Support thread for those addicted to spending $

[vermontgirl]

Hi everyone!

I like to think that my husband and I live a frugal lifestyle-and we do but I seem to have a problem with wanting to spend money all the time. I have lately been thinking about how long it would take us to earn the money for each thing that I want-and then I decide if it is worth it. It usually is not worth it.
I have a hard time explaining myself when it comes to this issue-but I just feel so guilty and upset with myself for having this urge all the time. I wish I could go about my days not thinking about spending money.
Anyone else have this problem? If so, how do you deal with it?

-Hannah

[brogansmomma]

I like to spend money and since I'm not struggling to pay bills I have money available. I was surprised that I was able to save $8000 in cash from Feb. 2 until roughly mid-November this past year but I had a goal that drove me - a house - and also a retroactive pay raise (contract settlement) and a good tax refund. I definitely am free with my money and it does slip through my fingers on very non-essential things very often. I would like to do better with that but I know that for me that will be a long road. I'm working on it.

[seeing_stars]

One of my resolutions this year was to be more aware of my spending. mY husband and I have seperate bank accounts, so my money issues are purely mine. Every day I make a post in my online journal about what I've spent money on and how much. It makes me think twice about spending becuase I know that other people will know where all of my money goes. I've done really well this month so far and it is encouraging to me

[velochic]

I have the opposite problem. I'm addicted to saving. I love to see the power of compound interest. I have a pair of glasses that are being held together with wire, not because we can't afford to replace them, but because I can't seem to lay out the $$ to replace them.

[vermontgirl]

Originally Posted by velochic

I have the opposite problem. I'm addicted to saving. I love to see the power of compound interest. I have a pair of glasses that are being held together with wire, not because we can't afford to replace them, but because I can't seem to lay out the $$ to replace them.

I wish I had that problem. I came really close to buying a 58 dollar shirt today. Dangerously close.

[*andiflipping*]

Originally Posted by vermontgirl

Hi everyone!

I like to think that my husband and I live a frugal lifestyle-and we do but I seem to have a problem with wanting to spend money all the time. I have lately been thinking about how long it would take us to earn the money for each thing that I want-and then I decide if it is worth it. It usually is not worth it.
I have a hard time explaining myself when it comes to this issue-but I just feel so guilty and upset with myself for having this urge all the time. I wish I could go about my days not thinking about spending money.
Anyone else have this problem? If so, how do you deal with it?

-Hannah

I am in the same boat. I have a huge addiction to buying things.

I am slowly trying to change. I am keeping the goal of buying a house right in front of me. It helps if you give yourself a small allowance. When it is gone, its gone.

I def. know where you are coming from. I almost have to tape my hands together not to buy the longies I am eyeing:

[Two Spunky Monkeys]

Oh my - is this thread for me!!!!! I need some serious support group help for spending. We're really trying to cut back and start saving. We have some specific things as goals (want to take the kids to the beach this summer, for example) and need to cut that money out of what we normally spend.

And - I spend on JUNK most times. THis weekend, we bought bunk beds for the 2 older kids. That was not an optional expense - DS2 was in a toddler bed and way too big for it. So - we bought $200 bunk beds and a cheap mattress for DS2. BUT - then I went shopping (bad thing to do!) for a mattress pad - and came home with a pad, TWO comforter sets (DD & DS2 are sharing a room now - but DS3 will share with DS2 in the future - so I bought one to match for that time), a blanket - and a bunch of JUNK for Easter baskets plus some clothing for the kids.

Now - all the stuff I got was either on super-clearance or from the off-price stores - but it still added up. My biggest issue is that i SPEND when I am trying to SAVE. Like all the clothes I bought were super cheap - but did my kids *really* need them? Or I buy for next year, but we don't really have the money NOW for the stuff.

Having a hard time balancing all of this. Glad to hear others who have the same problems.

