I want to write a letter

[kathteach]

I am an EP'er and I feel so mad at my hospital, pediatrician, and the LCs. I would like to write them a letter saying how I didn't receive sufficient help and/or education there and that ruined our bfing relationship. My husband even told me there was a sign in the delivery room that said bfing mothers must feed before they're moved to the other area. (You give birth in one room and then go to another part and recover and room-in with the baby.) I never saw that sign and I never did that. I had tons of trouble breastfeeding, there was one nurse who was helpful but all she did was manipulate my boob instead of teaching me how to do it. Most of the other nurses were extremely unhelpful and pushed formula on me, which I took because the baby was crying and I was scared. There was a pump next to my bed in the hospital and I was so clueless I didn't even know what it was or that I could have used it to help stimulate supply. When I went to visit the LC about five days after my son's birth I cried in her office and told her I couldn't figure out how to do it right and that I thought I had mastitis. I was painfully engorged and didn't even know it. All she said was "if you want to breastfeed, you will" and "you can pump and bottle feed the milk for your baby," which I ended up doing, but it is NOT an effective long-term solution. Oh, she gave me a nipple sheild as well. I'm struggling at nine months and pumping has really negatively affected everyone in my family, plus I have recently started having to supplement with formula because I couldn't handle waking up every three hours at night to pump and my supply's gone down. My baby had jaundice at his first dr app't and they said to give formula to get the bilirubin out. Nobody at any time thought that the reason he was dehydrated and I was engorged was because he wasn't getting the milk out. I had no clue and again, really scared by the ped about brain damage from jaundice. When I finally paid out of pocket for a private LC she said giving formula for jaundice is "archaic." Sorry I am rambling, with horrid grammar and no paragraph formation, I'm just banging this out as baby is sleeping and I"m pumping. The thing is, is that I am so obsessed and sad about not being able to breastfeed. I just can't let it go. I thought this letter might help me just accept this issue. But in a way I feel like it's my fault I failed. I did take the hospital class and I read books and the breastfeeding boards here so I really don't know what I could have done differently, but looking back it's so clear where everything went wrong.
Do you think I should write the letter? Do you think it would even make the peds and LCs possibly change their practices and approach? Or should I just let it go, since I had a responsibility as well?

[RootSnort]

I would certainly write a letter. The hospital needs to know that they have a lot of work to do! One letter can make for some very big changes. I wish you luck! I am sorry that you had such a bad experience.

[Amris]

Absolutely write that letter!!

They should be asking EVERY SINGLE MOTHER, "Do you plan to breast or bottle feed?"

Their entire staff sucks, and someone needs to let them know this is a tremendously important issue to some people!

You said baby is 9 months old, is that right? Have you tried recently to see if you can get baby to breast? I know it sounds unlikely, but you'd be surprised what determination can do.

[sapphire_chan]

Write. If someone as educated as you could end up in this state because of their system, imagine what it's doing to people who don't care one way or the other.

Let me think for a second about who I'd blame in your situation, the new mama who *just* gave birth to her first baby or the professionals who are *PAID* to do their *JOBS* and didn't...hmm, this is a hard one, but I'm going to go with choice B. Yeah, you could have done other things, you'll know to do those things next time. Meanwhile, it's still the hospital's fault for failing to adequately promote breastfeeding. The question isn't "are you going to breast or bottle feed?" it's "I'm an IBCLC, would you like any help with breastfeeding?" and then if someone says "I'm using formula" it can be followed up with "I can also show you how to hold the bottle to best promote bonding."

[CathMac]

Originally Posted by kathteach

My husband even told me there was a sign in the delivery room that said bfing mothers must feed before they're moved to the other area. (You give birth in one room and then go to another part and recover and room-in with the baby.) I never saw that sign and I never did that.
...
The thing is, is that I am so obsessed and sad about not being able to breastfeed. I just can't let it go. I thought this letter might help me just accept this issue. But in a way I feel like it's my fault I failed. I did take the hospital class and I read books and the breastfeeding boards here so I really don't know what I could have done differently, but looking back it's so clear where everything went wrong.

Kathteach,
The whole thing about the sign is kind of odd. I'm guessing it is somehow meant to encourage breastfeeding since you are more likely to be successful if you nurse within an hour of birth; but the way it's worded makes it sound like more of an administrative thing. In any case it has a "last nursing for the next 100 miles" or "nurse now or forever hold your peace" kind of feel to it. It seems kind of ominous. Or maybe that's just because I'm perceiving it through the lens of your experience.

My initial reaction was not to even waste your time with writing to them but the previous posters are correct. Someone needs to tell them. If not for you and your baby, for the next Mom.

Also, have you thought at all about trying to woo your baby back to the breast, as Amris suggests? If so, further below are a couple of links to recent threads on the topic. One Mom seems to be making really good progress. The other stopped for awhile and is trying again. Both of these babies are younger than yours, but I have read about success stories with older babies.

I have even heard of Moms bringing in a milk supply to nurse adopted babies, even young toddlers. Some relactate after nursing a biological baby; others have never nursed before. Of course supply is only half the issue. They managed to teach babies, of various ages, how to latch and nurse!

