How do I explain?

[Ruthla]

How can I explain my HS philosophy to others, esp my mother, when I don't quite know it myself?

My Mom (who lives right downstairs from me and owns the house) seems to think that HSing requires 6 hours a day of school type work. Today DD and I went to the mall, and on our way out my Mom asked me why DD was going with me. Um, I'm supposed to leave my 10yo home alone with a writing journal or a project instead of interacting with her, getting exercise, and talking about economics (what we planned to and actually purchased)?

I do have a math textbook for her, but looking through it I see that we can probably cover the entire year's curriculum in about 2 hours total. It's too easy for her and it's boring. But then today she asked me what size snapple would be the right size for a Barbie doll so she ended up doing a fractions/ratio problem spontaneously.

She had a question last week about the difference between reptiles and amphibians. So I got several books out of the library on the topic, she read about one paragraph of one of the books, got her question answered, and promptly lost interest.

Is this OK?

Part of me feels like I should be "doing science" with her, and part of me just wants to trust DD, and let her set the pace. But it's hard to just sit back and trust her when I'm dealing with constant pressure to be "doing school' all the time.

[moominmamma]

What you're doing sounds fine. As for philosophy, you could explain something like this:

"Right now our homeschooling priorities are rekindling her interest in learning, and exploring the flexibility of homeschooling so that we can gradually hone in on what is the best way for her to learn. Unlike schoolteachers, we don't finish our work together in May; what we discover this spring about what makes her tick will keep paying off over the years. There's no point in us rushing into a homeschooling approach that isn't going to work for us just so that we feel we have a system and a schedule. It's not that we're not doing anything ... it's that we're allowing time for natural inclinations and natural interests and a rhythm and approach that feels right to us to bubble to the top. And while we're concentrating on discovering what works for us -- she's learning all the time anyway!"

Miranda

[Serendipity]

the previous poster had very good advice. i just wanted to add that with my 5 yr old, what i did was go to the used bookstore and bought a bunch of different 'science' books on different topics and made a list of the different topics. then i put each topic name in a hat and ds picks a topic for each week. we look at books, or go to a local place that has to do with that topic and do crafts about the topic. Sometimes we run out of things to do in just a couple days, sometimes it takes a week. This week was whales. We looked at books, looked at pics on the internet, went to the aquarium(which doesn't have whales, but still), took out the measuring tape and figured out how big some of them were, talked about what they ate, painted pics, listened to clips of the whale noises etc.

Maybe sit down and have her make a list of things she is interested in learning about...anyway, good luck!

[frogguruami]

A good first step may be to explain to your mom that just because the word "home" is in "homeschooling" doesn't mean that is were the schooling is really done. Some people just get this picture in their head of a separate room with a desk and a chalk board. (Not that there is anything wrong with that if it works) Next you may want to mention that for every hour a child spends in a PS classroom there is only 15 to 30 minutes of actual instruction. (The length of instruction time increases as the grade gets higher.) So just because the local elementary has a 6 or 7 hour day it does not mean they are learning or studying for that length of time. After you subtract lunch, recess, getting in line, going from one subject to the next, waiting for the other 20 kids to finish the same project...a good portion of the day is eaten up. That is another one of those things people don't realize until it is pointed out.

When anyone questions my HSing philosophy I tell them that is is NOT my goal to create knowledgable children. It is my goal to create children that are ready, willing and able to make themselves knowledgable. It is far more important to me to teach them how to aquire the knowledge and give them the skills they need to do so.

[ABand3]

I don't have any advice to add, just that I'm in the same boat . My DH gets that it takes less time to move through the same material, but thinks (along with the 8+ teachers in our exetended family) that homeschool is school at home - sit at the table and do worksheets, math problems, read a book, in the same order and method as at school. If "homeschool" had another name that didn't use the words "home" or "school", we'd be better off.

[AngelBee]

In same boat.....only needing to explain it to Dominick's biological dad

Like it boggles his mind that we woke up at 945-10am today. He thinks we should be up no later then 6am.

[frogguruami]

Originally Posted by ABand3

If "homeschool" had another name that didn't use the words "home" or "school", we'd be better off.

We like to refer to ourselves as "alternative learners"!

