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Daughters seeing Papa naked - Page 6

Poll Results: Is it okay for your toddler or older aged daughter to see her dad naked?

 
  • 2% (10)
    Not in our house. We are all private about nudity.
  • 9% (45)
    It's split by gender. Girls can see Mama, but not Pop.
  • 37% (172)
    It's not a big deal if it happens.
  • 50% (227)
    What's your hang up? We're all family here.
454 Total Votes  
post #101 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by Papooses View Post
If you re-read what I've written, you'll notice that it is based on research as was told to me through various reliable sources. You'll also notice that I do respect you. I respect you because I realize that parents here are more likely to be emotionally attuned with their children than the general American public, which HELPS reduce the risk.

Children seeing adult genitalia increases their risk, just as spanking increases risk. Neither is illegal per se, but neither is the ideal either. My main point in all this has been that parents OFTEN do not know when their children are sexually abused & children are surprisingly adept at developing coping mechanisms which protect their parents from discovering the secret. My other point being that there are other healthy ways to foster positive body image + sense of self (as well as confidence, etc) without increasing risk of the other.

I disagree with your "reliable sources" I think they're flat-out wrong. I'm sure I can find loads of research to show it too. I think they are coming from a warped point of view.

"Children seeing adult genitalia increases their risk" I totally disagree. In fact, I find it absurd.

-Angela
post #102 of 173
I saw my dad naked up to about 6 or 7, and then he became private about it. My DH is kind of private about it, not liking for our daughters to see him naked, but the other day my 7 year old walked into our room as DH was getting ready to get into the shower, and he didn't freak about it. He tries to act like it's no big deal even though it bugs him.

I still see my mom naked sometimes.
post #103 of 173
That's very interesting -- I'd like to see them discuss face to face to get a clearer picture.... I can say, though, that the people I spoke to are world renowned.

(P.S. honestly, I'm taking a break)
post #104 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by Papooses View Post
However, I feel the need personally to stress the fact that while we are more aware now than in the past, the rates of sexual abuse (2/3 of all women before the age of 12, 1/4 of all men) are still a low estimate. Also, when at least 90%of perpetrators are trusted family members or friends + the younger the child the more susceptible to emotional blackmail & the less likely to express their pain in ways that lovign adults understand ... it is still so urgent that kids develop boundaries very early in life!
I can't believe I am asking this. I want to see your resources and their definition of sex abuse. None of the things I have read coincides with the numbers you just gave.

I guess it is because I am from MO, show me what and were you got your information.
post #105 of 173
I think it's pretty obvious her sexual abuse is clouding judgement on this issue.

I grew up in an open family, and have lived a life free of any sexual abuse. I think the human body was way over sexualized, and the fact that people think a CHILD can get aroused by a glance at a parent's nudity? Absurd.

I'll continue to live a life where if my child happens to see my naked body when I get out of the shower .. big deal. And I hope he learns there is nothing wrong or shameful about his body as well, certainly nothing that should be immediately hid from family members so they don't catch a glimpse it. Too wierd for me.
post #106 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by roxyrox View Post
I just can't believe these numbers are true. Are you really saying that 2 out of 3 women are abused before the age of 12? I don't believe it.
haven't read all the posts and don't care too as it seems to be getting a bit heated from the few I have read. Just wanted to pop in and say that yes, those statistics are correct. Sick I know!
post #107 of 173
I haven't read all the responses but would you be as upset if a son saw his mother naked?
post #108 of 173
re: the OP...I haven't read much of the rest.

It's not an issue around here.

DS1 saw me naked quite a lot until he was about 8 or 9. When dh moved in, that changed, because ds1 started knocking before coming into the bedroom and stuff like that. It still happened once in a while, but not often (ie. get up to use the bathroom naked, and ds1 was up really early or something). We moved into my mom's for a few years when ds1 was almost 10, and that was the end of that. When we moved back into our own place, ds1 was 12, and his boundaries had changed. He's not bothered by seeing my breasts (as I've had two nurslings in the last few years), but he's uncomfortable with full nudity, so that doesn't happen now. (I do still slip into the bathroom naked sometimes, so the possibility does exist, but it hasn't happened yet.)

