A pissy vent about nursing discretely

[Qtopia]

I am a pretty modest person. I've had body image issues since I hit puberty. I'm working on changing that. Needless to say, nursing in front of anyone other than my mom or DH is a little stressful for me. I'm working on changing that, too.

I like my nursing tops because they keep my stomach hidden, and I can usually shimmy the openings around so that my entire boob isn't showing once DS is latched on. Most of the time I still have a good portion of breast showing anyway, but I usually don't stress about it because I figure that's one step closer to me losing the modesty baggage. One day, I want to be one of those mamas who doesn't give a rat's a$$ if everybody and their dog sees her boob while breastfeeding. I'm not quite there yet.

However, I must say that I am a little pissy at companies that manufacture nursing wear. Every website and catalog I've seen has mamas with NOTHING, I mean not even a SLIVER of breast showing while supposedly breastfeeding their babies. In some pictures it looks like the baby is suckling more shirt than nipple. Yech! What alien babies are they breastfeeding? I've never seen a mama or a baby who had that much patience, concentration, or concern to align the folds of the shirt JUST RIGHT so that not even an IOTA of boob was showing.

This pisses me off because it seems like even though they are trying to be "supportive" of bfing, under the surface they are sending the message that a mama needs to cover up as much as possible.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, because after all the livelihood of these companies depends on women feeling as though they *need* discrete nursing wear, but it makes me pissy nonetheless.

[kama'aina mama]

I wonder how much of it has to do with them wanting to avoid their magazine becoming a standard among fetishists. There is also a possibility that some of the models are not nursing moms and are holding sleeping babies... cuz I'm with you... I never met a baby who would peacefully nurse thru a tiny slit like that.

[ellery]

DISCRETE

I JUST WIP UP MY SHIRT WHEREVER OH WELL THATS WHAT THERE FOR RIGHT LOL. THOUGH ALL BREASTS ARE DIFFERENT THEY SHOULD CRATE A SHIRT FOR THE BIGGER BREASTED

[Spookygirl]

I am fairly certian that Motherwear uses actual nursing mom's because they talk about it in the catalog it self. I think the lack of breast showing is more to pacify those that think that breasts should not be shown. While I disagree wholeheartedly, and am one of those woman who don't give a rats a$$ who sees me, I think they are trying to be seen a certian way. The catalogs where you normally see breasts showing are usually lingerie related, and while breastfeeding does require the baring of ones breasts to a point, they are showing that it can be done discreetly. I have gotten pretty good at getting the shirt just right as to not show anything. Of course it's all a waste of time, because DD will just take a hold of my perfect fold and push it up, or pull it away so I am bared anyways!

[padomi]

Carolina (I love your name), I AM one of those mamas who doesn't give a rat's a** if everybody and their dog sees my boob while I'm feeding my girl!! LOL!!!
But it took me a while to get that way. Sounds like you're almost there. Oh, and I don't own any nursing clothes - I tried one or two tops but the whole was never big enough to accomodate my milk-filled boob! You know, I've found that most people don't look at me when I'm feeding her anyway. Except older ladies - they are never afraid to come up and start a conversation. I guess because most of them nursed their babies, too.

[Sustainer]

ITA with you, Carolina! I think these companies that market "discrete" clothing and shawls, etc. are part of the problem. Mothers need to learn to bare their breasts and not worry about it, as you are doing, and I applaud you! : )

[cottonwood]

Lucy Lawless exposing herself

thought you might appreciate this:

http://home.earthlink.net/~eaglefalc...astfeeding.jpg

[kofduke]

I have to laugh whenever I see the motherwear catalogue - the shirts don't really work that well for me, and I can't really nurse my DS without supporting my breast - so I look nothing like them when I nurse!

That said, I NIP all the time. I've recently found that if you want to be a bit discreet, you can hold the blanket under the babe, instead of over your shoulder - stays put better, and really just looks like he's sleeping.

Good luck with starting to NIP !

