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Would you ever consider being a surrogate? - Page 6

post #101 of 178
I would definitely consider being a surrogate, but only for the gay couple who donated their sperm so that DP and I could have DS.

They are very good friends of ours, and I know that they would be great parents. Yes, we could have adopted, but wanted biological children. And our friend was kind enough to donate his sperm so that I could have the joy of growing our baby inside me. He has also agreed to donate sperm if we want to have more children.

While he and his partner are not interested in having kids at this time, if he would like to in the future and does not want to adopt, I would gladly be a surrogate for them (provided I am still young enough and in good health.)
post #102 of 178
I have thought about this before and I think the only person I *might* be able to be a surrogate for is my sister and even then I'm not so sure. I think I would be able to relinquish the baby, but I worry about taking a risk to my health. All pg's carry a risk and since I am a mother, I just cannot fathom taking an unnecessary risk that might take me from my children.

I remember reading an article years ago about surrogacy. It said something like 95% of women who enter into surrogacy report that their families are complete and that they do not desire any more children of their own. Yet, astonishingly, something like 50% of all surrogates go on to have another child (of her own) after the surrogate child they carry. That, to me, speaks volumes about the hole that must be left any time a woman 'gives up' a baby, even one that is not genetically hers.
post #103 of 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kundalini-Mama View Post
I wonder how many of you (w/quite a few kiddos in your sig, congratulations) would feel if this was your life. And not only could you never birth a baby, but people judged you for your choices.
I would be sad, I would feel rage, I would have a hard time ever moving on completely. Other than that, I can only imagine.

I wouldn't consider surrogacy, even if my grief made my moral sense crumble. Why? I don't have anywhere near the money to even laugh at the idea.

And that right there is the real source of moral outrage: those who can buy the privilege are somehow entitled to mend their broken hearts. But the poor and average of us get to stay broken and just have to deal with whatever life deals us.
post #104 of 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog View Post
I would be sad, I would feel rage, I would have a hard time ever moving on completely. Other than that, I can only imagine.

I wouldn't consider surrogacy, even if my grief made my moral sense crumble. Why? I don't have anywhere near the money to even laugh at the idea.

And that right there is the real source of moral outrage: those who can buy the privilege are somehow entitled to mend their broken hearts. But the poor and average of us get to stay broken and just have to deal with whatever life deals us.
: ITA
post #105 of 178
So, just so you know, this family that I'm talking about receive aid from the state. They are broke and living paycheck to paycheck. The women who have discussed surrogacy w/my friend have all offered their womb out of the goodness of their hearts and w/o payment. I would offer, but I have cancer. If they move forward with surrogacy it would be through fundraising efforts.

Does this make them more worthy then in your eyes b/c they are not "buying the privledge", but working their asses off to make it happen for them?
post #106 of 178
No one can be worthy of receiving something that should never be given away. That's the point. Just like no one is a worthy candidate to own a slave.
post #107 of 178
I'll be sure to pass that on to my friend. I'm sure that will help her w/her grief.

Thanks.
post #108 of 178
Not for a stranger. I did once offer to be one for my stepmother and father because she couldn't carry to term and suffered many early miscarriages. They declined. That was a few years back. I do not think I would do it today or in the future.
post #109 of 178
I wouldn't do it, but I am amused by the google ad on this page:

Hot & Smart Egg Donors
Database of 100+ available egg donors including prof. models!

because, when you come right down to it, isn't all about the hotness?
post #110 of 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kundalini-Mama View Post
I'll be sure to pass that on to my friend. I'm sure that will help her w/her grief.

Thanks.
You know, I really have no patience at all for emotional blackmail. And that is what this is.

Sometimes life is a pile of dogshit. We can't always wave a wand and make it better. Sometimes getting what we want isn't possible, or is only possible through unethical means. I could probably have tons of money if I was willing to break a few rules, legal, ethical, or otherwise. And maybe I have a really good reason for needing or wanting that money. Maybe I'm in pain or am experiencing sorrow or grief. But that doesn't make it ok. It just doesn't.

I do not think that ethical decisions should be based on being nice. There's a big difference between being nice and being good. Being nice can mean giving someone what they want, no matter what it costs. But that's not always good, right, just, or even defensible.
post #111 of 178
Quote:
That all said..... I have been weighing this recently.
DH & I discussed this & decided I should NOT be a surro (mainly for health issues, difficuly PGs, 1 previous c-sect., but also for stress & family reasons)
After reading this thread though, I realise I also could not go through with it, unless it was someone close to me (a sister) and I could share in the responsibility & be a part of the child's 'village' so to speak.

We are however still concidering egg donations. I would LOVE to hear from those that have done this. Both with good stories or not so good.
Post or feel free to PM or Email me Please. Id be most appreciative!
ANYONE??? :
post #112 of 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kundalini-Mama View Post
I'll be sure to pass that on to my friend. I'm sure that will help her w/her grief.

Thanks.
Kundalini Mama, I read your post about your friend and can only imagine what she is going through. I also appreciate your willingness to share this with us as an important thing to consider.