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by frogguruami

We like to refer to ourselves as "alternative learners"!

Ohhhh.....I like that

[tboroson]

I think maybe the thing to emphasize is how little time kids in school actually spend *learning*. They spend most of their time lining up and walking down the hall; unpacking their bookbag; running to their lockers; handing out papers and passing them back; etc. etc. Very little time is spent on instruction. I spend very little time "instructing" my daughter, but she knows far more than many kids her age. We work on "instruction" type activities whenever she wants. Sometimes it's for two hours a day. Other times it's none at all for three days. Yet, somehow, she's learning to add (in her head, no less, she's only four and she doesn't count on her fingers to add) and subtract, read and write, she knows a *lot* about her body and flowers and animals and all sorts of things like that.

So, don't focus on what you *are* doing. Focus on what you don't *need* to do - spend 5 hours and 45 minutes out of every six hours doing menial management type activities. You can spend that time teaching your child *real* things - like how to behave in public, how to search for a book at the library, what traffic control things mean on the road, etc. How absurd is it that most of us learned what a stop light means by looking at a picture in a book? I taught my daughter by explaining it to her while I was stopped at a light on my bike. Do I really need to run home and make her do a worksheet about the subject, then?

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by tboroson

So, don't focus on what you *are* doing. Focus on what you don't *need* to do - spend 5 hours and 45 minutes out of every six hours doing menial management type activities. You can spend that time teaching your child *real* things - like how to behave in public, how to search for a book at the library, what traffic control things mean on the road, etc. How absurd is it that most of us learned what a stop light means by looking at a picture in a book? I taught my daughter by explaining it to her while I was stopped at a light on my bike. Do I really need to run home and make her do a worksheet about the subject, then?

Well, DD is 10, not 4. She already knows how to behave in public, what a stop light is, how to calculate unit prices at the grocery store, etc. My Mom's attitude is that DD already knows all this stuff and therefore "needs" to do lots of structured book learning.

I had another talk with my Mom this morning. I had to go downstairs anyway because my toilet was clogged. I explained to her that there are different approaches to home schooling, there's "school at home" and "unschooling" and lots of things in between. Mom is concerned that, if DD wants to go to school again, she won't be "caught up." I pointed out to her that DD doesn't need to be "caught up" in anything. She's reading way above grade level. She's not going to be "behind" in history or current events if she misses something that's supposed to be on the 5th grade curriculum.

The only subject that's truly cumulative is math, and DD has a strong "math mind." I looked through the 6th grade math book my friend lent me, and realized that I could cover all of what DD doesn't yet know in about 2 hours. Add in review of stuff she knows but could probably use a little extra practice on, and it comes to about 3 hours, maybe 4, to cover the entire 6th grade math curriculum- and she's only in 5th grade! In short, just by letting DD read a lot, have access to the internet and the library for research, she's learning more than she would be learning in school! The only thing my Mom was concerned about was the lack of "history class" and suggested I get some historical novels for DD to read in addition to all the fantasy she likes to read. She also wants DD to take art and/or music classes and is willing to pay for them.

All in all, my Mom's not fully convinced that child-led learning is going to work, but she's starting to understand the concept.

[**guest**]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

The only thing my Mom was concerned about was the lack of "history class" and suggested I get some historical novels for DD to read in addition to all the fantasy she likes to read. She also wants DD to take art and/or music classes and is willing to pay for them.

All in all, my Mom's not fully convinced that child-led learning is going to work, but she's starting to understand the concept.

this is wonderful! and such a long way from your first post about waking up on time! your mom is adjusting marvelously!

[momto l&a]

IMO we don't need to explain ourselves to others. By explaining ourselves I feel like we are asking their permission on the matter.

Maybe my thinking is wrong. I am know for being opinionated.

[Ruthla]

Maybe in an ideal world we don't need to explain ourselves to others, but I live with my parents and I don't think it's healthy for me to deal with her constant criticism of how I'm teaching DD. I can't go out to the mall or even the supermarket with DD without my Mom noticing we're both going out and she'll ask me why I'm taking DD with me instead of leaving her home with a written assignment. If my Mom doesn't understand what we're doing and why, it will make life uncomfortable for all of us.

