Time outs aren't an option in our house, so I've never particularly thought of it in terms of "if not time out, then what?" kwim?
I can tell you that if I follow the steps of 1. explain (even if I think he ought to know) 2. honor the impulse/empathize (realize that there is a reason behind the behavior, and THAT needs to be addressed, moreso than the behavior itself) and 3. redirect in a way that honors the impulse/find acceptable alternatives/find mutually agreeable solutions...if I follow those steps, everything gets worked out relatively smoothly.
I've found that those steps are helpful in just about all situations- stopping unwanted actions, and helping a child do something they are not thrilled about doing. They aren't magical, but they are helpful.
Time outs teach certain lessons, but not the ones that I want to teach my ds. I don't want him to focus on the effects of his behavior *on himself* I want him to know how his behavior affects others (ie- I shouldn't hit because I'll get a time out vs. I shouldn't hit because Brooke doesn't like it). I also want him to know that his impulses are legitimate, and they deserve to be expressed, and that he needs to learn socially acceptable ways to express those impulses. Time outs put a kink in that learning (even if one is explaining those issues, I imagine that there's not much learning going on during a time out. That's just imo).
I saw your post in Pets, and I was thinking about it. But I only got so far as "That would never go over in my house, it would have to stop" but I can't tell you exactly WHAT I would do to stop it, because it would be soooo dependent on the details of what was happening, ds's personality, the dog, etc etc. What I would do could be different when ds is 3 than it would be now, or depending on his reasons for harassing the dog. BUT...my dogs have rights too. And ds is NOT allowed to violate those rights. Sure, he uses them as stepstools and such, but they don't mind that. lol.
Assaulting mama- stopping is a really hard thing to do for a young child. I'd focus on finding an alternative that is agreeable to both of you.
For example, my ds is pretty aware that I don't like to be hit, even playfully. Today, he got all riled up and started flailing his arms about, and hit me. In the past, I've focused on finding something that he can do, and he experiments with what is ok- ie, is it ok to hit softly? is it ok to hit mom's knee? and I tell him if it's ok or not. So today, I said "uhhhhhh, no" and he went on to hit (I use that term loosely, btw. I didn't even feel it. lol) my knee, and that was ok, and the table, and the tray, etc, before each time looking for my reaction whether it was okay or not.
I guess what I'm saying is that instead of focusing on STOP HITTING, focus on "if you want to interact with me, you can do x" or "if you are angry, you can tell me this way" or whatever.
Also, this doesn't really work for hitting YOU, but in the past, I've noticed that my ds sometimes had a hard time stopping doing x, but seemed like he wanted to stop. In those cases, I've asked if he wants me to remove the temptation to x, and he says yes, I take it away, and we're all happy. (one time, he was climbing on a box I wanted to save. He wouldn't stop when I asked him. It was just too much temptation, and he seemed pretty relieved when I took it out of the room.)
ummmm....getting clothes on. lol. Can't help a lot there. hehehe. Luckily, we don't *have* to get dressed often. Sometimes I just hurry up and get it done (in the case of it's past bedtime, ds is super tired, and he needs to have clothes on or he'll wake up 100 times because he's cold. In that case, the faster the better, because then he's happy and nursing and can go to sleep.). Ideally, I give reasons, and try to see if there is a particular type of clothes he'd like to wear, etc. And sometimes (like wearing a diaper to bed) I might tell him that it's not really an option and tell him why, and sometimes that pretty much ends it (eventually).
A few months ago, I would not have been an advocate for telling ds that something was not an option. But...I'm seeing now that it is really making some situations that used to be stressful (namely toothbrushing) much easier for all of us (no holding him down, and no pleading and playing games for hours to get his teeth brushed for 10 seconds.)
ok, sorry that was pretty long! But that's what I do, and honestly, I can't see how what I do is any more difficult that time outs would be (but I can't make an accurate comparison).
