dd refuses to read aloud

[Beth-TX]

My dd is 5 1/2 and we just started homeschooling (she was enrolled in kindergarten in a public school, then we moved to a lousy school and withdrew her after the holiday break). She knows all her letters and their corresponding sounds, she's familiar with her vowels, short and long sounds and can pretty easily sound out words. She sounded out 8 words with very minimal help last week and I was so excited! But now she refuses to try reading at all. I got a set of the BOB books, thinking she'd have a sense of accomplishment if she could read a whole book, but she got very upset when I suggested we read one together. She cried hysterically. So much that she put herself down for a nap (something she never does). I don't know what the deal is.

She said something a few days ago about being afraid people would laugh at her if she made a mistake. I assured her that I would *never* laugh at her and that I expected her to make mistakes since she is new to reading and that I'd always be there to help her. I just don't know what to do to encourage her.

I feel like reading aloud is important because she will likely be required to in 1st grade (we're sending her back to school in the fall). I don't know if this is just a case of her being stubborn about something she doesn't want to do or what. She loves being read to and we read a lot. I'm really surprised she's not more enthusiastic about learning to read by herself.

Anyway, if anyone else has gone through something similar, I'd love some words of wisdom.

peace, Beth

[fek&fuzz]

Could you type up the lyrics to a short song and see if she would sing them aloud? Maybe into a tape recorder to make it more interesting? She might just be having performance anxiety.

Maybe just continue to read aloud to her, and then ask if she'd like to do a page, but not make a big deal about it if she doesn't want to. The fall is a long way away, she might just not be ready yet.

[Lillian J]

It's a long time before she'll be in 1st grade. I had to get my son read for 1st grade after he'd been in a school that didn't teach even the letters during kindergarten, and it took no time at all over the summer to get it all in. He was reading little books like the Bob books within weeks. She'll be a little bit older by summer too - so she'll be able to handle more emotionally. Just keep reading to her and providing lots of beautiful, simple, books with pictures and text for her to peruse at her pleasure. You might even start pointing out a few words in the summer, from time to time, so that she retains what she knows when fall comes. She seems quite genuinely upset at the idea of her reading being observed at this point; and I think the less fuss made, the better... Lillian

[LeftField]

Is it possible that she needs deschooling time? I know that you are sending her to first grade in the fall so you have some things you want to accomplish with her before then. But perhaps she needs just a few weeks to decompress and adjust to the changes.

My son is the same age and he has recently started reading. We also use Bob books. When he first showed us that he could read, he almost immediately started showing perfectionism fears. I think that the fact that he DID read several Bob books successfully caused a bit of panic, because it was like there was no going back and he does not like to make mistakes. If he made a tiny mistake or required a bit of time to sound out a word, he'd announce, "I can't read." and he'd put the book down. Like you, I reassured him that it was Ok. But what I also stressed is that I still encounter words that I don't know how to read and that adults often make mistakes with reading and writing. Of course, he said, "I don't want to make any mistakes. I'm never making any mistakes again!" But I made it clear that he didn't have to do this if he didn't want to. After a period of time, he started picking up the books again and showing interest on his own. I think he needed to know that there were no expectations on my part in order for him to feel comfortable to venture out again.

Perhaps she just needs a little bit of downtime. Maybe you could put the Bob books with her stuff and say, "I just want to let you know that these are here in case you are interested." And maybe the next time you make a mistake writing a word or something, point it out to her that you made a mistake and that it's something that everyone does from time to time.

I'm sure others here will have better advice. This is just what immediately came to mind. HTH!

[Ruthla]

I'd just keep reading to her and completely stop pressuring her about reading out loud. I'd make books fun, read with her, encourage her to look at books independently, read books quietly to myself while she plays nearby, etc. If you view TV in your family, I'd encourage her to watch shows such as Reading Rainbow and Between the Lions that also make reading fun. When she's ready, she'll read.

[Beth-TX]

Thank you all for your responses, and keep them coming. You are all very wise.

I'm feeling pretty horrible for pushing this on her. It's been a rough day. She actually said, "I wish I had a better mama who wouldn't make me do this!!" I feel like a jerk.

I think you all are right and the best thing to do is back down. She's totally afraid of not doing things "perfectly." I wish I knew some magic formula to help her get over it.

Poor baby. She's been sleeping for an hour and a half and she *never* takes naps. She might be getting a cold too. That sure doesn't help.

peace, Beth

[AnnR33]

I find that the less I push, the more he starts to do on his own
My guy is 8 and reads 1 easy reader a day out loud to me but I always read first and make it fun with sound affects, etc. When it's his turn I'm sure to read a page if he asks and we often take turns with reading pages which makes him feel much more comfortable.
My DH used to try to get him to read at "his grade level" which were chapter books that freaked my son out. I quickly stopped this and life has become much calmer about reading.
He's starting to read comic books to himself which I'm not wild about but as long as he's reading I'm happy!
Take it slow and it will come.

