:hopmad I am so angry right now....

[JennP]

I can't even be near her. My 3 yr old just ate an uncommon snack of caramel corn. She ate it all gone in about 20 minutes and then waking me up from snoozing on the chair with ds still taking his nap she starts in on a full tantrum. When I ask her what is wrong she says her popcorn is all gone. Thinking she accidentally spilled it I ask her and she says she ate it (though tears and sobbing). I said that was fine and she should come in and watch Sesame Street now, which was her request to begin with. She is sobbing so hard she can't move. I have ds sleeping and I can't get up to get her. By the time she makes it close to me she is still sobbing and she is angry... why I don't know.

I on the other hand am angry because ds really needs his nap. She is crying about eaten popcorn, not spilled, not stolen, ect, eaten...WTF

I can't even be near her right now I am so angry, of course she woke ds up and so far he is not screaming but it just adds to the fit she had when she woke up this morning SCREAMING because her dad was not here (he had gone to work like all other days).

I can't stand this crying and screaming anymore. I am so angry I can't even control myself and she is starting to show it through her gestures. Please can anyone HELP.

Jenn

[Cujobunny]

Could it be something in the popcorn that's making her act unusually crazy? I know once ds ate some candies with glucose syrup in it, he was an absolute nightmare for about 4 hrs.

Just try and take some deep breaths and make it thru the rest of the day.
offer her a different snack? A special activity with you? Maybe when ds wakes up take them outside, to the park, for a walk?

[mavery]

Is the combination of the early morning screaming fit and then the tantrum unusual for her? If this was my ds the behaviour would be a sign that he was stressed and needed to feel extra-secure.

I know how awful it is when you feel so angry, and so hard to keep in control enough to help your dc calm down. Can you try to find out what is upsetting her today?

When my ds is really crazy, I often hold him and tell him I see he's feeling angry/sad/wild right now and can he think of something to help him calm down? A drink? A cuddle? A story? It seems to help him take back control and he is often quite good at figuring out what he needs.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard day!

[scoutycat]

So she's dissappointed because she wants more caramel corn? It is a yummy (maybe even the best) snack and now she doesn't have anymore. In these moments I try and give dd the words she needs to express herself. You seem so sad and disappointed! She'll usually correct me if I'm wrong, or I'll ask if I'm right. She usually starts to relax once she feels heard. If not, I ask if I can do anything to help, and if not I let her be - we all need to cry a little sometimes. Once she's calm and listened to, we can talk about waking up others, little problem vs. big problem, the value of keeping some for later, why we can't have caramel corn til it comes out of our ears or whatever seems to be appropriate. If she starts to get upset again, it needs to be let go for a bit longer.

[4evermom]

My ds gets really upset about something being gone. He seems heartbroken at times. He is very sensitive and really feels how he feels (check out www.hsperson.com find the children section and do the questionaire to see if this description fits your dd).

Empathizing with her strong feelings would probably be more helpful than dismissing them. I'm guessing that she seems so big and "old enough" compared to your little one. Keep in mind she is hardly more than a baby herself. Three is a hard age to be (as are most ages, lol). Learning that things end and are finite is scary!

I'm guessing something hormonal happens that makes mamas get more "mama bearish" over their baby, at the expense of their toddler because lots of mamas post about feeling really intolerant of their toddler after having a new baby.

[nextcommercial]

She must have really liked carmel corn. LOL

I hope the storm is over by now. But, I can understand how both of you feel. She was probably kinda surprised that her carmel corn was all gone, and she wasn't done eating it.

I also understand how irritating it is, when a child is throwing an unreasonable tantrum, and they wont just calm down and let you help her. Pre-schoolers can make things so much more difficult than they need to be. I think it is in their job description.

I have a daycare boy that has a meltdown if I turn on the TV and ANYTHING other than Diego is on tv. It is completely unreasonable, and I have thought about Ebaying him on many occasions.

But, Carmel corn is pretty yummy........ Way better than Diego. Especially if it has peanuts in it.

[daniedb]

I read your post this morning, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, I don't know why! Anyway, I wanted to just add some hugs and hope that things have smoothed out as the day has gone on.

