Help! I think I weaned dd too soon :(!

[beemama]

It's been a few months since I weaned my 3 yo dd. We had a really strained nursing relationship for the last 2 years and I had it down to one nursing a day for months before I stopped. She would always bite & laugh about it, even with just that one nursing she would latch on & quickly bite me, I'd pull away & she'd laugh & go to sleep. It was so hard for me to deal with.
Well, so I stopped letting her... and she became completely obsessed with my bbs, always grabbing them. To this day she STILL grabs them every chance she gets & occasionally begs me to nurse. She tells people about my bbs when I'm not around (this is something my IL's & parents have used against me in my decision to nurse her beyond infancy, too).

I'm so sad! I'm 6wks pg now and have very painful/swollen bbs. I almost broke down & nursed her again today... but then I was afraid it would throw my progesterone off, or that it would hurt... or that it was too late and it wouldn't help our situation. I'm a mess! She's a mess. Help!!

[timneh_mom]

Hi Kelly!

It sounds like you've both been through a rough time since your DD stopped nursing! I hope I can reassure you a little (I'm at the end of my pregnancy and have nursed every day of it so far). Nursing her won't do anything to your progesterone levels. If anything, your progesterone levels will slow your milk production down - being pregnant tends to dry a lot of moms up. It may hurt a little and it may not, I got really lucky through this pg and have not had the kind of nipple tenderness that a lot of moms have. Will it help you both to let her? You could always give it a try and find out! It won't hurt you or the pregnancy... she may decide she wants to nurse again, or she may decide it wasn't such a big deal after all. Sometimes we want most what we think we can't have, and I think that can go for children as well!

It sounds like she still seems to have a need... whether it be for actual nursing or maybe for more of your attention. I know how hard it is at the beginning of pg to have the energy for a little one... but sometimes the needs that were met with nursing still need to be met in other ways when nursing ends.

I'm sorry your family has given you such grief about this! I think it's wonderful when a child can talk about nursing and remember it... and I wish that was a more universal feeling!

I hope things get easier for you, whatever you decide to do!

[CathMac]

I nursed DD1 through a low supply pregnancy and am now tandem nursing.

It has worked out pretty well for me but if you do start nursing your DC again you'll need to be prepared for the possibility of tandem nursing. You also need to know that nursing while pregnant can sometimes be a little uncomfortable, but if she was only nursing once a day it would probably be easier for you than it might be for someone with a toddler that nurses several times a day. Although she may want to nurse more often after the hiatus.

Definitely check out the book "Adventures In Tandem Nursing" or at least visit Kellymom's tandem nursing pages. The second Kellymom link below has a lot of info from that book.
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/tandem/index.html
http://nursingtwo.kellymom.com/

If you decide to give it a shot I would strongly recommend you be ready to set gentle limits and strictly enforce nursing manners. As much as you may love having the nursing relationship back I think you need to terminate any nursing session as soon as she bites and do not resume the session unless you are sure she won't bite you again. Since she is three years old you can can actually explain this the way you would any other behavior you are trying to prevent or correct.

Good luck with your decision.
~Cath

[ma_Donna]

My DS1 is 3y3mo and we're down to one short nursing in the morning.

His nursing went WAY up when DS2 was born and I let it be so for a while, then started trimming the time down, saying 'one more minute' then slowly counting to 60, and limiting the occasions to before/after sleep to where we are now.

About 2 months ago after a 'one more minute' he wasn't done being close to me and asked to 'hide your milk with my hand' and now he often does that after a nursing session. When there are occasions at other times that he's really asking/wanting/needing to nurse I offer 'hiding' as a substitute and it often works.

I'm really working on being respectful when he does this. He must ask and no shoving his hand up my shirt no pinching, scratching, playing around, etc.

Maybe think about an intimate ritual that you can use in place of nursing. I'm also finding for me that respectful behavior is mandatory at 3yo.

[beemama]

Thank you all for your responses! I really appreciate it. One by one...

timneh_mom~
The reason I worry about nursing again... a little background- we were TTC for 2 years while BF w/one early m/c... I weaned dd & got pregnant 2 months later. I think if I had become pregnant & continued to nurse it would be okay but worry about reintroducing it in the first trimester. My breasts are SO sore, nipples are tender to begin with and the reason we quit was because of the biting & roughness during nursing. I feel bad for saying it but it was so bad I was really resentful of our nursing relationship.

I do feel like I was doing the very best thing for her in giving her a good start. I just wish I would've learned how to keep healthy boundaries with it.

CathMac Thank you for the book rec's and advice. See, that's what I worry about...respect.. our nursing relationship was so difficult for me, it was CONSTANTly biting, pinching.. that's how we got down to one nursing... I let that go on for so long, even tho she was biting. In the end I was so frustrated & tired of being hurt. I think you're right, tho... and this mutual respect is important whether we nurse or not

ma_Donna
We have been snuggling a lot more, it's the kind of closeness I've always hoped for with my spirited child. We have official "snuggle time"s which happen to be when she really liked a nurse, like first thing when we wake up, after baths, etc. I let her pat my boobs & smell them, she really likes it.

I guess I want to learn how to get past this without nursing again.

I want to find a way to heal our nursing relationship now, even tho it's over.

Is there any way to?