Daughters seeing Papa naked - Page 9

[eviesingleton]

Originally Posted by roxyrox

I am nearly 100% certain that none of my friends I had growing up was sexually abused. We all lived in the same street, went to the same school, I knew their parents well. We saw each other every single day. There was no abuse going on.

As for my friends I have made as an adult, at university, I would be so, so surprised if any of them had been sexually abused either. It is a subject that we have talked about (commenting on stories of abuse in the media for example) and they have all, like me expressed utter horror that anyone could do such things to a child. They (like me) find it hard to imagine because it is so far removed from their own experiences growing up.

I find it sad that people can believe that the majority of children in our society are abused before they are 12 years old.:

Wow! Not just a river.

The insidious nature of abuse is that it isn't readily apparent to outside observers. I grew up with a girl who, by all accounts, was "normal" and it wasn't until years and years had gone by that we learned that her father was sexually abusing her and her sister. And it doesn't sound to me like any of your friends had any substantial conversations about abuse. I've known plenty of women who, in some circles will express profound disbelief, but later admit their own experience.

[frenchie]

Originally Posted by Kleine Hexe

And even if you do ask they may flat out lie about it. Not everyone will admit to abuse.

exatly!!

[frenchie]

Originally Posted by roxyrox

I am nearly 100% certain that none of my friends I had growing up was sexually abused. We all lived in the same street, went to the same school, I knew their parents well. We saw each other every single day. There was no abuse going on.

As for my friends I have made as an adult, at university, I would be so, so surprised if any of them had been sexually abused either. It is a subject that we have talked about (commenting on stories of abuse in the media for example) and they have all, like me expressed utter horror that anyone could do such things to a child. They (like me) find it hard to imagine because it is so far removed from their own experiences growing up.

I find it sad that people can believe that the majority of children in our society are abused before they are 12 years old.:

I still feel like you're making assumptions. I'm just as horrified as the next person, that anybody would sexually abuse children.
What's so sad about believeing that so many children ARE molested? I find it sad that so many children ARE molested.

The part of your post I bolded above....I just have to say that none of that matters. How well you knew their parents, and how often you saw those kids is irrelevant to what could be happening when you're not with them. They could've been molested by a parent, family member, close family friend....or even a leader at camp. You just never truely KNOW unless they tell you.

[roxyrox]

Originally Posted by frenchie

I still feel like you're making assumptions. I'm just as horrified as the next person, that anybody would sexually abuse children.
What's so sad about believeing that so many children ARE molested? I find it sad that so many children ARE molested.

The part of your post I bolded above....I just have to say that none of that matters. How well you knew their parents, and how often you saw those kids is irrelevant to what could be happening when you're not with them. They could've been molested by a parent, family member, close family friend....or even a leader at camp. You just never truely KNOW unless they tell you.

Maybe none of that does matter but I know these girls so well kwim?

The girls I grew up with and the girls I went to university with (we lived together in the same house for 4 years.). We talked about everything. I really, really think if they had been abused they would have told me at some point. You are right, maybe no one will truly know though.

I found it sad that people can truly believe that that many children are abused because I think that's such a sad reflection on our society, that people believe there are that many people out there who would abuse children. Of course it is more sad that children are molested. I was talking earlier today about this post with a couple of friends. I asked them how many children they thought suffered sexual abuse. Their answer? Both said less than 10%. So maybe I was wrong, I don't think most people do believe that many children are abused. Maybe people who were abused growing up might believe it? I don't know.

[CherryBomb]

Did it ever occur to you that people who are abused live in total fear? I was physically, sexually, and emotionally abused by my father from birth, and none of my friends knew. Why on earth would I go blabbing it when I knew the man was capable of killing me and he had TOLD ME he would kill me if I told? For six years I was with my best friend EVERY SINGLE DAY and she had NO idea. I won't even get into the absolute shame involved. Even if I hadn't been certain he would've killed me, the shame alone is enough to be quiet.

It doesn't take much googling to find reliable statistics on child abuse.

At any rate, in answering the original question, my husband is not comfortable with our daughters seeing him nude. However, I do encourage him not to get upset if they happen to walk in on him. I understand why he's uncomfortable, but I don't want them to think there's something dirty or shameful about his body, or feel bad about accidentally catching a glimpse.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by CherryBomb

Did it ever occur to you that people who are abused live in total fear? I was physically, sexually, and emotionally abused by my father from birth, and none of my friends knew. Why on earth would I go blabbing it when I knew the man was capable of killing me and he had TOLD ME he would kill me if I told? For six years I was with my best friend EVERY SINGLE DAY and she had NO idea. I won't even get into the absolute shame involved. Even if I hadn't been certain he would've killed me, the shame alone is enough to be quiet.

What makes you think you have to tell? I have a friend who was sexually abused. She told me when she was 32. I knew when she was 13. She didn't know that I knew, though - I always believed she'd tell me if and when she was ready to do so.

It doesn't take much googling to find reliable statistics on child abuse.