If my parents lived several states away, or even down the block, they wouldn't need to understand our day-to-day lives or my approach to home learning.

[momto l&a]

But if shes set in her ways you can explain till your blue in the face and she will still think your nuts.

Her constant criticism is going to continue till you no longer allow her to question your every move. IMO

But as I said I am opinionated and stubborn.

[Leav97]

Would your Mom be willing to read a book. It might help her to understand.

[moominmamma]

Originally Posted by momto l&a

But if shes set in her ways you can explain till your blue in the face and she will still think your nuts.

It doesn't sound like she's too set in her ways, though, because she's come a long way since a couple of weeks ago, from what Ruthla has written. There's a difference between uninformed and closed-minded and I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt at least at first.

Miranda

[RiceMomma]

Hand her a John Holt book, or something else to read. I really won't discuss it with anyone who is challenging me (like people in the family I have to deal with, ya know,) unless they are willing to put the time and energy into researching the issue along with me. I say, "When you've read XYZ, ABC, 123 and whatever, like I have, then we can talk about it!" That stops the backseat drivers. Then those who take the time to read something end up supporting me and being helpful!

[Nickarolaberry]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

The only thing my Mom was concerned about was the lack of "history class" and suggested I get some historical novels for DD to read in addition to all the fantasy she likes to read. She also wants DD to take art and/or music classes and is willing to pay for them.

All in all, my Mom's not fully convinced that child-led learning is going to work, but she's starting to understand the concept.

Hey that's really cool Ruth! Historical novels are fun anyway (well, that's the kind of mind I have ) Does dd like stuff like Anne of Green Gables, The Secret Garden, A Little Princess, etc.? I'm just throwing out a couple oldie but goodies that have terrific stories that girls tend to like and also are so very rich with historical context...you could spend a whole year doing unit studies from one of those books!

The art and/or music classes sound fun if dd is into them.

[tuffykenwell]

Ruth,

What about *you* keeping a "school journal"...in there you could interpret all of you and your DDs interactions into "educationalese" so that you can put your mother's mind at rest. It would make more work for you but it might take some of the heat off your DD as the two of you sort out your style and the way you want to proceed.

Does your DD like to be read to? That would be a good way to sneak in some "educational" stuff...pick books that are quality but also enjoyable and read together. You don't have to do the traditional school approach (ie break down every little piece of a literary work thus sucking all the joy and wonder out of it)...just read and if there is something that strikes both of you as interesting you can choose to discuss it...but it wouldn't be an "assignment" KWIM?

Also if your DD is open to the idea what about getting her a little notebook and have her write things in there that she is or might be interested to learn more about. Don't put any expectations regarding length or format of the entries but encourage her to pick one thing each day and write it in her book. The entry could be a single word or half a page depending on whether she wants to write about it or not. Maybe you could read her ideas once a week or every couple of weeks and see if any of them still interest her at that point or if she wants to explore any of the ideas further...even if none of them appeal to her anymore you could have a great conversation about why they don't appeal anymore LOL.

I can understand what a difficult position you are in because my father lives with us and while he is supportive of our homeschooling if he weren't it would make life very difficult so I can only imagine how you are feeling right now!

I can imagine it from your mother's side too...she loves you and your daughter and she wants what is best for both of you and homeschooling is so far out of her sphere of understanding that it frightens her and she reacts to that by smothering you and your DD with her fears. Maybe instead of saying "we are going to the mall" say "we are doing a field trip". Again document the trip in *your* educational journal so that your mom can see that you are serious about helping your DD and that the two of you are doing actual work.

I hope you can find a way to make it work. Please feel free to let any of my suggestions slide off your back if they aren't helpful. You are in a difficult situation and I know you are working hard to try and meet the needs of everyone involved and I can hear the stress of that effort in your posts. This is probably the hardest part of the journey (and your DD is much older than my DS so you are being held to a *MUCH* higher standard then I currently am and sometimes it really stresses me out so I can relate to how you feel!)

You can do it!

Steph

[momto l&a]

Originally Posted by moominmamma

It doesn't sound like she's too set in her ways, though, because she's come a long way since a couple of weeks ago, from what Ruthla has written. There's a difference between uninformed and closed-minded and I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt at least at first.

Miranda

True