I also think that she had a super strong reaction to the sugar or some other ingredient in the corn, and it really exacerbated her disappointment/sadness about finishing it off. Those are hard times, and it sounds like she was having some BIG feelings at a really crummy time for you. I completely understand the frustration when your routine is thrown, and the other child gets off because of it, because everyone pays.

On days like that, where I am just spinning out of control because of anger or frustration due to things just getting beyond crazy, I try to press the reset button. I take a few minutes to breathe deeply and stop moving, no matter what is swirling around me and feel centered again. I usually say a prayer,and just spend a minute physically relaxing my shoulders and jaw and neck, where i carry all my tension. Then, we just start over, with NO expectations. I'll have a crazy 3 yo, and a terribly cranky baby, and we just muddle through it with no expectations of getting anything done besides emerging on the other side of the day with all our limbs attached !

I hope you are feeling better.

[JennP]

Thanks ladies, I just don't understand it. After I wrote this morning I went back downstairs, held my breath and held her. She was fine after a couple of minutes and I explained that we had no more but maybe we could make it again. (it has been on the counter for a week untouched.) She was fine. We have since completed 4-5 activities without issues.

Thanks for all the support. I need to learn how to better control myself, I have been getting worse and worse about it lately.

Jenn

[daniedb]

Are you getting enough time to recharge your batteries? I know that when I am consistently having trouble being patient and getting irate about random things, it means that I am depleted and need to take care of myself and get filled up again. For me, that means time alone without kiddos or husband, and I'll usually head to the movies when DH is home, or take a long walk or go get coffee by myself. Take good care of yourself!

[JennP]

I thought I was. But this week I did get out one night by myself for fun and I had way more fun than I usually would. Maybe that is a sign I need some more time alone. Funny thing is the kids have been so good lately(less the tantrums)...which should lead me to realize it is me not them.

Thanks
Jenn

[iamama]

Originally Posted by daniedb

Are you getting enough time to recharge your batteries? I know that when I am consistently having trouble being patient and getting irate about random things, it means that I am depleted and need to take care of myself and get filled up again. For me, that means time alone without kiddos or husband, and I'll usually head to the movies when DH is home, or take a long walk or go get coffee by myself. Take good care of yourself!

This is so true.

[scoutycat]

Originally Posted by daniedb

Are you getting enough time to recharge your batteries? I know that when I am consistently having trouble being patient and getting irate about random things, it means that I am depleted and need to take care of myself and get filled up again. For me, that means time alone without kiddos or husband, and I'll usually head to the movies when DH is home, or take a long walk or go get coffee by myself. Take good care of yourself!

ding ITA! Sometimes, too, I find I think I've been getting time to myself, but it's really one thing that's nagging at me that I haven't done - like I got out with my gfs for an hour or 2, got a workout in & had time to read the paper, so what's the problem? Ahh, I've been trying to do that necklace up for 2 weeks & haven't gotten it done!! Then if I spend even 15 minutes on the necklace & get a plan to finish it in a reasonable way (15 minutes a night or something), everything is suddenly copasetic.

[octobermom]

My DD can barely handle corn period we eliminate all products with HFCS 200% I try to eliminate CS as much as I can and plain corn also. Popcorn is just a big no no it not only makes her excema flare up but we will also get a tantruming whinning over the weirdest thing child. Corn is actually a fairly common trigger food in children.

[WuWei]

Please check out this thread "Parenting and Rage". It is about increasing self-awareness and self-control, recognizing our hot buttons and anger-triggers, and learning how to proactively provide for our self-care needs, so that we can be calm and lovingly present with our children. Our own childhood triggers are often a huge variable in feeling angry about upset/demanding children. Especially, if we were expected to "get over it" when we were upset. A lot of mamas who have btdt share their journeys, trials and progress and support each other.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=394579

Pat

[Fiddlemom]

any kind of refined sugar, or unrefined sugar without any protein / fat rich food right beforehand, causes frightening RAGES in my nearly 6 yo that can strike on and off for 72 hours afterward.

My 4yo gets horribly fussy and weepy and depressed from it.