Have you EVER spanked? - Page 2

[MelKnee]

I've hit my ds twice.
The first time, he was about 20 mo, I was sewing and he just would not leave my machine alone. I swatted his fingers. He cried. I cried. We hugged and I promised him never again.
Second time, I was 4 days pp with my dd. I had an appointment with my mw. My mom was going to watch my ds, but ds was completely out of control, so I had to take him with me. Ds was totally out of sorts because of the new baby, no one was taking the time for him, then when my mom couldn't keep him, he totally lost it. He was hitting and screaming. I took him in his room to get dressed and he started hitting me. I hit his butt. Which, of course, escalated everything. As soon as I did it, I broke down and told him how sorry I was. We cried and screamed together. Eventually, we calmed down and talked about the situation. I told him I was wrong to hit him. I told him I understood why he hit me. Since then, we have done a lot of talking about appropriate ways for both of us to express our feelings.
Not hitting has taken a lot of restraint and reprogramming for me. It is how I was raised and my first impluse. I've learned to breathe and think before I do anything.

[MamasBoys]

Ex spanker here, and by "ex" I mean VERY RECENTLY an ex. Let's hope I can keep it up.

My Dad used to spank us with a belt--anyone else grow up with that sort of background?

[UUMom]

No. But once we were on a horribly slippery icey road at 1 am in Vermont, I did reach back and roughly grabbed an arm when an older kid was screaming that his baby sister (who was sound asleep) touched him. It was a wicked life and death night, and after trying to calm him, I reached back, grabbed whatever part of the arm I could, and said in a stage whisper "Do not wake the babies!!!!!!!!!!!" . No steetlights, no moon, I couldbn't see the shoulder, it was so dark and cloudy. But I still felt like a piece of crap.

I think it's damn pretty cool that so many people are saying they have never been rough with their kids. Gives me hope for the future, and I rarely feel hope for the future, given so much of the piss- poor parenting I read about on MDC.

[irinam]

Originally Posted by MamasBoys

My Dad used to spank us with a belt--anyone else grow up with that sort of background?

Present.

[pookel]

Nope, and never had the urge to either. I'm not some kind of saint, it's just that I tend to want to cry when I hit the end of my rope, instead of getting angry. I am pretty sure that if I hit my kid when he was doing something wrong (or having a meltdown) it would just make him freak out more, anyway. That's how he reacts if he gets hurt in some way when he's already upset (like if he trips during a tantrum).

[mama2mygirl]

I threatened to spank my dd once and then I felt awful. I went on to say how sorry I was and she looked at me with such confusion on her almost four-year-old face. I finally realized she had no idea what I was talking about and said, "Do you know what spanking is?"
She leaned forward and said, "Noooo. Can you tell me?"
I felt wretched and I couldn't bring myself to say, "Well, Mama is threatening to hit you on the butt several times. In order to cause you physical and emotional pain."
So I said, "I'll tell you later."

[AntoninBeGonin]

I know you mean well, but enough of us have handled these situations without spanking to know it's not necessary.

~Nay, 'ing the 29 m/o

[fly-mom]

I threatened to spank my dd once and then I felt awful. I went on to say how sorry I was and she looked at me with such confusion on her almost four-year-old face. I finally realized she had no idea what I was talking about and said, "Do you know what spanking is?"
She leaned forward and said, "Noooo. Can you tell me?"
I felt wretched and I couldn't bring myself to say, "Well, Mama is threatening to hit you on the butt several times. In order to cause you physical and emotional pain."
So I said, "I'll tell you later."

My mom was talking to dd one day, and they were joking around. Mom told dd "I'll spank your tee-hiney [butt]" (she was totally joking, although she spanked me, she regrets it and would never do that to dd). Anyway dd aked her "What is a spank?". I think my mom was floored. She couldn't comprehend a kid wouldn't know what a spank was. I was happy.

[AntoninBeGonin]

Originally Posted by fly-mom

My mom was talking to dd one day, and they were joking around. Mom told dd "I'll spank your tee-hiney [butt]" (she was totally joking, although she spanked me, she regrets it and would never do that to dd). Anyway dd aked her "What is a spank?". I think my mom was floored. She couldn't comprehend a kid wouldn't know what a spank was. I was happy.

That's awesome! :

~Nay

[daniedb]

Nay, that is a really disturbing story. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that, and for your sister as well.

[AntoninBeGonin]

Originally Posted by daniedb

Nay, that is a really disturbing story. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that, and for your sister as well.

Mom was weird. Like, really. One day she'd take us and any neighborhood friends to the pool and the next something would make her flip out. We got used to it. There are a lot of underlying reasons (aren't there always?) but they're complicated. The most important thing is no one will ever hit my kids and I'm trying to be a positive role model so my sisters will also realize violence towards kids is never necessary.

~Nay, now 'ing the 4 month old...it never ends!

[Momtwice]

No, never.

[Happy and Cheerful]

Originally Posted by AntoninBeGonin

I know you mean well, but enough of us have handled these situations without spanking to know it's not necessary.

~Nay, 'ing the 29 m/o

Well, that is true, there are many, many other things you can do to discipline a child.

I just mean to say that I don't judge other parents who swat (not spank) when it's an emergency situation.

I try not to do it and I try really hard to have a discipline plan in advance so I know what to do when something comes up, but I have swatted on occasion, like a hand away from a hot surface or a fireplace.

Of course, there is always room for improved discipline techiques.

[HerbLover]

No, thankfully Ive never gone that far (not that it hasnt crossed my mind). I feel guilty enough just raising my voice.

[peacelovingmama]

I have to respectfully disagree. Hitting is NEVER in line with gentle parenting whether one calls it a "pat" or a "swat" or a "love tap." And of course one may keep a child safe from traffic and burns without hitting.

That said, I have never hit my kids. But I'm no saint either. I have resorted to non-gentle methods (like pulling a child into a bedroom for a time-out) and I am not proud of that at all. But I would never claim that my behavior was in line with gentle parenting. None of us is perfect but it does bother me to see violence classified as "in line with" GD (and I'll add that I don't judge either because many parents resort to what they know/have experienced and while I loathe the act, I don't judge the parent -- hope that makes sense!).

[Bartock]

What the heck would other be?

[peacelovingmama]

Originally Posted by ilovemy2ds

What the heck would other be?

My guess is that "other" is for those who have hit and who continue to do so.

[AntoninBeGonin]

Originally Posted by Happy and Cheerful

I just mean to say that I don't judge other parents who swat (not spank) when it's an emergency situation.

Oh, you mean like when you're just in time to see a child moving toward danger and you only have a split second to quickly move her away from it? If so, that's totally understandable. IMO, that doesn't count as any form of discipline. Discipline is spanking after grabbing your running toddler by the arm to pull them back from stepping off the curb. Being grabbed, even if it hurt, was not meant as punishment, whereas the spanking was.

~Nay

[425lisamarie]

I haven't ever. My mom was a yeller...although that's definately NOT what my sis and I remember her by, but I do remember her yelling. Her mom was a spanker, and a LUNATIC yeller. I broke the cycle, we are all gentle here

[limabean]

Nope, never, and never been tempted to. I'm so grateful that spanking is something I've never seen modeled, so it's just not in my toolbox when it comes to discipline.