I must say respectfully, however, that just because your friend wouldn't agree with our decision, own moral compass, is a little besides the point. Some of us know full well that there are people who would never have a child if it weren't for a surrogate, but that doesn't mean that we as individuals would be willing to serve as one. The fact that your friend would be sad to read this thread does not in any way change for me my conviction that I personally would never serve as a surrogate. I'm not sure what your expectations are here.
post #113 of 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by Periwinkle View Post
Kundalini Mama, I read your post about your friend and can only imagine what she is going through. I also appreciate your willingness to share this with us as an important thing to consider.

I must say respectfully, however, that just because your friend wouldn't agree with our decision, own moral compass, is a little besides the point. Some of us know full well that there are people who would never have a child if it weren't for a surrogate, but that doesn't mean that we as individuals would be willing to serve as one. The fact that your friend would be sad to read this thread does not in any way change for me my conviction that I personally would never serve as a surrogate. I'm not sure what your expectations are here.
Well I don't want to speak for Kundalini Mama as she seems quite capable of expressing herself. However, I didn't get the impression that she had an issue with individuals saying they would not be a surrogate for personal reasons but with people saying surrogacy is immoral and passing judgement on those who choose it. I could be wrong though.
post #114 of 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kundalini-Mama View Post
I'll be sure to pass that on to my friend. I'm sure that will help her w/her grief.

Thanks.
Does your friend know you are talking about her here? I'm not sure I would feel great about that if I were her.

For the record, I'm sure I know who you mean, and altho I am usually anti-surrogacy, hell, even I would consider being a surrogate for her.

I hope she gets a baby, she sounds like an amazing mama and I hope and pray more children are destined to be hers.
post #115 of 178
Thinking more about it, my issues with surrogacy are more the rich renting out the wombs of the poor. I also would not have a child and turn it over to men - I believe children need mothers.

But I can see much beauty and grace in bearing a child for another mother who has suffered the tragedy of the loss of her baby, and who cannot have another child by her own body becoz of that loss. That is something I have zero ethical qualms with, in fact I think it is a wonderful use of one's uterus.
post #116 of 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by riverscout View Post
Well I don't want to speak for Kundalini Mama as she seems quite capable of expressing herself. However, I didn't get the impression that she had an issue with individuals saying they would not be a surrogate for personal reasons but with people saying surrogacy is immoral and passing judgement on those who choose it. I could be wrong though.

Thank you so much riverscout, you said this much more eloquently than I did. I have no issue at all w/mamas who could not be surrogates---no issue at all, that is an entirely personal HUGE decision. For instance, I am pro-choice, but I would never ever ever have an abortion--but I do not judge those that do, or even those who are so opposed to it. I can understand both sides.

I saw my aforementioned friend today and we were talking about the ideal surrogacy situation (something that popped into my head last night as I was trying to sleep ). Wouldn't it be great if I could get one of my own eggs fertilized by my hubby and then add her and her hubby's embryo and I could carry twins--one mine, one hers. Wouldn't that be so perfect?? I wouldn't have any of the "giving up the baby" issues, b/c I'd have a baby (of course everything would have to work 100%, but, in theory, a great idea). And the other day she was thinking as she was driving. I'm obviously unable to have another babe right now w/the cancer, so she was thinking how she would like to carry a baby for us. She is just so generous and loving. Unfortunately she realized the fallacy of her plan

thismama, your words really affected me in a way I cannot really describe. Thank you.

Amy
post #117 of 178
Soooooooo like I was saying...........



Anyone Have any opinions/advice on the egg thing??

Quote:
That all said..... I have been weighing this recently.
DH & I discussed this & decided I should NOT be a surro (mainly for health issues, difficuly PGs, 1 previous c-sect., but also for stress & family reasons)
After reading this thread though, I realise I also could not go through with it, unless it was someone close to me (a sister) and I could share in the responsibility & be a part of the child's 'village' so to speak.

We are however still concidering egg donations. I would LOVE to hear from those that have done this. Both with good stories or not so good.
Post or feel free to PM or Email me Please. Id be most appreciative!
post #118 of 178
Hi as you may have noticed, several posts have been removed from this thread. The direction of the conversation was veering way off topic.

If you have issues with one another and/or their opinions, I urge you to take it to PM.

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post #119 of 178
Even if my religion didn't prohibit surrogacy, I don't think I could do it. I don't think there's anything inherently "wrong" with it, but I couldn't do it emotionally. Even if the baby wasn't technically "mine" I don't think I could handle growing a baby inside of me and then handing over to someone else to raise. I feel the same way about adoption, I don't think it's "wrong" but I could not place a baby for adoption.

Quote:
Thinking more about it, my issues with surrogacy are more the rich renting out the wombs of the poor. I also would not have a child and turn it over to men - I believe children need mothers.
I agree with this, as well.

That said, I think surrogates often come from a deep place of love, and I respect that.
post #120 of 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by CherryBomb View Post
Even if my religion didn't prohibit surrogacy, I don't think I could do it.
Out of curiosty, what religion is that? Fell free to PM me if youd rather elaborate
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