Sibling Unrivalry?

[mamanicki]

Ok help! We recently returned home with our newly adopted daughter. It was a long time in the waiting and my 4 year old DS who has anxiously awaited a sister for years.

He has been so loving and sweet since he met her and has never resented her or been outwardly jealous. But omg, he just loves her TOO much. I resisted reacting because who complains about such things?!? But it has now been 10 weeks and he is still always in her face, covering her in kisses and all over her. She can't stand it but isn't big enough to defend herself and he is totally missing her cues. It is driving me insane. We have talked about it endlessly but he really seems to have absolutely zero self-control when he sees her. He just must get up in her face and squeeze her and kiss her and huge her and love on her. It is sweet, really. But annoying too. And I have found myself getting more and more frustrated with him which I hate.

He does very helpful things - will fetch her diapers and even give her a bottle in the car when she needs to eat. He is also perpetually on "baby patrol" to make sure nothing chokable is within reach. He is VERY protective of her but he just isn't getting that, these days, he is the very thing he is trying to protect her from!

How do I get him to back off and give her some space without squelching his love for her? He's almost 5 and he's not an impulsive kid, per se. But when it comes to his sister, he sure is! So far all my gentle tactics are not working.

[Twocoolboys]

Wow! I could have written that post almost word for word after ds2 was born! Ds1 was just about five and he was the exact same way with his little brother. I talked to him countless times about boundries and personal space. He really didn't stop doing that until his brother was older and screaming at him or hitting him to get away. And, it became funny as the baby turned into a toddler who was getting into everything. Ds1 was so overprotective, he sounded like an old-fashioned grandmother sometimes. It was (and is) so cute when he does that.

One thing that I remember doing if the baby really needed/wanted to be left alone and big brother just wasn't getting it - I'd ask him to draw a picture for his little brother. We had several drawings tacked to the wall. He even made him a calendar - lol.

Now, the tables have turned a little. Ds2 wants his brother's attention and is starved for it by the time Ds1 gets off the school bus. He really doesn't know how to get his attention in a positive way and breaks his lego things or hits him, etc. So, we are working on that. I am trying to get Ds1 to spend 15 minutes or so just playing with his little brother any way that little brother wants to play. The days he does do that are awesome. They are both so happy and laughing.

[UUMom]

LOL I know it's frustrating...but it brought me back to when we welcomed our second child when our oldest was 4. It was the same scenario. It did pass.

The interesting thing, too, is even now, 14 years later, there is still no sib rivarly between them. It was destiny, I tell you. Have patience and do gently let him know that too much can be upsetting or over -stimulating to the baby. He'll start to get that.

When my youngest was born,the next baby was 5, and it was similar. He even insisted that kisses made babies grow. I mean, how cute was that. But it did get a bit annoying, and if the baby seemed upset and squirmed, I pointed that out to him. "She loves you baby, but all those kisses can get a bit much. You know how it is when I want to kiss all over" And then we would giggle about that together.

[FLmom_3]

It is very sweet but I do understand your frustration. My oldest (now 11) is impulsive and we have had that problem since she was 3 and her 1st sister was born. At about 4 yrs. old, we began to talk with her about "personal space" and pointed out how at times she might get irritated in the same situation. We made sure to let her know that it by no means meant the baby, or anyone else for that matter, didn't love her but discussed reactions to look for when it may be "too much" at that moment. It helped a bit, but I must admit, even now we still have to remind her by gently saying "personal space" when she does the same to her 2nd sister who is now 3. It is much easier with the 2nd sister, though, because she is very good at expressing her emotions and will let her know in a way that isn't so nice when she is "crossing her line". I am working on that one too - one day we'll get it down, though, right? lol

Hope it helps some but I am going to keep an eye on this post in case someone else has something that actually gets it to stop before the child is 11! lol

[mamanicki]

Wow, just knowing I'm not alone and that it will pass eventually helps a LOT. She is my fourth baby and I've been fortunate to avoid sibling rivalry of any kind with the others as well. But they were never ever like this, either. They loved their siblings but were more interested in themselves and their own interests. So I think after all these years of parenting babies, this is a shock to my system. haha.

I thought, at first, it was sweet. All my boys were doting all over the new baby. They even fought over who got to give her the most attention. I figured the honeymoon would wear off and it did for my older kids. They are still in love with the baby and want to spend time with her but they seem like naturals in the 'personal space/boundaries' areas. Not so much with the little guy.

I like the idea of giving him more "go away" things to do for her. I'm not sure there are enough trees left in the world for him to draw pictures every time he gets in her face - haha - but I'll have to come up with a rotating list of diversions. He LOVES to do things for her and help. It is a great idea.

I have a feeling it will go exactly like someone posted: some day the tables will turn and he will not understand why his little sister is all over him! I have wondered if he was doing any damage by not respecting her personal space but she seems to love him regardless so I think she'll survive