why do ppl tell my child that awful things will befall him

[katarn]

maybe this is in reaction to reading the continuum concept.. but i'm constantly hearing ppl say.. "you're going to fall" ... "you're going to hurt yourself" ... "you're going to get lost" ..."you're going to turn out to be a fearful clutz who has to comprehension of those around you"

ok maybe not that last one.. but where's the respect... i think ppl thing baby's/toddlers/children are so dumb..

From the start i haven't been a hover mom.. i let my kid fall.. i don't cry.. its how he learns.. sometimes he gets hurt sometimes he doesn't. but he lives and learns..

i'm a strong believer int he power of words and if i continue to tell my child taht he Will o someting i dont think it would be a big suprise if he DID it : maybe there are a lot of self fullfilling prophets out there skewing the view of children...

sorry just had to rant

[MsChatsAlot]

That's always been a big pet peeve of mine too.

Language is so strong.

I rarely hear those kinds of things anymore, but when it does, it just seems so oddly out of place and inappropriate.

Old habits die hard. Hopefully we're raising a new generation of children who are conscious of their surroundings, confident in their abilities and speak in positive and affirming language!

[mamaduck]

Your day-to-day pattern of word choices -- carries about 65-thousand-pounds more weight than a stranger's or even a casual friend's. You help him to build competencies. That is his secure foundation. This is what allows other people to say stupid thoughtless things, and him to survive them intact. Relax - let the world around him be what it is, and focus on your own interactions with him.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I grew up hearing things like that constantly from my mom and I will not do that to my kids. One thing that has stuck with me and makes me so mad when I think about it is how my mom would always without fail tell us when we were having such a good time laughing and playing having a ball, she would say you know all that laughing your gonna end up crying : even tho 9 times out of 10 that was the case why did she have to say that?? After awhile I actually started to have a fear of having to much fun for fear that something bad was going to happen

I also believe in live and learn sometimes they get hurt and that is ok.

There is also a woman at my church that drives me insain i want to tell her to shut up already but I wont because well it is church my dd is a runner, has been since she started walking. There is a concrete ramp at the church for wheel chairs and she loved going up and down it as fast as possible. Now I would tell her to slow down if she got to fast. This woman every time she would see dd running down the ramp she would tell her to stop that she was going to fall and scar up her pretty knees : ah helllooo, so what!?!?!?

Every time she sees dd even remotly moving fast I hear this. Pretty soon I will be hearing it with ds as well probably. It just makes me nuts.

[DreamsInDigital]

That is really tough on a child's psyche. Sometimes, for myself personally, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy for no other reason than I just assumed something awful was expected of me. When my older sister got pregnant with her daughter at age 16, my father said to me "Oh and I suppose you're next aren't you?" And the not so funny thing was that my oldest son was born just shy of my 18th birthday. I try to be mindful of what I say to my kids because of this very thing.

[katarn]

Originally Posted by mamaduck

Your day-to-day pattern of word choices -- carries about 65-thousand-pounds more weight than a stranger's or even a casual friend's. You help him to build competencies. That is his secure foundation. This is what allows other people to say stupid thoughtless things, and him to survive them intact. Relax - let the world around him be what it is, and focus on your own interactions with him.

yes i know you are right.. thanks you

wow you have some powerful testimonies...Words truly are powerful.. its good to have company..

[sunshinesister]

Originally Posted by mamaduck

Your day-to-day pattern of word choices -- carries about 65-thousand-pounds more weight than a stranger's or even a casual friend's.

i like that you say this. i am VERY conscious about the language that i use and believe that it does make a strong impact on people. i have intentionally changed the language that i use to include all gender neutral terms (ie fireman to firefighter) b/c i do believe that girls and boys will learn that more options are out there for girls if they HEAR other options. i've always wanted to surround myself with people who use these gender neutral terms so dd hears this all the time, but find it terribly difficult to find such a community. dp has made an extremely valient effort to change his language, and with that, perhaps i should feel more comfortable.

[AngieB]

Wouldn't you say that sometimes it's OK? For example my Dd (2yrs) Doesn't want to hold my hand when we walk through a parking lot or along the road, and she runs out ahead of me. So I tell her that she must hold my hand or be carried because the cars can't see her and she could get hit by the car and be hurt or killed (sometimes I say squished). How else would you stress the importants of staying with me in a parking lot?

I agree that they don't always need to be told they will fall or get hurt, I don't do that and my kids are all pretty active. But sometimes they need to know the dangers.