[ABand3]

My oldest son has major performance anxiety - he's such a perfectionist, he won't try anything unless he's practiced it by himself, or feels very comfortable with his abiliities. He refused to read aloud for a long time (like more than a year) after he was reading well independently. He now will read if asked, but still doesn't enjoy it a whole lot.

I agree with what others suggested, and you still have plenty of time. If you don't mention it, I'm sure she'll read a word from something, somewhere (a street sign, a piece of mail, a cereal box?) out loud, and positively acknowledging that (without making a huge deal) will help her gain her confidence and enjoyment of reading.

When we were pushing my ds to read out loud, we'd read something familiar and rhyming, like dr. seus, and ask him to read (or say from memory) the last word of each line, sometimes just a pause in your reading of something familiar will be enough for them to jump in and say the next word.

[4evermom]

Is she the older dc? Maybe, down the line, she would feel comfortable reading to the younger one (or A younger one, or a stuffed animal, if she is the younger one).

[Wilhemina]

Another reading idea for down the road, perhaps this summer before 1st?

Write simple instructions on index cards and she can show you her understanding w/out reading aloud.

For example:

look in the bathtub
jump
run
hug me
kiss the cat

[Beth-TX]

Wilhemina, I love your idea. That sounds just right for her. She'll often agree to read if she's allowed to do it in her room with nobody around to hear her, but I don't know if she really can read the words or not. Your idea would help me gauge her understanding without putting her on the spot. Maybe a treasure hunt would work too? Hmm....

[moominmamma]

I've never made my kids read aloud. Two of them are highly perfectionistic, and for whatever reason they do not feel comfortable putting themselves on display in front of the people they care about when they're still in the learning phase.

My eldest was a very early reader. Around her third birthday, she read a couple of words aloud. I was excited; she was excited. But any effort I made to encourage her shut her down entirely. It was fine to read when no one expected you to be able to, but to 'practice' reading with your mom meant that she expected you to be able to do certain things, and to improve over time. Scary stuff indeed for perfectionists.

A year and a half later, my dd came to me and read me a new book fluently from cover to cover. She had clearly been reading all along, but was not comfortable sharing with me her climb up the curve. I guess because my opinion is too important too her, or because any expectations I might ever-so-casually hold loom far too large in her sphere of awareness.

She had none of this reticence with people outside her circle of immediate family and close friends. One evening I had to take her to the clinic where I work, and while I was busy with a patient she ended up sitting on the lap of the clinic nurse, whom she had never even met before, eagerly reading aloud from public health brochures. She stopped when I walked in the room, of course. It took more patience and trust, but I was able to observe evidence of her increasing mastery of written language without hearing her read aloud. I saw that she spent lots of time with increasingly complex subject matter. She would say things or ask questions that indicated that she had been thinking about things she had read. Best of all (though this took time), she developed a few endearing mispronunciations of words she had learned only through her reading, like fooskia and eyedyeit (fuschia and idiot).

Anyway, your daughter cried because her success in reading is extremely important to her and she was afraid to risk failure -- and that strong reaction is your ticket to success with her reading. It's so important to her that she figure out reading that she will be incredibly determined to master it. Scatter Bob books around the house. Try the 'secret message' strategy Wilhemena suggested. Allow her to learn silently and privately and on her own terms. She'll learn, I'm sure of it. Because she wants to succeed soooo badly.

Miranda

[Fairy4tmama]

Personaly I'd let it lie for a while but maybe after awhile you might suggest she read to some one younger...don't know if her sister is younger but if she is that would be perfect, you could matter of factly say "hey dd wants to read this but I really need to go XYZ. Could you read it to her..." younger children make excellent listeners for children who are working on reading and she may feel less perfectionist about reading to a nonreader.

[canuckgal]

My dd is a perfectionist too...

And we go through phases of this. She definitely does not as Miranda said like sharing her learning curve with me! She likes doing stuff on starfall.com, and things like that, but mostly what we have been doing is just reading to her, she does a few words on a page, and is great at reading a word, even some long ones, if I start the sound of the first letter, but is no where near fluent yet. She tells me if she gets to the point that she is uncomfortable. ("mommy I don't want to read anymore") and I have found it is just best to gulp hard and accept that...it takes alot of faith, but I have found that it makes matters worse just to push her.

I have heard her read a Daisy Dreamer cartoon (from Chikadee magazine) to ds, and it was one she read a few days prior to me and read it almost word for word. She clammed up when she realized I could hear her. I know now that there are some words that she can read without clues from the pictures, but to be honest I don't know what her level is.

Sorry I couldn't help more but I can commiserate with you! Just remember, in public school with any random classroom of gr. 1 kids, everyone is at different levels too.

Tina, dp James, dd Stephanie (6 1/2) and ds Jonathan (3 1/2) unschooling/learning by living here in Manitoba Canada