I am including some links to articles on the topic of Re-Lactating and Wooing Baby Back. One in particular talks about "Re-Birthing" I thought this technique sounded far fetched until I read a story about a woman who seemed to discover it by accident. Her husband coerced her into weaning her DD at 3 months and she really regretted it. Months later she was taking a bath with her DD when she reached up and playfully latched on. As one or more of the articles on this technique emphasize, safety is really important so you would probably want somebody nearby for peace of mind.

Also, I did come across a recent thread on nursing in the bathtub. It alludes to some of the elements that might be conducive to wooing baby back: a womblike environment, warmth, relaxation, comfort, skin to skin contact, etc. I have included a link to this thread beneath the article on Re-Birthing. My guess is they call it re-birthing because it may trigger the baby’s primal instinct and readiness to nurse shortly after birth.

Keep in mind that if you were to try something like this you could put as much or as little effort into it as you can. It doesn't have to be a do or die mission. In fact you might be more successful if you keep it light, relaxed, almost playful and look for natural opportunities to re-acquaint him with nursing. Co-sleeping in particular is a really good way to create lots of opportunity to nurse when DS is relaxed, comfortable and not too hungry.

It's just a thought and I probably wouldn't have mentioned it except you do say that you can't let it go so I thought I should at least throw it out there.

In the unlikely event that you do get some positive feedback from the hospital in response to your letter you might try enlisting their support and give them an opportunity to redeem themselves. Perhaps they could get you started with a prescription for Domperidone to get your supply up so you can cut back on the supplementation.

By the way, I have a bunch of articles and tips and techniques, on pumping and supply which I've accumulated as a Working and Pumping Mom. If you're interested in them respond in this thread (I'll check back) or PM me.

Don't be too hard on yourself. As I think about it I realize how easily your story could be mine if one or two things had been different. DD1 was a sluggish, jaundiced Nip and Napper. I was constantly asking the nurses for help. None of them were enthusiastic but I got just enough help that I was able to keep the nursing relationship on track. If I'd been a stay at home Mom I think I would have been fine but I don't think I nursed her often enough during the initial weeks to build the strong baseline supply I needed for pumping at work.

Of course I didn't know better, and even if the nurses cared enough to volunteer help with something as basic as a latch I don't think they would have had any idea of the importance of building a strong baseline supply for pumping at work. I think that has a lot to do with the fact that their schedules and the nature of their jobs are not conducive to breastfeeding their own children. In fact occasionally on these boards you'll hear from a BF'ing nurse that is met with hostility and resentment when she tries to pump at work. One Maternity nurse even commented that she's heard the nurses she worked with say things like it was going to be an easy night because they had all bottle-fed babies.

Anyways, I'm probably rambling now. In any event the LC certainly should have been more helpful.

Let me know if you would like those Pumping and Supply tips.

Take care and please come back and let us know how you’re doing. If nothing else you can get the moral support you need to continue EP’ing.

Links directly below.
~Cath

MDC thread on wooing baby back - Making Progress
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=603046

MDC thread on wooing baby back - Starting Over
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ghlight=wooing

Relactation and Induced Lactation Resources
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/adopt/rel...resources.html

Adoptive Breastfeeding & Relactation
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/adopt/index.html

Relactation and Adoptive Breastfeeding: The Basics
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/relactation.html

LLL Magazine / New Beginning’s Article: Phoebe’s Journey
http://www.lalecheleague.org/NB/NBJulAug06p166.html

Help -- My Baby Won't Nurse!
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/...to-breast.html

Re-Birthing: Help For Latch On Problems
http://www.lactationconsultant.info/rebirth.html

MDC link to thread on Nursing In The Bathtub
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ighlight=water

When a Baby Refuses to Nurse
http://www.mobimotherhood.org/MM/article-refusal.aspx

Helping a Mother with a Baby Who Is Reluctant to Nurse
http://www.lalecheleague.org/llleade...tNov99p99.html

My Baby Just Doesn't Get It
http://www.wiessinger.baka.com/bfing...e/babyget.html

[timneh_mom]

Please do consider writing the letter. Send it to everyone you think needs to hear you. If nothing else comes of it, you will have gotten it off your chest and maybe it will help things to change, especially if more moms write as well.

I really believe that new moms, even seasoned breastfeeders, can be so vulnerable to advice and information given to them in the hospital, by LC's, by doctors, and even well-meaning relatives and friends. It sounds like you really went through a lot and I am so very sorry you did not get the help and support you needed. Please do write it. If nothing else, you will feel better because of it. I wrote a huge letter to my hospital after having my son because I was so angry about many things that happened while I was there, and I actually got a phone call from the manager of the OB unit. I am not sure if things changed at all but at least I got to tell them what was on my mind and got feedback from someone who could DO something if she chose.

[annettemarie]

Just a thought--let me know if you'd like me to bump this over to Lactivism. We have some veteran letter writers there who might have some great advice.

[operamommy]

First off, please don't be so harsh with yourself. It's so easy to look back and know what we "should have done." Remember, hindsight is 20/20. That said, I think writing the letter is a great idea.

[tulsidas]

write many of letters!!!
i am with the other mamas here!!
it will really help future mothers! Our milk is one of the most important things for babes and it can be really challenging.
we support you!

the term EP??? i assume it means exclusivly pumping, is that correct