DD will be four in May. She still sees dh naked, as we sleep naked, and she climbs in with us in the morning on the weekend. I don't care about it at all. If dh or dd ever becomes uncomfortable with nudity around each other, then the nudity will stop...no issue.
post #109 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by Papooses View Post
Yes, exactly -- but when nudity is so commonly portrayed as sexualized & kids see this in brief images everywhere by the time they begin really thinking about their bodies, seeing the parents naked is associated with sexualized images & the stress is shown by increased heart rate, etc.... If it's a homeschooling family without TV, this probably isn't an issue whatsoever, but in most of America & other such nations, it is very real (as is the stigma & continued relative silence).
Yes, but I see the "relative silence" as furthering the taboo and sexualization. We're pretty darn open here about everything and yes, I do realize my kids will see those images around in life but hopefully, they'll have a solid grounding in reality from their family. Rather than seeing a family penis and getting excited, they're more likely to see a TV breast and say "so, what's the big deal?" My sons KNOW that breasts are functional for babies...period, end of subject...there is nothing sexy or exciting about them.
post #110 of 173
Here are some stats from:
http://www.darkness2light.org/KnowAb...atistics_2.asp


Prevention Tips:

Talk openly with your child.
Good communication may decrease a child's vulnerability to sexual abuse and increase the likelihood that the child will tell you if abuse has occurred.

* Teach your children about their bodies, about what abuse is, and, when age-appropriate, about sex. Teach them words that help them discuss sex comfortably with you.
* Model caring for your own body, and teach children how to care for theirs.
* Teach children that it is "against the rules" for adults to act in a sexual way with them and use examples. Teach them what parts of their bodies others should not touch.
* Be sure to mention that the abuser might be an adult friend, family member, or older youth.
* Teach children not to give out their email addresses, home addresses, or phone numbers while using the Internet.
* Start early and talk often. Use everyday opportunities to talk about sexual abuse.
* Be proactive. If a child seems uncomfortable, or resistant to being with a particular adult, ask why.

One survey showed that fewer than 30% of parents ever discussed sexual abuse with their children.

And even then, most failed to mention that the abuser might be an adult friend or family member.
post #111 of 173
Well, heck, I get it now...
Quote:
Some basic guidelines are:

* parent of the opposite sex should stop being in the nude when the child is about 1 year of age
* child should not see the same sex parent in the nude after about 4 years of age
* child should ALWAYS innitiate conversation about their maturing body unless the topic has not been raised during the Middle School years, in which case the parents MUST innitiate the conversation before the child is immersed in High School

None of this means the child will be scared of nudity -- it's more likely that a child will be intimidated by nudity when exposed to adult nudity more often & it is also more likely that a child will be intimidated by nudity when the parent uses other overt or even covert methods to associate sex with shame: such as, saying "ew" at media images of scantily clad women, covering a child's eyes during sex scenes instead of simply choosing more appropriate programming, etc. Two recommended readings:

* Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse: A Parent's Guide (Janie Hart-Rossi) / Accompanies: "It's MY Body"
* Safe Child Book: A Commonsense Approach to protecting children and teaching children to protect themselves, for children from 3 to 16 (by SHerryll Kraizer, PhD)
I realize that if it's in print, it must be true.
post #112 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by Papooses View Post
This caused such intense shame because at the same time my parents were teaching me not to let anyone touch me "down there" & to tell -- but I had tried telling! I said I thought *he* was YUCKY.
Quote:
My parents did everything "right" in regards to protecting me (my perp only had mere moments at a time, but he still got to me right under my parents' noses) --
Did they try to find out why you thought he was "yucky"? I've also got a history of sexual abuse, and if one of my kids told me that they thought someone was yucky, I'd be very concerned about what was going on and why.

I'm not slamming your parents, because I know my mom made mistakes in how she handled things, simply through a lack of knowledge about sexual abuse (it was much more of a closed door back then). But, it doesn't sound to me as though they did "everything right", either.

I was abused by my grandfather. So was my sister. So were both my female cousins.

