Sears' The Successful Child--Your Thoughts?

[QueeTheBean]

I attended a workshop on "Attachment Parenting in the Childhood Years" and this book was recommended. I have his Birth, Baby, and Discipline books already, but am now looking for something about my soon to be 5 year old & how to think about AP as he is starting to grow up.

Anyone read this? What do you think of it?

Any other suggestions for AP style books for 5 year olds/school aged children?

TIA,

DOnna

[mojomom]

I just checked this book out from the library Sunday. I plan on reading this week.

[QueeTheBean]

Oh good--let me know, OK??

Thanks

[Mamax3]

I have this book and I like it......I like everything by Dr. Sears though.

I think it is really a continuence of the other books, though and basically has all the same principles.

[southerncomfort]

I'm in the process of reading it right now, about 2/3rds of the way in, and so far I really like it. My dd is 19 months old so I'm just now beginning to see the results of all my hard work. It's also given me some things to think about because he recommends not always distracting your little one when they're frustrated and to let them just be frustrated and work things out on their own if possible. This is important to me because I almost always distract, and often with snacks so this book is nudging me in another direction.
Worth a read in my opinion.

[jempd]

To be honest I noticed I felt depressed after reading most of this book. That is not to say that I don't think it is worthwhile. I wholeheartedly agree with Dr. Sears' ideas and would say that he is the doctor of guidance in our household. His baby book and pregnancy book were what I used as references through my pregnancy and the first year or more of ds's life. However, we are going through a tough time with ds, and the thing about The Successful Child that I find alienating is that it seems to me it basically is saying if you do these things, your child will be: loving, generous, kind, supportive, helpful, polite, compassionate . . . . and so on. Well, ds isn't. To be fair he just turned two but he has been so aggressive a babysitter has refused him from her group, and he regularly hurts his father and I. You get the picture. I find it frustrating but the fact is that all co-slept and babyworn and breast-fed kids are not quite the picture of perfection that Sears presents and I began to resent his stories of his own kids' wonderfulness. I get stuff out of this book though and re-read it when we are going through something particularly difficult. The fact is my kid has some organic issues that we now know about. It helps more in terms of me trying to be a better parent than in terms of practical, actual things to do. I guess I would say the one detraction it had for me was the constant glowing portrait Sears painted of his kids and others who are attachment parented. I felt it could have used more realistic examples of kids being difficult to live with and handle.

[Breathe]

Oh jempd, here's a big HUG for you! I also attribute much of my parenting to having found The Pregnancy and Baby books, and loved both. But I agree with you wholeheartedly that Bill and Martha make things sound SO easy. I also struggled with lots of guilt when my baby needed to cry for hours when he was tiny, bc Dr. Sears had me convinced that AP'ed babies don't cry!

A recent issue of Brain, Child magazine had an article called, "Why I Hate Dr. Sears," and while I think the author was incredibly defensive and downright WRONG about a lot of stuff (she says NO ONE can succeed at AP!), there were a few kernels of truth scattered within her writing. I don't know if it would help you, but it might make you chuckle. I think you can find it at

www.brainchildmag.com

Nobody flame me, okay? I DO NOT hate Dr. Sears and I DO LOVE AP and his books have taught me A LOT, but I thought this article was an interesting perspective that I hadn't really thought about.

Regarding The Successful Child, I've not read yet it, but would like to. Will be interested in hearing other reviews of it.

[Curly Locks]

Hi! I checked out "SC" from the library last year and I liked it. But since I have the Dicipline Book from Sears and it had much of the same info I didnt feel I needed a copy. I love the Baby Book too..wish I would have had the Pregnancy Book. He is a one of a kind in his field. The Successful Child, to me, was like an extension of the Baby Book.

Breathe~I read the Brain Child article about Sears. (For a good laugh~ Why I hate Dr. Sears) That was pretty funny. I'm sure if I were a working professional I would have felt the same way about Sears. I agree with most of what Sears writes but I am able to think for myself too.

There are so many good books out there to read. I certainly didnt stop at the Successful Child or the Discipline Book. I hope you enjoy your quest for more knowledge.

[Breathe]

Hey Donna, I've heard that Playful Parenting (by Lawrence Kohn? is that right?) is good for older children. I've not yet read it, but it seems to be pretty popular.

[julie128]

I bought it, I read it, I thought it was mostly good, but he lectures quite a bit, which is annoying. Also, if you haven't been doing AP since your young'un was born, you are going to be totally lost. He keeps going on and on about how babies need to be nursed, etc. I suspect that most people who read the book have children who are way past that stage and that quite a bit of them did not nurse or did not nurse for very long, so most people will probably not know what to do with his lectures. Shortly after I read TSC, my mother sent me The Blessing of a Skinned Knee by Wendy Mogel, which says a lot of the same things without the lecturing and without the emphasis on infant stuff. TBOASK is based on Jewish teachings, but nearly all of it can be used by anyone. It's basically about teaching your children to be respectful and responsible, which is much of what TSC is about. TBOASK is much shorter, too; I read it in two days while watching my two year old. I have been plugging TBOASK to just about everyone I meet. I haven't plugged TSC to anyone. My 1.5 cents.

[jempd]

Well thanks Breathe, I appreciate that hug! It was interesting to hear other people had a similar reaction to mine, also. I also feel that I was pretty naive, thinking, OK I'm going to Attachment Parent and everything is going to be just ducky, without realizing how complex babies and kids really are. I DO feel that Dr. Sears' advice is sound, I guess I was just complaining about the way much of it is presented. To be fair, he also presents stories of mistakes he and his wife made, and ways in which they were set right by a patient or child. I would say however that I got a lot more out of the Pregnancy Book and The Baby Book and I think the Discipline Book is more comprehensive than the Successful Child. And I also get impatient with the constant admonition to breastfeed though I guess with other people it doesn't hurt to emphasize it if they are thinking of weaning early, under six months or so.

BTW, this weekend on the cover of the NYT, there was a photo for the cover story of the earthquake in Algeria of a 2 year old girl being lifted from where she was trapped under her house, calling for her mother. Anyway for those of you who didn't happen to see it it caught the expression of terror on the little girl's face, and it was lying around, and ds kept going to it and pointing and exclaiming. I didn't pay too much attention till I finally realized he seem perturbed so I said something like, yes, the poor little girl is frightened, and he made a very sad, sympathetic sound and said "baby, no mama?"

So I do think he is growing some empathy, whereas for awhile there I was worried. It means so much to me to raise a child with that quality and that's why I had bought The Successful Child in the first place. I also think it's great that Dr. Sears puts a lot of emphasis on that.