Kristin
Mama to Aaron, 1/26/03

[abigailvr]

The only reason they look like that in the catalog is because after the baby is latched on, someone comes over and adjusts all the fabric around them. There's no way I could do all that, and hold DS and position my boob. I try to cover up at least half of my boob, but that still leaves a good deal showing, since I'm fairly well-endowed. I only occasionally wear nursing shirts, but sometimes I wonder why I bother.

Oh, and that photo of Lucy Lawless is great!

[Meiri]

The way I've handled this issue is wearing loose enough t-shirts that they drape downward and I don't worry about a bit of tummy showing. I only "worried" about what could be seen from above. I pull my shirt away rather than upward, let DD get access and don't worry about it--other than not letting her push it up. She came to like hiding under my shirt sometimes....:LOL

There is probably nothing Less discreet than a child with her entire head under mom's shirt, and her feet if she can achieve that too, and yet NOTHING shows!

[Qtopia]

Mamas, you are doing wonders for my confidence and my funny bone!!

Of course it's all a waste of time, because DD will just take a hold of my perfect fold and push it up, or pull it away so I am bared anyways!

The only reason they look like that in the catalog is because after the baby is latched on, someone comes over and adjusts all the fabric around them. There's no way I could do all that, and hold DS and position my boob.

I have to laugh whenever I see the motherwear catalogue - the shirts don't really work that well for me, and I can't really nurse my DS without supporting my breast - so I look nothing like them when I nurse!

Part of my pissyness is precisely because of what you mamas describe here. Moms trying to nurse discretely IRL just DON'T look like the moms in the catalogs/ websites. (Aside from those few minutes of perfection you have, Spookygirl. ) So it seems kind of like a very UNrealistic picture of nursing. I think that's why I buy these damn shirts in the first place! Because I've deluded myself into believing that I can achieve- with a boob in 1 one hand, a fussy baby in the other, and my modesty baggage weighing heavily on my shoulders- the same "LOOK" that a whole set of assistants does for the photo shoot.

Ugh, ugh, ugh! I need to JUST BARE IT ALL and get it over with, claim my power and move on. It sounds so liberating.

There is probably nothing Less discreet than a child with her entire head under mom's shirt, and her feet if she can achieve that too, and yet NOTHING shows!

Meiri, I've found that loose t-shirts are sometimes easier than my tops, too!

blueviolet, thank you! That picture of Lucy Lawless is absolutely fantastic. Maybe I should surround myself with pictures of women nursing INdiscretely to get my confidence up...

[Momtwice]

PERSONALLY I preferred to be covered while nursing and to have privacy.

But I get very offended when people say women SHOULD cover up or eat in the bathroom.

One of the many barriers to breastfeeding in Western cultures such as the US, is the fact that people don't understand that bf babies may need to nurse very, very often. To imply that their moms should hide for months is cruel, sexist and unpleasantly old fashioned.

I remember seeing a new mom nursing at the park. She was having such a hard time figuring it out. She was using a blanket which kept falling off. She was unbuttoning her blouse from the top which kept showing a LOT of breast. I did NOT think "how disgusting, a breast!" I thought "oh how sweet, she is learning how to nurse." Her fumbling was as sweet to me as a baby toddling around like Frankenstein, learning to walk.

And some babies and or moms cannot or will not be discrete and they do not offend me. They make me think "yay someone is nursing here!"


I'd rather see some human boobs than a bottle of formula.

In some cultures in Africa for instance, they think we are incredibly perverted in the US for believing that breasts are sexual and for grown men's pleasures (kind of like a Jerry Springer show about grownups with diaper fetishes.) These attitudes are CULTURAL and they must change if we want the health of mothers and babies to improve by longer and more frequent breastfeeding. Its fine and fun that breasts are erotic to us Westerners, but NOT if it means forcing a nursing mom into the bathroom or into the formula aisle at Wal Mart.

Thank you.