I eventually talked to mom about it. So did my sister.
Neither of my cousins ever did. Coincidentally or not, my sister and I lived in a home where nudity was no big deal - I know we still bathed with dad at about 3 and 4. My cousins lived in a home that followed all your rules about nudity. They had "healthy boundaries"...but they were ashamed of their bodies, and we weren't.
post #113 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by doriansmummy View Post
Here are some stats from:
http://www.darkness2light.org/KnowAb...atistics_2.asp

The statistics are shocking

* 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18.
* 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 18.
* 1 in 5 children are solicited sexually while on the internet.
* Nearly 70% of all reported sexual assaults (including assaults on adults) occur to children ages 17 and under.
Mmm statistics. Gotta love those guys who asked everyone in the world those questions in order to draw such accurate conclusions in points 1 - 3.

data collected from interviews of small numbers of selected participants may reflect the possible incidence of the specified activity but it is wrong to extrapolate these to make absolute statements about general populations especially in this context.

These discussions just make me sad; especially when I also read of the problems women have when breastfeeding outside the home. From the outside it looks like the US is in a mortal struggle between puritanism and the objectification of the physical body.

Attaching shame to the body is no solution.
post #114 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by doriansmummy View Post
Here are some stats from:
http://www.darkness2light.org/KnowAb...atistics_2.asp

The statistics are shocking

* 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18.
* 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 18.
* 1 in 5 children are solicited sexually while on the internet.
* Nearly 70% of all reported sexual assaults (including assaults on adults) occur to children ages 17 and under.
That's pretty horrifying..it's also a far cry from "2 out of 3 girls are abused before age 12". These stats are largely guesswork, anyway - they may be quite accurate - they may not.
post #115 of 173
I was raised by a (mostly) single mother and I saw her naked pretty often. She was married twice and I never saw either of her husbands naked and I'm glad about that, since they weren't my dads. I'm not sure how I would have felt about it if I did have a dad that I saw naked. I still see my mom naked occassionally.

DD is 5.5 and bathes with her 3 y/o brother and sometimes showers with me. She's used to seeing me naked and I'm glad that she can see me naked as my pregnancy progresses, so she gets an idea of what it's like. DS still showers with me occassionally also.

DH always asks DD to leave the bedroom if he's about to change and he isn't comfortable with her seeing him naked. If she does on accident, and she has, we don't make a big deal of it.

Lately, we've been talking more about our bodies and how they're different and while I'm not sure yet how to approach it, since I never had to deal with or learn how to talk about what makes boys different, I'm preparing myself for these conversations. We've always talked about how our bodies are ours and what is ok and not ok, but I think we probably do need to get a little more "in-depth" about it.

I'll probably continue to let them see me naked occassionally as long as we're all comfortable with it. The moment I feel uncomfortable about it or sense discomfort in either one of my kids, the modesty level will shift to accomodate that.
post #116 of 173
Nudity is no big deal around here. Ds still bathes with me and showers with dh. I imagine dd will also. We sleep in the nude and change clothes in front of each other. We will continue until someone gets uncomfortable.
post #117 of 173
Nudity is a non-issue around here. I don't think it is healthy to act as though the human body is to be shamed.
post #118 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by grapejuicemama View Post
I I'll probably continue to let them see me naked occassionally as long as we're all comfortable with it. The moment I feel uncomfortable about it or sense discomfort in either one of my kids, the modesty level will shift to accomodate that.
That's pretty much how I feel about it.

I must say that the "talking about how we're different" has resulted in one moment of acute embarrassment for my teenager. His little sister walked up to him where he was lying on the couch and started explaining to him that he had a penis. He kind of mumbled, and she started yelling "you do have a penis, ds1 - you do have one" over and over. It was sooooo hard not to laugh, but he was obviously upset.
post #119 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
That's pretty horrifying..it's also a far cry from "2 out of 3 girls are abused before age 12". These stats are largely guesswork, anyway - they may be quite accurate - they may not.

I know they may not be accurate, but I figured I would post them.
It seemed some posters were wondering about the % of abused children.
I know alot of people never even tell anyone about abuse.
Either way its awful.. 1 out of 4 or 2 out of 3. Even 1 child...
post #120 of 173
But if the stats are inaccurate, then they are contributing to a hysteria. YES no-one should be abused, 0 out of 4 is the goal, but I really hate to see people get hyped up and paranoid over false or inaccurate reporting of statistics.
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