Is it sleep deprivation or PPD?

[megansar]

Hi,
My name is Megan and this is the first time I've posted on this board. I am mom to 2 kids, dd is 2y10m and ds is 7 months old. I think I had ppd a bit after dd, but I was in serious denial and finally it went away.

This time, I think I have it again, but I can't figure out if it is just sleep deprivation as my 7 month old doesn't sleep very well at all. Dd was like this too, but I could just nap with her during the day and we'd both feel better. With ds, I have to deal with dd who isn't napping consistently anymore, so I don't get any breaks. My dh has just started a new and stressful job, so he hasn't been able to support me quite as much as he was doing before Christmas, and ds is teething so he's miserable.

Everyone I've talked to says I should just let ds CIO so that I can feel better, but I'm not convinced that would help, and I am not into CIO. He's already sleeping with us for most of the night (I would prefer that he sleep in his own bed until at least 2am, that way I get some alone time and I feel more rested), but right now with his teeth he is refusing to go in the crib at all.

I'm sorry this is so disjointed...I don't have much time as both kids seem to need me all the time, but I was wondering if you could share your experience and help me figure out if I should talk to my dr or just tough it out and wait until ds is sleeping longer.

Here's how I'm feeling:
really tired, but I sometimes can't sleep
anxious
sad - I cry a lot
frustrated (and I take it out on dd, which I HATE to do!)
worried (I get scary thoughts in my head which I can't get out...like if we're walking in the park and we see a dog off leash, I start thinking what if he came running over here and attacked us...what would I do, what if he bit dd or ds, etc, etc,)
tired of being a mommy, even though this is my dream

Help!
Thanks,

Megan

[Diane~KJ]

Hi there!
Sleep deprivation is probably a huge part of it, but it also sounds like depression too. I think at this point it would be difficult to distinguish the two.

For me, when I was going through depression I was exhausted all day, but still couldn't sleep at night (a big symptom to my doc) I was weepy often and just could barely get through my day, lucky to get a shower occasionally. I pretty much had the same fears as you do, but honestly I still have that even though I'm off anti-depressants. Must be a mommy thing in general to worry sometimes obsessivly about our kids and what if.

I think to be safe you should at least talk to your doctor. You ultimately get to decide how to proceed afterwards. I took meds for about 6 months, then I weaned off them. My body just needed a little kick start to get back to normal I think. There's no shame in getting help, if you had any other illness like say a really bad sinus infection, you wouldn't hesitate to get to the doctors, so think of it that way.

You are doing an awesome job momma, you've got a lot on your plate right now and you are only human. I think one thing that helped me mentally/emotionally was to remember that I really loved my kids (went through 6 years of infertility treatments to get em!) But I also had to admit to myself that even though it was my ultimate dream to be a mommy, sometimes being a mommy is not only harder than I thought it would be, it ocassionally even truly sucks! Always being "on" never truly having time to myself, it's taxing and exhausting. It's ok to admit these things and it doesn't take away from how much you love your kids.

feel free to talk about it and strive to get some time for you everyday, even if it's just a 15 minute bubble bath with a small bit of wine or something.

take care,
Di

[gringacely]

Mama I feel for you. I have a 3 yr old who never naps and a 4 mo old. Sleep deprivation can really make you feel like hell. Hang in there.

[megansar]

Thanks, mamas! I'm still on the fence as to whether it's worth a call to the doc or not. Dh gave me some breaks this weekend, and a much needed nap or two, and I feel a little better. Still overwhelmed, but better. And dh knows now just how much I need support, so that's good too - less pressure from him.
Thanks to both of you for your replies...I never knew it was this hard to lovingly parent 2 little ones. I hate when either of them has to cry. :