When did my 7 yr old turn into a teenager?

[SquirelNutkin]

My daughter is just over 7, and the oldest of 3, with boys aged 4 adn 1.
We are dealing a lot with things that sound very teenager-ish.
I hear "you arent the boss of me." and such items to say that i have no power over her.
If you are talking not nice to me, than i can scream at you (when i sit her down and seriously explain what i ahve issue with)
A lot of disrespecting to me.
You make me angry, so i can make you angry.

So, part of it is the power issue. And of course, she is right, i dont have any power over her! I tell her there are conseuquences for everything. Unfortunatly, she seems to have taken this to heart, and the consequences arent always natural- but things she imposes. (She says to me and her brother- if you keep tlaking to me like this, than i will hit you....)

And part of it is that she gets her feelings hurt when i do say that she cant talk to me in a certain way or such. And she cant draw the line (or purposely doesnt) between someone have a reasonable anger and reactionary anger.

I feel completely inept at dealing, and cant find any books that address this age!
We homeschool, so i guesse I expereince a lot of this.
It ahs made me consider school. I dont want to be in a power play with my daughter! But, i dont know that that would change. I think there is a personailty issue going on (ah, my sister was like thsi!).
Anyhow, HELP!
brenda

[Mama Poot]

Wow...I'm wow-ing at the fact you homeschool! I was going to say without a doubt she picked up these disrespectful attitudes from classmates. How about her friends around the neighborhood? What are they like? Is she somehow sneaking watching television and things like MTV and picking it up there? ( I ask that because I tried to sneak tv when I was her age ) I want you to know I am not making any assumptions here about your personal life before I ask the next question, ok? How are things between you and your husband/partner? Do you tell him/her things like "You can't tell me whatt to do with xyz..." are there ever control issues or power struggles between the two of you? Even if they are trivial, which almost all relationships have, your daughter could be using that as a model for her behavior. All I'm saying is that kids don't do things or say things for no reason. This is coming from somewhere, you just need to find the source. HTH!

[jgmommo]

Your title completely resonated with me. I have a 7yr old dd who is the same way.

THe Ames and Ilig "Your 7 yr old" book helped me understand a little better. For me, the biggest thing has been controlling my reaction and understanding that her rudeness is really a cry for help. I also try to use the calm times to talk about how it hurts my feelings, etc.

One thing that also helped her begin to get the effects of talking meanly and rudely to people was that she said something like, "I hate you and don't want to be your friend anymore" to the granddd of my neighbor (who visits her grandmother occasionally on weekends). This girl apparently took her seriously and for a few months, when she would visit the grandmother, if the grandmother asked if she wanted to see if my dd was available to play, she'd say no. Finally, the friend explained to the grandmother what happened and she told me. I asked dd about it. Her first reaction was to be mad at the other girl for not realizing she just said it in anger. Then it hit her how it made the other girl feel and that she may have lost that friendship and she burst into tears. We talked even more about it and the next weekend, she invited the girl over and they had a ton of fun. But I can see her thinkikng a little more before she reacts, so maybe that was a good lesson for her. I know you can't (and wouldn't want to ) orchestrate something like that for your dd but I just say it to give some hope...something I feel in need of often!