Not learning well with "mommy" as teacher

[Stayathomemommy]

my 6 yr old is essencially unschooled because when we do "do" school she whines, get easily frustrated, and we both end up in tears. I am not pushing her to do school, she asks all the time to do math or reading, she has a huge love of learning. basically we unschool because i have twin 3 yr olds and a 8 month old and i am so disorganized that the day goes by and we have forgotten to do any school type activity.

anyway, the reason for my post is my sister came for a visit. she is a retired teacher. she worked as a k-3rd grade teacher and is awesome. my daughter brought her aunt her reading books and in 15 minutes my sister had done amazing things with my daughter. she was reading a book, she was happy, excited and so proud of her self. she didnt want to stop but wanted to learn more! my sister started to play with my 3 yr old and i asked my 6 yr old to show me what she learned. with in 1 minute she was whining with me and became frustrated, i was doing exactly what my sister had been doing with her.

this has caused me to wonder if by homeschooling her i am holding her back from her true potencial. i am not nurturing her desire to learn and i am afraid she will just loose it.

what do you think?

[Hera]

Perhaps she was happy to interact with her aunt, but feels more comfortable to express her frustration with being expected to do things to you, because you are her mom? I imagine that she'd feel all the same frustrations in school, she just wouldn't be able to express them.

Don't worry, she's learning even when you neglect the seat work. My dd can be the same way, she's 7 and I have a 2yo as well. I'm constantly surprised by the math concepts she just understands, without having had them taught to her. I figure from time to time she will see a need to be able to do some calculations, and at that point someone can show her how. I do have Miquon lab sheets for her, she likes to do them for fun sometimes.

I made a decision to listen to her frustrations earlier this year. Meaning, that even if I think it would be good for her to (for example) exercise her fine motor skills by practicing drawing or writing, if she feels whiney and upset about it, I will accept that and back off. Since then, I have seen her drawing more, weaving on a kid's loom, writing in a secret diary and other things that let me know that she's learning this stuff on her own.

[**guest**]

i noticed that DD acts differently with her uncle as well. she is more willing to participate in 'structured learning' interactions. he ironically was also trained as a teacher, though never worked much in the field.

there are different ways to 'nurture the desire to learn', and different people do it differently, and children respond differently, and this is all good. she is responding best to unschooling with you; she is responding better to something more structured / goal oriented with your sister. when she will be older she will be interacting with more people in the community, all with different styles, and she will be picking up what she needs from them.

i think what you are describing is more indicative of the different relationships she has within the family, rather than of being more 'nurtured' by your sister.

also, i am not sure how it happened, but the way you wrote it, your question to show what she learned sounds a bit fake. didn't you witness what she learned? my dd would pick up on this fakeness and would not appreciate it either. she would also resent the idea of 'reporting', as she is a private person.

[Lillian J]

It's possible that you unconsciously change your tone, your demeanor, your attitude, or whatever, if even so slightly, when you go to "teach" her things. Many (I'd venture to say most) children want their parents to be their parents and not their "teachers." But you can help a child learn things, and even teach them how to do things, without taking on a teacher role or using traditional ways of relating to them as a teacher to a student - and you can nurture her desire to learn without being a teacher to her but rather a learning facilitator. I'm having a very hard time putting this into words at the moment - is this ringing any bells for you? - Lillian

[RiceMomma]

Instead of trying to "teach" her something, take her along for the ride as you learn together!