oh its getting hard to not say anything

[MommytoTwo]

I refuse to tell anyone abut my planned hba2c. I dont want to hear any crap about it at all. But people are starting to ask who my dr is (one friend who had a vabc and knows how I want it), what hospital I will be at, things like that. I just kind of stutter. I am a bad liar. I just dont want to hear negativity and if something were to happen - if I risked out for some unknown reason or turned breech or WHATEVER- I dont want to hear about how terrible and bad it would have been, kwim? My mom asked me the other day if she could buy the homecoming outfit and I was like, oh yeah um sure ok yeah...

So I am here venting to you all!!!:

[Baby Hopes]

We had a special "1st day" outfit for our homebirthed DD2. Maybe you can just call it "the babies first outfit?" We also referred to our midwife as our "care providor."

Example:
"Our care providor came really highly reccommended."
or
"We're so glad we found such a great care-providor within our network."

I never lied to anyone, but I definately did evade telling people outright. Most people really don't care. I mean, really, they don't. They just want some sort of segue into telling you about their own experience. So beat them to the punch.

Them: "So which doctor have you chosen?"

You: "I was just thinking about doctors the other day! Tell me again which doctor you used? Oh? And why did you like him so much? Really! That's terrific..."

For people more intimately invovled (Mothers, sisters, close friends) you may have to decide at some point to be upfront with them. (Assuming you have chosen not to outright lie. ) Happily fill them in if they press the issue but create a firm boundary. When the negative advice or suggestions start rolling in, cut them off. Clearly declare that you are not at a point to listen to pessimism.

[MamaSong]

I think you are startng in the right place. I wish I would have been smart enough to keep my mouth shut during my pg. It took me well until my 3rd trimester to start putting up the boundaries and only surround myself with positivity - next time I'll set that up quickly. I'm sure it does feel hard to keep the truth inside, but I think its worth it for as long as you can keep it up. I agree with PP - maybe you can just find some other ways of answering questions that don't feel so much like "lies" - ? Good luck Mama!

[Funny Face]

Ooooo, I know what you mean! This is my biggest concern about this pregnancy. I hear people say they aren't gonna say where they are giving birth or who their cp is but I'm like, how do you not say and not lie? I would feel awful afterward when I told them the truth. I also keep asking myself that if we want homebirth to be more acceptable and more well know, how can we do that if we hide the fact that we had one,kwim?

We are gonna try to wait as long as possible to announce our pregnancy and this will give everyone fewer chances to ask a ton of questions (about anything for that matter!)but I don't know how not to go into once everyone knows. I know my whole family will be asking tons of questions and so will my friends, especially since they know I'm supportive of hbing. I guess we'll see what happens!

[georgannemomof6]

Imnsho,

I told anyone who asked me, with confidence!
"them":
So, where are you having your baby?
"me":
Either in my bed or my tub, I haven't decided yet!

If I were to be evasive, or appear nervous or unsure, I would be shooting myself in the foot!
When asked about dangers/risks, etc, I offered them articles/books, to support our decision, even irl examples of people we knew, who had hb!
I really didn't hear too many negetive things, mostly supportive...I really believe it had alot to do with how we presented it!
hope that helps!

[ahdoula]

The trick is to mislead instead of lie!

So Where are you delivering?

Well, "Hospital Cuts Me Open" is nearest to us, no sense in going far from home!

Who is your doctor?

Oh, I found someone really great that specializes in my situation...you know it's hard to find a care provider that does vbacs these days....

Good Luck!

[~Heyokha~]

Originally Posted by georgannemomof6

I told anyone who asked me, with confidence!
"them":
So, where are you having your baby?
"me":
Either in my bed or my tub, I haven't decided yet!

If I were to be evasive, or appear nervous or unsure, I would be shooting myself in the foot!
When asked about dangers/risks, etc, I offered them articles/books, to support our decision, even irl examples of people we knew, who had hb!
I really didn't hear too many negetive things, mostly supportive...I really believe it had alot to do with how we presented it!
hope that helps!

I agree. This has worked well for me.