How do I start?

[marymamma]

DD2's 4 month checkup is on Thursday with our family doctor. I have been having a really hard time lately, just frustrated, irritated, impatient, crying, and just feeling like a bad mother in general. DD2 has colic I think, lots of screaming in the evenings and I just have to pace the house for an hour or 2 before she finally goes to sleep, then wakes up a lot at night. DD1 is 2 and having lots of tantrums, doesn't want to eat, take naps, etc. With all the crying and not sleeping between the 2 of them, I feel like I am losing my mind. There are peaceful, happy times where we all are fine, but it seems like the bad times are more frequent than the happy time lately. DH tries to help, but both girls just cry more when he holds them or tries to help with naptime or bedtime. He will take DD2 and walk with her while she cries and tells me to go take a bath and relax, but it's really hard to relax when I can still hear all the crying. I feel like I have to do it all b/c I am the mommy, but I get overwhelmed and frustrated. I don't know if it is PPD or not, but I just....I don't know, I need something. So, I want to talk to the doctor, but not sure how to go about it. Any advice?

[lactivist]

Mama! It sounds like you are very overwhelmed and not sleeping and those are two big risk factors for PPD. Here is a resource page with articles and information. I hope it helps. http://www.lifecirclecc.com/postpartumresources.html As for approaching it with your doctor just say it. Just say I am sad and overwhelmed and worried about postpartum depression. If your doc brushes you off, find someone else to help.
Wendi

[kaydee]

When I first thought I might have PPD, I called Depression after Delivery (now merged with Postpartum Support Internation). Their hotline # is 1.800.944.4PPD and their website is http://www.postpartum.net/.

I spoke to a wonderful woman who helped me understand what was going on, assured me that it was treatable, and gave me some referrals to therapists in my area experienced with PPD.

[saraann]

That's rough, I really have a lot of respect for moms dealing with colic. I think I would have lost my mind. Unfortunately, most doctors don't ask about PPD so just bring it up. Be direct and clear that you are worried that you might be experiencing ppd.

[marymamma]

Thanks everyone. Last night was somewhat better. DH called from work yesterday and asked what he could do to make it easier on me, but I just said I don't know. I wish I knew. DD2 is breastfed, and we supplement here and there with formula when she's still hungry. Last night DH gave her a bottle while I got everything ready for bathtime and she was asleep by the time I was ready for her. She woke up a few times, but it wasn't bad. I just never know when it's going to be an easy night or hard night. I will talk to the dr. on Thursday and update.

[momuveight2B]

Marymama~You've already started by coming here to ask for support. I am sending you hugs.

It sounds like you have a wonderful, sensitive dear husband. Do you think it would work if he took the 2 year old for an activity like a walk around the block or to the playground? Maybe you could all go together with the kids in the stroller. I know some find strollers not to be very AP but I found it a wonderful way to get a break with my friends or even alone if we could bundle up and go for a walk. I would keep a sling in the stroller basket in case I needed to carry one for awhile.

Try not to do it all. I know it is so hard when we want to have the house perfect and meals on the table but while your babes are so little it really is OK to have a bit of a mess and to have simple meals.

I hope you find the answers you need when you see the doctor Thursday.

[misseks]

Hugs mama. Four months is a hard age, b/c our dc have finally found their voices!

Keep in touch with other mamas who are supportive, and take baths with your babies - sometimes the relaxing atmosphere really helps bring everyone back down.

[mama_Agnieszka]

take care of yourself!

I know that this is hard when you feel like it's all up to you, you are the mama, you have to do it all! But, that is a myth. You are only human and you are only 1 of the TWO people who created your babies, please remember that!

I had very severe PPD when my first dd was born, and I remember very clearly the terrible guilt about not being able to "suck it up" and do all the things I thought only I could do. I struggled tremendously to be able to breastfeed, and in the end was only able to breastfeed a little bit, with supplementations. Even though this may seem "anti-breastfeeding", it absolutely is NOT (I worked so hard to breastfeed even the little bit!), I have to say that the times we supplemented, my husband would feed Kalina and I could take a little break, and feel like it was NOT all up to me, and that saved my life!

Please know that you will always be the number one person in your child's life, but her dad plays a huge part... if you let him. Sometimes you need to force yourself to let you partner play a bigger part in looking after the babies... even if they cry at first... they need him, too, even if it takes a bit of getting used to. Your daughters need you to be well and happy and strong MORE, FAR MORE than they need you to hold them every moment of every day! And I would even argue, having gone through incredible stress trying to bf, that my babies needed me to be well and happy and strong even more than they needed my breastmilk, there I said it.

I hope you continue to talk to others and feel GOOD about that. Please do not feel guilty about your feelings and experiences.

Agnieszka