concerned family asking dd too many questions

[LdyBluNH@aol]

i'm not certain how to handle this situation. i had hoped it would die down but it doesn't seem to be.

one of the grandmothers was on the phone today and dd wanted to talk to her, the interrogation went something like:

gm - i hear you're doing sentences in school now
dd - yes some [it wasnt today so it honestly wasnt in her immediate memory]
gm - so whats a noun?
dd - i dont know
gm - you havent learned about a noun yet? then what have you learned?
dd - we didnt do school today
gm - you didnt? well what are you reading?
dd - i don't read books much

the whole thing is headed for trainwreck status so i help to remind dd we had baked today and that we discussed fractions

so she relays this to gm and of course couldn't be heard because of the cell phone which created more confusion

i understand they are confused and uncertain about this whole homeschool thing. i guess what bothers me is the questions don't ever sound like trying to have conversation they end up sounding more like an interrogation with a goal. i know they need school to look like public school but its not. and i'm really put off that dd is put in the position of having to answer stuff esp. given she's only eight. if we didn't do the lesson in the last hour, it really doesn't stick in her memory.

i flat out told dd today that she doesn't have to have these conversations if she wants she can flat out say "i dont really remember, you can ask dad"

if she were in ps this year they would of course ask "what are you studying" but i dont think it would be to such a persistent degree and honestly when she was in ps she couldn't ever remember what was done so i could hear about it at 3pm

[lotusmamma]

We get this too. My mother says things on teh phone to my daughter like "if you went to school you might learn something" and told me the problem was that my 6.5yo daughter can't read and informed me that she asked her to read something the other day and she couldn't. The truth is she is reading all the time and progressing well, not being in school she doesn't need to be an independent reader at any set time, and she'd be in kindergarten if she were in school and many of the kids her age would be reading at the same level.

We just take these times as an opportunity to explain to our kids how other people who don't understand homeschooling are hung up about learning only in a school like fashion and we then get to discuss the various ways of learning, how learning happens all the time, how some people are so stuck in their thinking that they can't understand another's way of thinking or learning. They know she is just ignorant about home ed. We'd love it if we had her support and understanding but we don't so my kids are also learning to tolerate adn accept people how they are rather than how we'd like them to be.

She has other funny ideas like that kids shouldn't wear navy blue or should be in bed at a certain time so we lump her ignorant comments about home ed in with those other eccentric ideas.

Just let it wash over you and remember that it's not your mother who has to be satisfied with home ed and how much your daughter is learning and in what fashion - it's just between you and your daughter. Your mother made her educational choices for her kids which I presume was institutional schooling and you are making yours.

Cheers
Sam in Sydney

[um_hanna]

unfortunetly i can so relate, we get this all the time. it really gets old, i dont ask my neice who is in school, did you do so and so today, you did , oh lool. i wish they would just back off. It makes it where hanna is lying to them , saying oh im doing homework right now, where i correct her and remind her what we did and not to lie. sad they put our kids under these stressful situations and not just see what they are blossoming at *sigh*

[love2bmom]

Ugh. I'm going through this type of thing for the first time right now. DS's youth group leader asked him where he goes to school. "Oh, homeschool. Tell your mommy that memorizing your verses needs to be part of your school day."
He's 6 1/2! Go figure, we move to a new town and he gets a public school teacher for a youth group leader. :

[luvmybabies]

Ack!! That would drive me crazy!! I'm not sure what I'd do. Stay strong knowing you're doing the right thing for your family.

[um_hanna]

Originally Posted by CarolinaHomeschool

Please go to my FAQs area at http://www.carolinahomeschooler.com/faq.htm, click on the Anti-Homeschooling Sentiments & Other Issues section, and scroll down to the How to handle people who quiz your children question. It will give you strategies on how to deal with this common problem.

Let me know if it helps you!

Warmly,
Dianna

thanks for this link, i will be cking it out

[love2bmom]

Thanks for the link!

[2tadpoles]

I've told a couple of people that my kids aren't circus ponies and they don't do tricks.

If you smile, use a chipper voice and tilt your head when you say it, it doesn't sound quite so rude.

[townmouse]

Nobody's ever quizzed my kids, but whenever I read these threads the same thought comes to mind.