[eilonwy]

I actually manage to have little or no breast showing when I NIP in a nursing top, but that doesn't help because you can *hear* ds slurping for miles.. the sound seems to echo, especially after my extreme let-down (I used to nurse over a tarp!). slurp-ah-slurp-ah-slurp-ah! :LOL :LOL So much for discretion!

[LunaMom]

I know what you mean about those catalogs. It does look like the baby is sucking on the shirt!

I hated nursing clothes - found the openings too diffcult to maneuver, and I just wound up wearing loose shirts that I could pull up.

I also think discretion is a personal choice having to do with the mom's own modesty level, and that it is no one else's business to ask her to cover up for THEIR comfort. Although my choice to be fairly discreet also had to do with the fact that I did not have the energy to deal with confrontations or nasty glances while I was doing something as loving as nursing. It would really spoil it, KWIM?

[cottonwood]

I'm an extremely modest person too, and have had body image issues for just forever. But after six years of nursing I am pretty much over feeling like I want or have to be particularly discreet about nursing in public. It's just become a non-issue.

I also wear loose-fitting tops, so that there is fabric to drape around my stomach and side (don't want to shock anyone with those love-handles either! : ), and I sort of tilt the baby up so that although there is some breast showing (I don't want to suffocate her) it's unlikely that anyone would see it unless they were standing right over me, and you know, nobody needs to be that close.

[princess buttercup]

no nursing tops here

I hate the belly showing too! (brrrr...) I took a package of mens tank tops (undershirts) and put them on......
at the crease of my band strap(under the breast) i marked and cut 2 horizontal lines (they don't meet in the middle) about 3 or 4 inches across. I can tuck the tank in and lift the tank slit to expose the boob to nurse.
DH says I look like some cotton clad S&M Zena chic....LOL

[Sustainer]

I wear button down shirts and unbutton them from the top.

[Hannah's Mom]

I hate nursing tops. They don't work for me AT ALL. I am also most self conscious of my pale flabby tummy. I've found overalls (if you're doing something casual enough for them) to be great for this. They are a little cumbersome until you get used to them, but you just unhook one of the straps, pull up half of your shirt and your tummy stays mostly covered.

[ameliabedelia]

Actually I NIP discreetly without showing any breast as do lots of other moms I know.

I just wear loose fitting, t-shirt-like tops, pull it up and pop my dd on. The only way you can tell I am nursing is that my shirt is bunched up over my breast.

Of course now my 15 month old likes to grab the shirt and pull it away from my breast, so that makes it much more indiscreet, but when she isn't doing that and is nursing intensely you can't see anything. DD covers my stomach.

If she pops off I just pull my shirt so it is hanging over my breast, covering up exposed area. Really, you would have to be right next to me, purposely looking to tell she was nursing.

You just need to wear loose shirts, tight ones aren't really modest, which is fine with me, I don't wear tight shirts anyway.

So, my point is NIP discreetly can be done WITHOUT nursing shirts (actually I find the shirts with slits to be more indiscreet for the reasons stated, breast peeks through)

Note: I am not saying people should be discreet when NIP. If someone is comfortable exposing all, that is good for them. This is meant to help those who aren't comfortable being indiscreet

[kindmomma]

First of all...is lucy lawless's child wearing a cloth diaper? What an impressive photo!
Most of my nursing in public is done with my maya wrap. And it never fails that someone sees his little feet and comes up and opens my sling! Some women are very embarrassed others are very sweet (usually older women) once one woman said "oops sorry to bother you during lunch" and then she put her hand on my shoulder and said "good for you" I about cried. Sadly that was the nicest thing ANYONE has ever said to me about NIP. Most people are impressed with the sling and if they want to see what is connected to those sweet little newborn feet I tell them "he is eating" just so no one gets a peek at something they might now expect. I have very large breasts (bigger WAY bigger than DS's sweet little head)!
I just bought some motherwear tops and the new ones are great. I think they made the openings bigger. Although I do not like the one center opening, that is much harder than I want or need. But the 2 slits with the flap is great for me.