maybe? She will do things like giggle/laugh/screech VERY loudly/shrill, crawl under a table or get on top of a table or bounce on a couch and yell "Look at me." Basically get quite giddy. She won't engage with the other kids much, even if she knows them all very well. At other times she will sit to the side and watch, sucking her fingers.

She has had a few social "issues"/learning experiences at preschool lately. Things like grabbing a friend out of her way when they were both headed to the paint easel, pulling another child off her mat at circle time, yelling/shrieking when another child takes a toy from her, etc. Also she has wet her pants at school twice this year. At home she went through a wetting phase when her brothers were born 9 months ago, but not since then, although she has wet her bed a couple times.

Anyway, I am wondering if the giddiness and lack of engagement with other children is normal for some at this age. Is there anything I could/should do to help her with these types of situations? Or does she just prefer smaller gatherings, or just need more experience with larger groups??? Any ideas or similar experiences would help. Thanks!

[supervee]

It sounds like she is pretty sensitive to noise/crowds, or just people too close or in her space. Could you come up with a way for her to take care of her need for space/quiet that would be a substitute for shrieking? Like, she could say "I need space" or she could go to a particular place at her school for quiet time (reading nook?) or have a secret hand signal that you know means she needs to get a breather? She may be a little young, but if she learns to notice when she's feeling too shook-up by it now, it will help in the long run!

[OakBerry]

Sound like overstimulation to me. You could help her deal with hit by finding something she can do instead, even if it involves playing alone (that was my ds's coping mechanism for overstimulation at large group gatherings) or you could lead her back to an activity with one or two friends.

With my ds, before a big event, we'd talk about what he could do while he was there, and where he could go if he felt he needed to be alone.
For instance, at age 3, he'd start crying and freaking out from all the noise and activity. Going to a friend's house, I knew they had a swingset, and an indoor play room, and which children would be there. So I'd set up a game plan. Example: "you brought your matchbox cars. When you get to the party, you can find Max, and show him your cars. Then maybe you both can go play on the slide, or go in the playroom?" Lots of times he ended up in the playroom alone, but he was happy.
This helped us alot.

[Thalia the Muse]

A lot of kids are kind of overwhelmed in a crowd and either withdraw or get hyper. Especially at such a young age, everything you describe sounds totally normal to me. Talking beforehand is a good idea, but I wouldn't worry much; she's very likely to grow out of it IMO.

[jillmamma]

DS tends to withdraw in a crowd. I agree that it is probably just getting overwhelmed and they just don't quite know how to deal with it.

[LynnS6]

Ditto the overstimulation. And at 3.5, she doesn't really have the skills to identify her issues, just that she's overwhelmed.

I would suggest reading "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine Aron, and also The Out of Sync Child or Sensational Kids. The first book talks about sensitive kids, typical, but sensitive.The latter two talk about kids with Sensory Processing Disorder, where it's more than just being sensitive, it's that the brain doesn't regulate information that's coming in as well.

I've got one of each kind of kid. Our son (our SPD kid) simply cannot calm himself down when he's overstimulated/scared. His brain doesn't "get used" to the stimuli like other kids do. Dd is also sensitive to overstimulation, and initially looks like ds, but she warms up more quickly and 'gets used' to stimuli in a way that ds still doesn't, even after 9 months of occupational therapy (he's a lot better, but his wiring is just different).

The screaming and/or hiding when overstimulated sounds a bit like SPD, but it could just be her reaction to overstimulation. The books I recommended can help you tell.

Pottying accidents at preschool are very common. Our preschool kept a whole set of clothes for kids, just for that reason. They get playing, they get distracted, they get embarrased about needing to go, who knows?

[ColoradoMama]

Lynn, I was going to post about SPD, too. I just read an article about it, and a friend's daughter is dealing with this. She has been getting therapy for it, and it is helping in a big way. The therapist has her doing things like brushing (using a soft, plastic brush on her body), pulling things behind her in a wagon, etc. I watched this kiddo before and after school last year, and I can tell you first hand what an awesome difference these things are making for her. I would suggest looking into SPD and the things to do to help it. I don't know if it's SPD, of course, not a professional here, but it can't hurt to check into it! Good luck.

[evomom]

mama of out of sync child!!!

im a proud mom of a beautiful almost 6yo dd who had many of same issues / still has. gets overstimulated easily ( preschool teacher reported that when kids went on plgrnd, dd would sit and fill and dump sand bucket repaetedly while all others were running, climbing,etc) - social issues in preschool - pushing, became class bully essentially ( for " no reason" ) - had other issues - she started pK when she was 3 almost 4 - ended up getting evals for everything on school's insistence - autism, ADHD, Asperger's - ended up diagnosed with SPD - life is different but good - after more than a yr of OT we know what's what and how to deal - how to let her learn to rgulate herself - we ended up taking her out of pK before the yr was over - and have started our homeschooling journey - structured school 7 hrs a day was too much - she is much happier now - read the out of sync child definitely! contact me if you want to know more - and love the heck out of her!!!!:

[Ilovelife]

Thank you! Very helpful. Yes, she is sensitive to noise/crowds for sure. Sometimes I do try to "plan" ahead with her and I have seen that work, but I'm not consistent with it. I only have done it for "new" activities, not for things we do every week, for example.

I read the Highly Sensitive Child & some of it definitely is dd, although some of it not so much. I will read the Out of Sync Child to learn more about SPD. Thank you for that info. Either way, it's nice to hear from all of you that your dc are similar. The dumping sand on the playground....dd just swings. Always swinging. The other kids are running around, playing together, whatever. She just swings!!! (And loves it )

And evomom, no worries about loving her too little!!