tantrums and nursing

[gabesmama]

For the past 2 weeks we were visiting DH's Father and family. It was a wonderful trip, however, DS was a little off. He was very clingy and started having these screaming fits.

When DS would have a fit, I would just nurse him and they would stop ans some times he would just fall asleep. I have heard mixed messages about stopping a tantrum by nursing. Some say that it is a wonderful tool to use and others say that you need to allow your child to express his/her emotions. MIL says that I am rewarding his behavior.

So my question is do you think that it is detrimental to nurse to stop a tantrum? If so, what do you suggest?

Thanks,

Lori

[Alexander]

Electric shock treatment.

Just kidding

How old is he?

I am using an extreme to demonstrate that doing the opposite to "rewarding him for that behavior" does not sit well with common sense (unless you are an Ezzo moron!) and that since a tantrum is a kid already out of control of himself, helping him get back under control is the goal.

Of course, if he is 5, and being awkward, that is a different matter.

a

[gabesmama]

Thanks for your reply DS is 21 months

[Alexander]

Plug 'im in then and don't regret it.

a

[sueami]

i absolutely agree. i've gotten the same feedback and had the same fears, but from all i've read about children's developmental needs, i think it's completely appropriate and neccessary to help our children calm themselves and nursing is top of the list for me. it takes children years to learn how to master their own emotional reactions (in fact, i know quite a few adults, myself included at times, who don't have that trick down!) and being a calming, soothing, engaged presence for them is critical.
warmly,
susan

[zombiemommie]

Usually a child is having a tantrum because they *cannot* express their emotions/issues adequately (in young toddlers, lack of language skills is usually part of the issue). Once children get more verbal, and can express what they want/need etc., then the tantrums usually start to decrease (that is...until they start the tantrums because they can't have whatever they ask for,,,ot, another thread) ANYWAY the point being that your son is frustrated/angry for whatever reason and he can't tell you yet. Let me ask you, if you DIDN'T nurse (like you were a formula feeding mom not a BF mom), what would you do? Let him flail on the floor ? I'm sure you would pick him up, hold him tightly, give him a hug/love whatever. How is offering comfort from your breasts any different ? Would they be saying the same thing if you weren't a breastfeeder? Its not like the whole reason he is HAVING the tantrum is over nursing, like he wants to, you can't right now, and he freaks out. YOu aren't sure WHAT the isue is. You are comforting him with your handy-dandy boobs. They just don't understand and won't either I'm sure.

Sheesh, that was one of the reasons I KEPT nursing my toddler. Instant tantrum tamer. That milk just soothes the irrationality out of the beast.

Ignore the IL's. Do you have access to the book "Mothering your nursing TOddler" by Norma Jane B something or other ? GREAT BOOK. Validates alot of these issues.

(((hugs)))

[Momtwice]

Nursing a toddler is GREAT during tantrums.

Using the phrase "rewarding the behavior" shows a lack of understanding of small children in my opinion.
It also implies that strong feelings and emotions are unnacceptable...not healthy IMO. It implies that a small child must be born with adult levels of self control and intellectual understanding......and if not they are "bad." Yuck.

MIL may have felt hurt because the baby was NATURALLY clingy and afraid of her since she's not Mom. MIL got hurt so she REACTED and criticized your parenting and your baby. Understandable, but not very logical, and incorrect in my opinion.
Also, it sounds like MIL may have issues with nursing.

If we moms were not meant to nurse an upset baby
then WHY does sucking naturally "organize" a child's brain and slow down their heart beat? If we moms were not meant to nurse a tantrumming toddler, then WHY does nursing create a chemical/hormonal reaction which soothes and calms both
mother and child? Someone said mom's milk is like "knock out drops" and makes them sleepy. If your child had a tantrum and then fell asleep, your child probably was tired and needed that nice peaceful transition to sleep that nursing provides.
It's not just gentle,loving parenting to nurse a screaming toddler........SCIENCE is on your side.

Plus some tantrums happen because a child's blood sugar suddenly drops and they need a little snack...again nursing is GREAT!

I used to nurse to soothe and calm a child during tantrums and it worked like a charm, I would definitely keep it in my arsenal of parenting tools if I had any more kids.

[NoraB]

I have seen ppl forcefully try to hold a paci in a screaming baby's or toddler's mouth. Yet the same person would be horrified at the idea of nursing for comfort. I agree that babies and toddlers do not yet know how to control their emotions, and tantrums often happen when they reach their limit. They cannot help it, they meltdown. It's our job as parents to help them learn to control themselves. If your little one finds nursing comforting in this situation...by all means nurse him. That's not rewarding his behaviour, it's helping him get a grip on himself. Now, if he threw a tantrum b/c he wanted a particular toy or something and you gave him the toy just to quiet him down...that would be setting a dangerous precident (and teaching him to use tantrums in a manipulative way). I do recommend, however, that you try your best to identify the triggers of his tantrums and short circuit them before he blows. KWIM?

[mom2abm]

Just this afternoon I asked my 3 1/2 yo ds who was in the middle of the hugest tantrum if he wanted the "mamas" and he looked so desperate and said yes. With in ONE MINUTE he was calming down and of course at that age unlatched adn was like ok I am better now and went on his merry way! He is almost weaned completely *sniff sniff*. But that is one tool I sorely miss when they do wean. It is such a cure all. Believe me with a 12 yo dd, a 9 yo ds, and a 3 1/2 yo ds. I can tell you that nusing to help calm them down is NOT rewarding the behavior it is a temporary LOVING coping mechanism. They gradually learn to help themselves calm down in other ways. Unless of course your child is spirited and then you may need to really step in and help them.

I guess the point is there are many of us out there with "older" children who can tell you that your kids do eventually wean, sleep by themselves, become more independent ect ect ect even if it is on their own time and not societies!!!!!!!

Sarah