Why not turn it around? Teach the child "questions for grownups"

1. Who was the 13th president of the USA?
2. What is the legal BAC limit in your state?
3. How many servings of grains does the USDA think you need per day?
4. How many grams of fiber?
5. How often should you change your oil?
6. Spell Fallujah.
7. How many troops does the President want?
8. What is the current status of the draft?
9. When preparing for nuclear attack, how much water should you store for a household of 6 people if the household includes one pregnant woman, one nursing mother, 3 children, and an elderly person?
10. Who are the hosts of the Today show?
11. How much does it cost to drive from Amarillo to Buffalo? How much does it cost to fly?

These are all things grownups should know. If they are not learning what they need to know, perhaps they need more oversight.

[Baby Makes 4]

Originally Posted by townmouse

Nobody's ever quizzed my kids, but whenever I read these threads the same thought comes to mind.

Why not turn it around? Teach the child "questions for grownups"

1. Who was the 13th president of the USA?
2. What is the legal BAC limit in your state?
3. How many servings of grains does the USDA think you need per day?
4. How many grams of fiber?
5. How often should you change your oil?
6. Spell Fallujah.
7. How many troops does the President want?
8. What is the current status of the draft?
9. When preparing for nuclear attack, how much water should you store for a household of 6 people if the household includes one pregnant woman, one nursing mother, 3 children, and an elderly person?
10. Who are the hosts of the Today show?
11. How much does it cost to drive from Amarillo to Buffalo? How much does it cost to fly?

These are all things grownups should know. If they are not learning what they need to know, perhaps they need more oversight.

LOL! You just made my evening. That was awesome.

[shaywyn]

Originally Posted by townmouse

Nobody's ever quizzed my kids, but whenever I read these threads the same thought comes to mind.

Why not turn it around? Teach the child "questions for grownups"

1. Who was the 13th president of the USA?
2. What is the legal BAC limit in your state?
3. How many servings of grains does the USDA think you need per day?
4. How many grams of fiber?
5. How often should you change your oil?
6. Spell Fallujah.
7. How many troops does the President want?
8. What is the current status of the draft?
9. When preparing for nuclear attack, how much water should you store for a household of 6 people if the household includes one pregnant woman, one nursing mother, 3 children, and an elderly person?
10. Who are the hosts of the Today show?
11. How much does it cost to drive from Amarillo to Buffalo? How much does it cost to fly?

These are all things grownups should know. If they are not learning what they need to know, perhaps they need more oversight.

Perfect!

[ABand3]

Um, my DH does this to DS when he gets home in the evening, "what did you do in 'school' today?" "What did you learn today". Drives me nuts.

[LdyBluNH@aol]

in the course of talking to dh i was able to refine my thoughts down to its natural for grandma to be interested in the child and her life

i guess if i get her to change anything it would be the questions she asks

things like: what's new; what have you been doing;

are ok with me or even: dad says you worked on senteces, can you tell me about that


because unless its been done in the last twenty minutes, dd does not keep it in her mind as having done the work

i dont know if it will help with your dh or not - sometimes i've done something like at dinner said : today we worked on fractions and talked about eclairs and studied ice so then dh can say: tell me about eclairs!

i like when this happens because when dd tells it back to someone, i get to hear what stuck with her so dh gets to be an important part of hs and not just a hapless witness

[applecore]

I find it so annoying that people who have no idea what they are talking about are the ones who talk the most and loudest! : I would just politely tell her that it is not okay for her to quiz your dd like that and that if she has questions or concerns about your style, to first read up on it. Then you could list some books that pertain to your homeschooling style. Then you could tell her that after she looks into to it you would be happy to answer any additional questions that she may have. People always want you to inform them about what you are doing, but I feel that if they REALLY are concerned enough, they can do the research for themselves. It may sound harsh, but it's not your job to make her feel comfortable. Good luck, as I'm sure it must be a frustrating situation!

[Anglyn]

What utter BS. My first child was in ps until highschool. On any given day you could ask him what he did in school or what he learned that day and the answer was always "nothing" or "I dont know".

If its being done right, it doesnt feel like WORK! I mean, you dont quiz a toddler about how he's learning how to walk and you dont give formal lessons in it, yet somehow they learn.