Planning a Summer Move
It looks like I will be moving in the summer, and I am terrified. My fears are all centered around two main issues: childcare and having a stable income.
Childcare:
I am fearful to the point of having an anxiety attack about having someone I don't know watch my son. It started back when I was in high school when my bf and I were watching Dateline or another similar show, and they did an undercover/hidden camera exploration of day cares. Many of them had abuse going on, ranging from neglect (children walking around with matches and climbing on stoves in a home day care, not changing diapers all day) to outright, serious physical abuse (a provider holding a crying baby above her head and throwing him into the crib in a rage). Most of the parents had done the "right" thing in choosing these daycares---dropping in unannounced to see how things were, research, background checks, the whole nine yards, but still ended up in these nightmare situations.
My boyfriend and I (and we were both teenagers at this time) sobbed for an hour after watching this, and I said, "I will NEVER have my child in day care. My husband and I will arrange our work somehow so one of us will be home at all times."
Zoom forward to 2005, when I give birth to my son, a single mom, his father having abandoned us during the (unplanned, surprise because I had been told I was infertile) pregnancy. I was suddenly faced with the need for childcare.
A close friend said her sister might watch him, as she was watching my friend's daughter, so I went to meet her and she had this huge big screen TV on during the entire time. I asked her about this because I didn't want my son to watch TV, and she said, "The TV stays on." It was non-negotiable. At least she was honest and didn't tell me she would turn it off, but just lie. The house was not as clean as I would've liked. I cried all the way home, thinking I couldn't leave my son with this woman.
I ended up having a nanny for my son--a former student (I teach college) who had become a friend and had lots of childcare experience. It was great for three months, until she was admitted to a university several hours away and would be moving. I was really sad about this, but understood that she was 19 and needed to continue on with her life.
Trying to figure out some sort of child care for my son, I did look at a few day cares, and the two I looked at reminded me a little bit of the Romanian orphanages I have seen on TV---children lying silently in cribs staring off into space while others scream and cry, with no one to pick them up (because they were holding other screaming babies). It was a very depressing sight.
It was at this point that I decided to move in with my parents to avoid putting him in day care or with an unknown nanny. I have been here a year, and it's very hard (as mentioned in my other postings). Now I am facing moving and finding a home, childcare, and a steady income.
The child care issue is the one that worries me the most. I used to think I'd want him with a nanny, but then his pediatrician (who volunteers at a clinic that specializes in abused kids) said nannies have a higher rate of abuse than day cares, so that made me nervous. I am sure that most day cares are ok, but the thought of me leaving him with complete strangers who don't love him is about enough to send me into a panic. I am worried about the extremes (abuse) to the lesser problems such as them disciplining him differently than I would like, trying to force early potty training (as I've heard can happen), them being indifferent towards him, or him being sick constantly.
The income issue I'll have to figure out on my own, but does anyone have any good advice about child care? Does anyone live in Portland, Oregon and know of any fabulous, caring places? I am terrified about this to the point that I can't sleep. I don't want my precious one in the hands of an uncaring stranger, especially before he can communicate about what's going on when I am not there.
Help!
to you in this difficult situation!