[RiverSky]

: Hmmm, something to think about....:

[mamallama]

Originally Posted by AngieB

Wouldn't you say that sometimes it's OK? For example my Dd (2yrs) Doesn't want to hold my hand when we walk through a parking lot or along the road, and she runs out ahead of me. So I tell her that she must hold my hand or be carried because the cars can't see her and she could get hit by the car and be hurt or killed (sometimes I say squished). How else would you stress the importants of staying with me in a parking lot?

Sure. But you're saying "could," not "will."

I ask my kids to please stay with me in crowded places. I let them know that if they don't stay within a specific distance, we will hold hands. When they were younger, they would ask "why?" My standard answer is that I'm afraid we'll get separated or that one of us will get lost. Note that it's about MY fear--it's not a dire prediction.

A friend of mine tells her 3yo "if you run away from mommy, a stranger will scoop you up and do bad things to you and you'll never see mommy and daddy or any of your toys ever again." (the kid is still a chronic bolter) It makes me crazy to go places with them.

[RiverSky]

Originally Posted by mamallama

A friend of mine tells her 3yo "if you run away from mommy, a stranger will scoop you up and do bad things to you and you'll never see mommy and daddy or any of your toys ever again." (the kid is still a chronic bolter) It makes me crazy to go places with them.

Okay, I definitely don't do anything like that. That's pretty scary! Awful!

[annettemarie]

I definitely think words have power. I notice if someone says, "You're going to drop that," I probably will end up dropping it. And I have noticed it more that other people use language like that since I've become more conscious about not using it.

[Mamapits]

Words are sooo important to me.

I grew up with a lot of negative suggestions as well.

Being a trained hypnotherapist ( not practicing currently) I have a little bit of insight as to how the subconcious/conscious minds work. From what I learned even how we phrase the don'ts count, like "don't fall!" these suggestions do get planted.

I have a 3 year old and I have to stop myself from saying things like "don't run in the street, you could get hurt"

I tell him I would like him to be close to me because that is where he is the safest. Sometimes like with the street situation, I will reinforce that by showing him how to look both ways before crossing. It also helps him keep from bolting because I am engaged with him, I'm not just telling him what to do.

I cringe when others tell my kid how he's gonna blahhh blahhhh blahh

[UUMom]

People tend to worry about children's safety, so I think they speak their fears.

[katarn]

Originally Posted by Mamapits

Being a trained hypnotherapist ( not practicing currently) I have a little bit of insight as to how the subconcious/conscious minds work. From what I learned even how we phrase the don'ts count, like "don't fall!" these suggestions do get planted.

i've been suspecting this.. because ds often throws things that aren't appropriate to be thrwn and the frst thing out of our mouths is usually don't throw that.. and it doesn't help at all.. he just winds up and hrls whatever he was getting ready to throw



i've lately been trying to say.. we build with blocks.. or we eat with forks.. it definitly takes discipline

[mavery]

Hmmm... I (almost) never say things like "you're going to fall", but I often say things like "Watch your head when you stand up under the table". Is that different? I guess in a continuum concept mindset my dc is not learning to pay attention to his own safety?

[Mamapits]

Originally Posted by mavery

Hmmm... I (almost) never say things like "you're going to fall", but I often say things like "Watch your head when you stand up under the table". Is that different? I guess in a continuum concept mindset my dc is not learning to pay attention to his own safety?

Watch your head is actally okay, I think. As long as it is not followed with or else you'll get hurt blahhh blahhh.

[crunchy_mama]

Oh, this drives me crazy. The in-laws are always doing this, they are so freaking paranoid. I have noticed as well he is already getting the clutz label from people, which I have carried my whole life. I am definitely making sure in the language I use that I do not use these words.

[Kikwembe]

I feel so irritated when that happens. Gack! My favorites are: "if you don't eat that, the dog will come take it!!" and other ridiculous threats. As if my 2.5yo doesn't freak out over enough. silly, silly people...

[warriorprincess]

Originally Posted by UUMom

People tend to worry about children's safety, so I think they speak their fears.

I am a person wh caomes from that place. If I think they may get a scraped knee or even a sprained ankle, I will probaly be less likely to say something. But streets- yeah, the chances of them being mowed down are high enough that I do say that. I do the "look at Mr Squirrel" thing. I don't beleive in instilling unrealistic fears, but a little reality is needed sometimes too.