Hogging the bathroom

[dharmamama]

Is it fair to tell my 12-year-old that, since she has a bathroom in her bedroom, she needs to do her hair and stuff in there? She gets up in the morning, comes downstairs, goes into the bathroom and shuts the door, and doesn't emerge for about 30-40 minutes. Anyone who has to go to the bathroom has to run upstairs and wade through her room to get to the bathroom.

We only have two bathrooms, and since one of them is in HER room, I feel like she should use that one if she's going to be in there for a long time.

Namaste!

[mmace]

Makes perfect sense to me!

[2tadpoles]

Is there maybe a reason why she doesn't use her own bathroom?

I remember one apartment I lived in that had no electrical outlet in the smaller bathroom (which is the one I wanted to use to primp in). I couldn't plug in my hair dryer and such.

If there's no reason, then I think she should be reminded that she has her own bathroom. She's probably just oblivious, like lots of 12yo's.

[MillingNome]

:


If you really want her to use her bathroom, why not trying the oldest trick in the book. Tell her she can not use her bathroom.

[dharmamama]

I think the reason she wants to use the downstairs bathroom is because she wants to feel "part of things," and she doesn't when she's upstairs. I understand that, but if you close the bathroom door for 30-40 minutes you are not part of things, and you are inconveniencing everyone else.

I have already asked her to keep the door open so that if we have to go, it doesn't feel so much like we are interrupting her, but she won't keep the door open, and when her brother and sister call through the door that they have to go, she just calls back, "I'm in here!"

Namaste!

[Kirsten]

Originally Posted by dharmamama

Is it fair to tell my 12-year-old that, since she has a bathroom in her bedroom, she needs to do her hair and stuff in there? She gets up in the morning, comes downstairs, goes into the bathroom and shuts the door, and doesn't emerge for about 30-40 minutes. Anyone who has to go to the bathroom has to run upstairs and wade through her room to get to the bathroom.

We only have two bathrooms, and since one of them is in HER room, I feel like she should use that one if she's going to be in there for a long time.

I think it is absolutely fair for her to use her bathroom, so the downstairs one is open for everyone else. Unless she wants to share the downstairs one and/or hop out for a second if someone needs it.

But I feel you - we have three bathrooms (one downstairs, one in the master, one upstairs for the kids) and the kid bathroom is rarely used.... They are always either in mine or the powder - which is also the laundry room so I can't do laundry when they are in there....

[webbeccjo]

I definitely think its fair to tell her that using the downstairs bathroom is inconveniencing others in the family!
I'd bring it up during a family meeting if you have them, if not I'd address it in a way that validates her desire to be part of the family but helps her be aware that in a family everyones needs should be considered. Maybe you and she could brainstorm for solutions together. My kids have always liked being part of the solution finding process rather than just "taking orders" kwim?

[Shanna2007]

We used to have this problem. Mom and dad have a walk-in shower, so it was a race to see which kid could get in there first. We ended up having to set times for the kids, so between 6:30-7:30 it belongs to me! (Husband too I guess). My son ended up just sleeping late and using the kids shower, and my daughter takes a bath before bed.

Shan

[sevenkids]

Having a large family (at one time, we had 13 people living in the house) and only one bathroom, we absolutely had rules about how long one could spend in there, and even scheduled shower times; boys at night, because there were more boys and it would just take longer, girls in the morning. Hair must be done in their own bedrooms, not the bathroom. No see-through shower curtains because sometimes, you just gottapee even if someone is in the shower.

[teastaigh]

Growing up with a pack of sisters and two bathrooms was always a challenge. We all had primping zones in our rooms. I remember that they
were all quite nice despite our relative poverty. We'd listen to music, drink
coffee, eat toast, gaze at ourselves in the mirror, curl hair, try on six
outfits, put on makeup that we tried to hide from my mom ...
I'd recommend cozing up her primping area in her room. Even a mirror over
the desk with a place for the hair dryer. Most girls I know like to sit and
see themselves in the morning. Gosh, I'm feeling nostalgic. Must get a stool
for my vanity!

peace,
teastaigh

[Buddhamom]

That is exactly what we do. The older teens have their own bathroom and the main one downstairs is off limits, unless going to the bathroom of course I even clean their bathroom so they have a good deal.

[Marsupialmom]

More than fair!!! I would first try to make it her decission and aware how her actions are negatively effecting others.

[1growingsprout]

what a lucky kid to have her own bathroom....
i know you are having some struggles w. DD...soooo sorry for that...

but yes if shes going to be doing 'major work' in the bathroom then she can use her own or share the downstairs one... but it is NOT fair the way it is now... now if she just has to pee and that one is closer... fine but massive hair reconstruction (lol) requires her own space... unless ofcourse she is going to keep her ROOM and bathroom clean for everyone else, including the other kids to use...

[papercranegirl]

I would give her a choice between using her bathroom for an unlimited amount of time or the family bathroom for no more than five minutes. We just had to place a kitchen timer in our bathroom for dd's endless showers and it has been working well.

[crazydiamond]

A quirky idea. .

If she wants to feel that she's part of things (and I know the feeling, I was the same way). . how about setting up an intercom? Like 2 way baby monitor or something. That way she can be upstairs and hear the conversation taking place downstairs and if she has something to say, she can.

[lesley&grace]

OMG...I would have given my left foot to have had my very own bathroom as a kid....heck I'd still give my left foot to have a bathroom all to myself (dh has promised me a bathroom in the master bedroom when we buy a house...one with no toys, no pooh bear stickers on the tub wall, no character toothbrushes...ahhhhh).

Perhaps, as someone mentioned, she does not like her bathroom. Could be a lighting issue for example, or an outlet issue. What if you were to let her re-decorate the her bathroom to make it totally hers? A friend of mine had her own full bathroom as a kid, and she hated that her mom decorated it to look like (her words) "an old lady lives here". Once she has her own stamp on it she may be more inclined to use it.

[egwtme]

Fair

In very short order she will be SO thankful for her very own private bathroom and even better yet one that is inside her room! For now, find out if the coming downstairs issues is a socialization thing. If so, have her use her own bathroom (to urinate) then come down to check-in before going back up to do her 30 minute routine in her own bathroom. I think its so important to both direct her to her bathroom and be sure at the same time she knows you are NOT pushing her away by doing so.

[talk de jour]

Yep, definitely fair.