I'm willing to give this a shot, but we do differ in philosophy, which makes it hard. The foundation for GD, in my experience, has been a shift in my assumptions/expectations/paradigm/whatever you want to call it. I'm sort of taking your request as a challenge, which is fun -- but skeptical as to how helpful it will be. (I do think you'd like the gentle christian mothers forums that Pat recommended.)
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| 1. I want my kids to obey us. |
I call it "cooperate" instead of "obey." Functionally, the results look the same. In terms of felt respect, I think that we experience it differently.
We have an agreed upon "way" for doing this, and it works because DH and I answer to these same rule, or sets of expecations, and the kids have bought into it. If someone is asked to do something, and they don't want to do it, they can question/challenge the "asker." But they may not walk away, and they may not ignore. So if I ask my son to pick up his toys, the expectation is that he will either do it, or tell my why he doesn't want to do it and have a conversation with me about it. If he does not respond in one of those two ways, I remind him about the "way" we do things around here, and I remind him that I listen to him when he asks something of me.
Generally speaking, the boys find it easier to do what they are asked than to engage in a long disscussion about why they don't want to!
On the rare occassion that it does become a big discussion, I am either able to convince them, or they are able to convince me. And yes, sometimes I decide that I can back down.
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| 2. I want my kids to be respectful to us and to each other. I don't want them to backsass. When they answer us or each other in a disrespectful or mean way, I say: "What's a better way we could say that?" |
That strikes me as perfectly reasonable. This is about personal boundries. There is no need to let our kids mistreat us just because they are our kids.
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| 3. I want my boys to do their schoolwork. |
I was homeschooled, by my parents did not GD. Not by any stretch. It was traumatic to grow up in a household where we could be punished or spanked for not doing our work. And our relationship with our mom was constantly impacted by power struggles surrounding school work.
My own kids go to school, but even with just homework, I refuse to make it a fight with them. I help them with time, space, and organization. I keep them company. I give help when it is asked for, but I do not fight. If it doesn't get done -- then fine. Their choice. Their responsiblity. So much of the learning process occurs in spheres that are separate from their actual "seatwork." I have perfect confidence that they will get what they need educationally, whether they are forced to do it in the perscribed way or not.
The only thing I can suggest is to look for ways to increase independence. I remember what finally "worked" for me was to have index cards for each school work task, and to move them to the back of the file box as I completed them. It removed the power struggle, by giving me an agenda to focus on instead of constant demands from my mom.
For your 6 yo. -- you might do some reading about montessori methods. He might do better with educational manipulatives, as opposed to pencil and paper work.
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| 4. Attitude. Important. Very important. |
Eh, well..... I think any group of people living together needs to pretty constantly forgive each other on this one. Its hard to have a constructive attitude all the time. I know I can't do it. Its fine to set boundries, and ask for respectful treatment (see above) but just by living with each other day in and day out -- you get to see each other's bad sides pretty often. We learn to tolerate and forgive a certain level, and voice our feelings when the limits are crossed. Does that make any sense?
Also, mom's attitude will often set the pace for the day. Its worthwhile to check yourself when you notice a problem with the kid's attitude. Does that make sense? If you make step up to the plate with good cheer, playfullness, etc. -- they will often follow suit.
Plus, they need to get enough sleep, enough fresh air, enough healthy food, enough exersize, etc... and all that affects attitude profoundly. So, really, a lot of it is your responsibility to facilitate.
Your food plan sounds fine. I don't see a problem there. And it doesn't sound like you are having a problem??