I'll be back to this board - I need to save $1500 for this vacation - and I am going to do it if it kills me! LOL

[janerose]

Hey there! Hannah, I'm actually a "neighbor" of yours of sorts -- I live across the lake in P-burgh. A trip to Burlington is SOOO dangerous for me & we go at least once a month! Once Upon A Child kills me. :

What I've found to be *really* helpful lately is:
1) DH & I started giving ourselves allowances. Not a lot, since I'm a SAHM money is kinda tight. We each get $20/pay period, so $40 a month. That is money we can spend on anything without guilt & no questions asked.

2) I sell/trade a lot of stuff on the TP here, Diaper Swappers, occasionally the Babywearer and eBay. Usually I'm selling stuff DD has outgrown or doesn't work for us anymore. The money I make from that is 100% mine to respend on the girls however I want. I even went & got a personal checking account to attach my Paypal account to. Before it was hooked up to our joint account (aka: all our $$$$) and it was WAY too easy to overspend. Now I'm limited to what I make selling stuff & my allowance money. It's working out pretty well. I get my shopping fix, but don't have to feel like I'm robbing Peter to pay Paul.

Our biggest area where we loose money is eating out. This has always been our main form of entertainment (we don't drink, don't smoke, rarly go to the movies, etc). And, well, frankly we like to eat out. So we're constantly working on spending less in that area and/or finding good deals for when we do go out.

Holly

[root*children]

I love to shop, also. Fortunatly, I was raised going to thrift stores and garage sales, so that's where I'd love to shop. But it comes down to the same thing - we don't really *need* anything, but I just love to be out and find a bargain. ugh.

I've helped myself overcome that by mainly, keeping busy. I started a daycare in my home. There's no way I'm going to drag that many kids shopping! Plus, I'm earning income from that, which I don't even get to touch - it goes straight into saving for a downpayment for our first house!

Also, I've become a part-time ebayer. I used to be full-time, but it turned into too much computer time/not enough time with my kids. So I still get to go shopping at thrifts and yardsales. And i get to buy all those cool little things that I never will use, but I get to make money off of them

[mightymoo]

I have a hard time with this but I am getting better. I stay out of the stores, which helps tremendously. Many times I will get a hold of myself in the middle of the store and just walk out leaving my shopping cart. What helped me was that I now do all our finances. (DH used to) so I know exactly how much money we don't have left for the month or how much we could save if we didn't spend it.

I find that if I detach myself from the knowledge, I can easily just put things on credit cards, spend willy nilly just sticking my head in the sand. But when I'm holding myslef accountable, I really am so much more reluctant to spend the money. I think okay I have $250 in savings, but if I buy this $200 item, then I'll only have $50...etc and it really helps blunt the desire to purchase the item.

[wife&mommy]

This thread is for me! I am addicted to clearance sales because I think I am saving money but in the end its usually stuff I don't need, or won't need for a year or more. i just can't stay away from the clearance sign, help!

[SuperMama]

Confessions of a Spendy-Mom

[Siennaflower]

Originally Posted by SuperMama

Okay, I really need to get this off my chest. This Christmas, having very little cash to spend, but wanting, wanting, wanting (just to give to others, but still...) I decided to let myself loose with my credit card and pay it off later. I didn't add it all up until after the holidays, when I checked my statement I had spent almost $700!!
It all adds up so quickly! This is definately not in our budget.... So now I have this guilt. And I plan to pay it off myself, I could tell dh, but I'd rather he didn't know....

I am in the same boat...although not over Xmas, it was while my dh was deployed...I wracked up almost $1000 on a credit card that dh doesn't know about, just trying to keep myself from getting depressed. I knew it wasn't a good idea and now I have to face selling off things to pay it off. You are right, it does add up quickly! It is a sobering experience getting the bill. Just letting you know you're not alone!

[Mama2-4]

I can relate, I love to spend too....my husband was home on disability for 6 weeks btwn Thanksgiving and Christmas so we did not have a great income and needless to say Christmas was charged. I am really trying to cut back on spending, but it is sooooo hard. I too like to shop at clearance sales and can easily justify the purchase b/c it is "such a great deal"! I am not sure how to stop the madness other than stay out of stores. But then there is always the internet shopping and ebay...

[SuperMama]

Has anyone tried this?

