Beginning of the Anniversaries...

[hahamommy]

It creeps up on me... even though I've kept track of the days, the memories sneak up and jump out when I least expect it!
Friday, Hayden and I went to a movie... and I remembered, last year on *this* Friday, Hannah and I were here... the same day of her BIG nosebleed, the beginning of our crazy, too, too fast journey towards her death. We watched Elizabethtown that night; no inkling of it being the last movie we'd watch in a theatre together (albiet a very appropriate last movie)... Saturday was the actual anniversary date of that occurance... I'm knocked down harder than I expected. It's a really quick downhill run towards her deathdate of February 24.

I'm a tough cookie, I really am... I just feel all doughy right now and I don't see any reprieve...

So, until I find something just as big and JOYFUL to fill this space, I'm gonna go cry...

~diana :

[heartmama]

(((Diana)))

God I don't know what to say. I just want to give you a hug. I cannot believe this has been one year.

I remember years ago you had a siggy with your dh's passing in it, and when I first saw that, and the ages of your kids (I think Hannah was only 5 or 6), feeling stunned that you were able to remain so open and present after enduring that loss.

And over the last year I am again stunned by your open and loving spirit.

I don't know how to survive something so unimaginable. I keep you in my thoughts, and am sending you love and light.

[WuWei]

Diana, I trust that Hannah had the most joy filled life and that you have so many wonderful memories together. We are a part of everyone we love, and Hannah is with you, in your heart, in your mind, in your soul. The giggling, silly, loud, bouncy girl of your memories will always be with you. I can only imagine how much you miss showing her things that she loves, bringing home things to share with her, finding the special things that brought her joy. I hope that those reminders bring you a smile of joy today, amidst the emptiness of your arms. How much you loved, is how much you have sorrow. I hope you find peace in this moment.

Pat, scubamama

[heartmama]

Still thinking of you Diana

[lisamarie]

My dear friend,

You and Hayden have been heavy in my heart all year, but especially now. I so wish I could be there for you in person, but know that I have been surrounding you with love, light and warmth.

You have such a gift to others and I have always appreciated you being so open and honest surrounding your grief journey. Grief isn't pretty. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

Much Love & Hugs,

Lisa

[Quirky]

Oh my word, I remember you from back in the day and I always loved your username for its play on your children's names. I remember reading about your dh and his passing. I had no idea you lost your precious daughter last year. Oh, mama, I am just more sorry than I can possibly say for your losses.

Sending you all the love and healing in the world.....

[fishface]

I noticed your signature many months ago and read your story. I don't know you but I think about you and your son often. You seem like an incredible woman...not only an incredible mother but a truly special human being. Your strength throughout your hard times is so inspiring. I wish you and your son lots of strength to get through this tough time of year.

[oliversmum2000]

[arwenevenstar]

Mama,
I have just read your blog this evening as a relatively new mama to MDC. I am in awe of your strength and fortitude and also your undetermined love for the world and everything good that's in it. I am so sorry for your losses and
I will be thinking of your family.

[rainbowmoon]

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time.

anniversaries are the worst. I always remember all the details/count the hours/ remember our last goodbye/etc.

[goodcents]

love to you.

[heartmama]

Oh Diana, I never realized that was what hahamommy meant...I thought it was a great name because I pictured you laughing easily. I am glad the post above pointed out it is short for the kids names. That is a clever, wonderful username!

Thinking of you today

[hahamommy]

1 year post diagnosis...

Just the other day [a year ago], I piggy-backed her in to her favorite restaurant to have her favorite meal... instead, she got beyond sick, went to the doctor, admitted to the hospital and diagnosed with ALL...
all we wanted was some pasta, ya know? just a lunch, a meatball, a laugh or 12...
Thanks everyone, for your loving thoughts and bright energy...

I'm still in such a shock over how hard this week has been... and I've got 2 more 'til the Death Day Party.

On a happier note, Hayden has blossomed this past year, as has his mommy now that we've been able to focus on one another without much distraction; realizing all too well just what it really means to be a TEAM. He'd like me to be done "crying over every little thing" by the time he's done growing, which he estimates to be sometime around age 22 I can do that!

When I reminded him of today's anniversary, he gave me a big, warm, comforting hug and asked if I wanted to go back there for dinner today... maybe we just will...

~diana

[coleslaw]

I too cannot believe it has been one year. I remember reading about your daughter's story and sobbing all the while. I have never forgotten what I read. What struck me most was your strength and hers. I know what it feels like to be facing the first anniversary of a child's death. For me, the lead up was worse than the day, but the lead up was so very difficult. I wish you healing and peace for you and your son.

[behr]

Oh no!
I just found out about your story now. You sound like one amazing woman, I wish I could meet you some day.
I have a daughter who was born three weeks after Hannah, I will give her some extra love today and forever. I'm not sure how I could go on without her here with me.
I'm sending you much strength from all of my heart!!

[Quirky]

to you today.

[starlein26]

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I want to find the right words at this moment and there are none. Your daughter is absolutely beautiful!

[heartmama]

Sending you strength and love tomorrow Diana

[chrissy]

i happened upon this thread in new posts and just spent the last couple of hours reading your blog. tears are pouring down my face for so many reasons, not the least of which is my awe of you as a woman and mother. i am so so so very sorry for your loss(es). hannah and hayden sure were smart to pick you as their mama. it does sound like you and hayden are surviving and thriving, and that is such a great gift you are giving to you both and a wonderful testament to hannah as well, as i am sure that is what she wants.

wishing you much peace and love.

[WuWei]

Thinking of you today.


Pat