I don't agree. I don't think there are reliable statistics on child abuse. However, I have to say that 67% before age 12 sounds awfully high to me. When I was a teenager and almost all of my female friends (say 90%) had been sexually abused, I still would have thought that 67% sounded high. We can debate it all we want - we're never going to know who's right.

[KayasMama04]

I don't like nakedness..dd will not bath with dh, see him naked etc...it just isn't right to me. I don't like dd seeing me naked but it could be because she tries and touches me and that freaks me out. There is no reason she needs to see her dad naked.

[SwissMama]

Originally Posted by Kleine Hexe

I keep waiting for the culture in the US to leave it's Puritan influence behind. Sigh. Hasn't happened yet.


It's all cultural. There are societies where everyone walks around almost completely naked. I don't think there are rampant abuse cases happening there.

Somebody had to say it, ITA.

My DH still sees his parents naked, and he's 33.

We also go to the beach in Holland in the summers, and there's many a naked man walking around - nobody blinks an eye. If seeing nudity at a young age increases the chances of being sexually abused, then I guess Europe has quite the impending epidemic. (tongue in cheek)

[sarahmck]

Originally Posted by blessed

This is interesting to me. Either people were sexually abused and so were many of their friends and aquaintances, or else they were not abused and neither were any of their friends or aquaintances.

My comment isn't quite topical, but your comment above made me think of something that I've considered in the past.

Once we were in high school, ALL of my brother's friends had divorced parents. ALL of my friends had married parents. Our parents are still married. I always wondered about that difference between mine and my brother's groups of friends. It seemed impossible that it could be a coincidence. I think that people gravitate towards certain personality characteristics. Perhaps there is something that children of divorced parents have in common that my brother was drawn to? Perhaps I, as a boring homebody, was drawn to kids whose home lives were "intact?" (Please don't read this as a blanket statement about the quality of the home life of divorced households. I'm just writing simply here for the sake of brevity and hope you get my point.)

I wonder if it's possible that the difference that blessed points out above could be that abused kids are drawn to personality characteristics that they see in other abused kids?

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by sarahmck

My comment isn't quite topical, but your comment above made me think of something that I've considered in the past.

Once we were in high school, ALL of my brother's friends had divorced parents. ALL of my friends had married parents. Our parents are still married. I always wondered about that difference between mine and my brother's groups of friends. It seemed impossible that it could be a coincidence. I think that people gravitate towards certain personality characteristics. Perhaps there is something that children of divorced parents have in common that my brother was drawn to? Perhaps I, as a boring homebody, was drawn to kids whose home lives were "intact?" (Please don't read this as a blanket statement about the quality of the home life of divorced households. I'm just writing simply here for the sake of brevity and hope you get my point.)

I wonder if it's possible that the difference that blessed points out above could be that abused kids are drawn to personality characteristics that they see in other abused kids?

I've always believed this. My group of friends when I was in high school consisted, with one exception, of people who had at least one parent with a drinking problem. This was a group of about 25-30 kids - and everyone of us had a parent with alcoholism. It wouldn't be hard to conclude from that sampling that 95%+ of people come from an alcoholic home, but I never thought that was the case. I really think that we're drawn, particularly when we're young, to people who come from a reality that reflects our own. People who hadn't been sexually abused, and people who lived in homes without drunkenness and without fighting, simply didn't "click" with my world view.

[LionTigerBear]

Originally Posted by orangefoot

I don't want my sons getting all their perceptions of women's bodies from advertising.

I am getting in on this topic a bit late but this is totally worth repeating. Thank you orangefoot.

[LionTigerBear]

Okay, I'll share something a bit personal.

When I was about two or three, my brother and I were taking pictures of each other naked with the camera. When my parents' developed the film they were hysterical. They actually called over the police and a social worker to talk to us about how that was not appropriate. How bodies are private. It was so shaming and traumatizing to us.

Shortly thereafter, I began to be sexually molested by an older boy-- a trusted and close relative-- which continues for the next 4+ years. I was embarrassed to tell my parents because of the previous incident and because of the way nudity and sexuality were dealt with in my home. Finally telling them was one of the scariest things I have ever done in my whole life, I can't express it. My cheeks are flushing now remembering this because the shame is still there to some degree.

I agree with the statement that it is important to raise children with healthy boundaries. However, boundaries do not need to be some arbitrary rule, but they need to based on what feels right and comfortable. If you teach a child to obey arbitrary (arbitrary here means not based on their actual comfort level) rules about privacy, then they are just learning to allow someone else to control their bodies. If you teach them to take control of their bodies and to have respect for their own bodies and others, than it's not about bending to arbitrary rules, but learning what feels right and wrong to them.

The difference between children who have been raised in these two different ways, is one may feel scared or shamed into obeying an adult even if it makes her feel violated, while the other will be guided by her own sense of discomfort and feel empowered to say "no!".

[Magella]

Originally Posted by Kleine Hexe

I keep waiting for the culture in the US to leave it's Puritan influence behind. Sigh. Hasn't happened yet.


It's all cultural. There are societies where everyone walks around almost completely naked. I don't think there are rampant abuse cases happening there.

ITA. Nudity doesn't cause sexual abuse of children. Pedophilia does.