[mesmerize138]

Oh, Hannah, I am so with you! I love, love, love to shop!

DH is currently unemployed and I am pretty much now an official SAHM, so we're really scraping bottom right now. We're running off of our savings account and it's driving me nuts.

The thing I've been doing for myself is spending time remembering that if I can lose the baby weight (about 30 pounds) that I'll fit into all my old clothes and then it'll basically be like an entirely new wardrobe! The only thing I have to figure out how to do now is just not buy anything new between now and then ...

[mightymoo]

Originally Posted by SuperMama

I thought about doing this.... shopping online until the cart is "full" then just forcing myself to quit and not put in my credit card info. Seems like it could satisfy some of that shopping urge - without even leaving the house! - but I'm a little afraid I'll find stuff I REALLY WANT!
HELP!

I acutally do this all the time. I pick out what I want, oh well I'd need one of these and one of those, but then when I see how much it adds up to I don't buy anything. In some ways its satisfying though - to fantasize about all the things you want, but for some that may make it worse. I find the fact that you have to see the total of your purchases before you hit complete makes online shopping much less of a problem for me. In real life you load that cart and don't find the total utnil you are done and you look silly telling them to put things back and take it off the charge. I really wish they'd have something you run your cart that would tell you what your total was at any point in time. (The technology is there, they just have to make it cheap enough for it to be worthwhile)

I went shopping today - going to the stores is definitely the culprit for me. Though I did okay today. I went specifically for a blender I had picked out online and had a coupon for the store, I was terribly tempted by the clearance sales but managed to get out with just the blender. But DS was sleeping so nicely in the stroller, it was a waste not to go somewhere else, so I went to toys r us next door to see what they had on clearance and ended up buying some small things on clearance for DD's (upcoming in a few months) birthday and my niece's birthday. I have the birthday's budgeted though, so they are okay to shop for, so long as I don't do it so often I go over budget! My only true splurge was getting DD a pack of headbands since she was so devastated her headband broke this morning before school. I only gave her one of the five though, I'll save the others for when this one breaks!

[Mizelenius]

This is what I think about any area you are trying to change-- the more you say "I can't have/do/_____" the MORE you want to. You have to focus on what you CAN have/do. It's true with children and certainly true for adults.

ITA with the pp who said that an allowance is great. DH and I have done this for years, so when I do get into a period of overspending, it never hurt our main money. We vowed that no matter how much or how little we had, we would get sOMETHING on a regular basis.

So, that is the practical side . . .work on overspending in a safe way. For those of you in debt, do not focus on that or it may depress you and make you want to overspend more! Instead, focus on a plan of action. It may take a loooooong time to pay, but if you know that ahead of time and your goal is realistic, you will owe less and less.

Now, on the personal side, I always saw spending too much time (even if it wasn't money) shopping as a wake up call-- it means something else is going on in my life that I want to avoid, a way to soothe myself. I don't even think you need to figure out what that issue is (or maybe you just know) but find ways to care for yourself, to soothe yourself, to let your emotions out in a way unrelated to money. Just tellling yourself to stop spending/shopping doesn't take care of the need! (And it may make you want to do it more!)

[mightymoo]

Originally Posted by Mizelenius

I don't even think you need to figure out what that issue is (or maybe you just know) but find ways to care for yourself, to soothe yourself, to let your emotions out in a way unrelated to money. Just tellling yourself to stop spending/shopping doesn't take care of the need! (And it may make you want to do it more!)

That's the big question though eh? What can I soothe myself with that costs nothing and contains no calories? I haven't found anything that really does the trick for me yet. Maybe we should brainstorm.

[AntoninBeGonin]

Originally Posted by vermontgirl

I wish I had that problem. I came really close to buying a 58 dollar shirt today. Dangerously close.

I don't get tempted by stuff like that. I'm a coffee shop person. 2-3 times a week buying $3-4 drinks. It adds up.

I really like the allowance idea. I've been thinking of bringing it up with Dh for a while now but just haven't. I don't really have any excuse to not mention it.

~Nay