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Daughters seeing Papa naked - Page 2

Poll Results: Is it okay for your toddler or older aged daughter to see her dad naked?

 
  • 2% (10)
    Not in our house. We are all private about nudity.
  • 9% (45)
    It's split by gender. Girls can see Mama, but not Pop.
  • 37% (172)
    It's not a big deal if it happens.
  • 50% (227)
    What's your hang up? We're all family here.
454 Total Votes  
post #21 of 173
I have no problem with dd (8 yrs.) seeing me naked and sometimes she doesn't either. I don't really walk around naked that often. Just today tho I was nursing ds and he had my other boob exposed and was playing with it and dd said "mom, put that boob away. i don't wanna see it."
Dh, on the other hand is very uncomfortable about letting dd see him naked. It probably started around the age of 3. He then stopped getting dressed in front of her. She would be horrified if she saw dh naked.
post #22 of 173
I'd consider comparing those countries' social dynamics related to Childhood Sexual Abuse & how women/girls are treated in general -- when everyone in the US is in some way associated (through family relation, friend, work, school, etc.) with at least 1 woman who suffered CSA by the age of 12 & this is based on a low estimate ... I can see how culture has something to do with it (there being an association with spanking & sexual abuse), but if those countries where nudity is more common & the people claim there's no relationship between psychosexual development with this, then I'd like to know what the likelihood of their own cultural negativites has on their thinking: is sexual abuse seen for what it is? Is sexual abuse publically spoken against? Is there adequate support for victims/survivors? When sexual abuse is seen as the norm, then it's effects are not recognized or even discussed. If the society is such that the sexual abuse rate actually is low & studies still show a lack of impact on psychosexual development, then I would so love to know how else their culture differs & push our representatives to do what it takes to help bring about such a change here!
post #23 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by Papooses View Post
Seeing adults' genitalia can & does produce confusion + arousal in most children: this can be considered sexual abuse even when there is no other sexual activity -- because it disrupts the child's natural discovery of the human body & triggers anxiety over what their own body will become.... Some basic guidelines are:[list][*]parent of the opposite sex should stop being in the nude when the child is about 1 year of age[*]child should not see the same sex parent in the nude after about 4 years of age[*]child should ALWAYS innitiate conversation about their maturing body unless the topic has not been raised during the Middle School years, in which case the parents MUST innitiate the conversation before the child is immersed in High School
I don't buy this, at all. Sorry, but I don't think it's natural AT ALL in any human culture for children to be shielded from naked bodies. My 4 yr. old opposite sex child still nurses, bathes and showers with me, cosleeps, and sees me naked many times a day. I assure you that this does not cause him any discomfort. It is natural and normal.

Seeing your parents naked is NOT sexual abuse. It's not even confusing or the cause of *any* anxiety, IMO and experience as a child and a parent.
post #24 of 173
You don't have to believe it, but science says otherwise....

Calmly asking for privacy when a child does see a parent in the nude teaches the child that they have the right to request privacy themselves -- this is different than freaking out if the child happens to walk in on a parent changing.

Genitalia are not breasts.
post #25 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by Papooses View Post
Some basic guidelines are:
  • parent of the opposite sex should stop being in the nude when the child is about 1 year of age
  • child should not see the same sex parent in the nude after about 4 years of age
  • child should ALWAYS innitiate conversation about their maturing body unless the topic has not been raised during the Middle School years, in which case the parents MUST innitiate the conversation before the child is immersed in High School
I think this is totally and completely absurd.

Are all Europeans abusing their children? Most cultures do not make the huge deal out of the human body that American culture does.

I feel sorry for anyone who lives with such a paranoid state of mind.

As I said, nudity was relaxed and comfortable in our household growing up. No one in our immediate family was sexually abused.

Frankly I am quite offended for you to suggest that my 2.5yr old seeing daddy naked is damaging her.

-Angela
post #26 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by hottmama View Post
I don't buy this, at all. Sorry, but I don't think it's natural AT ALL in any human culture for children to be shielded from naked bodies. My 4 yr. old opposite sex child still nurses, bathes and showers with me, cosleeps, and sees me naked many times a day. I assure you that this does not cause him any discomfort. It is natural and normal.

Seeing your parents naked is NOT sexual abuse. It's not even confusing or the cause of *any* anxiety, IMO and experience as a child and a parent.
:



I agree, entirely.
In fact, I bathe with my 18m old every, single, day - and he never once has looked at my yoni as anything but a foot or a forehead. He doesnt care, one day he'll understand the functions more, but he needs to be aware of his body and mine. There is No Shame in our house.

He doesn't really look twice at Papa either.
We'll continue to be naked around him as long as we feel comfortable.
post #27 of 173
Funny story on this...

Last week my 3.5 yo walked in on dh peeing. Her eventual question: "Daddy, what are those buttbangers behind your penis?" Needless to say, he was totally taken off guard and by the time he recovered she had skipped away singing a song about buttbangers.

Kids! Where do they come up with this stuff?
post #28 of 173
We're private with nudity here. I think it's an important part of teaching them about appropriate boundaries. I don't think having a family that's more nudity-open is harmful, though.
post #29 of 173
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by katherinezuels View Post
In fact, I bathe with my 18m old every, single, day - and he never once has looked at my yoni as anything but a foot or a forehead..
This is how my 3 yo is as well. I think it's kind of interesting. Early on she would rarely glance at my genitals, and once asked 'what's that?' I answered 'my vagina'. She kind of looked down at her own and then went back to playing. Now it's like she purposefully avoids looking or paying any attention. I think she's just being respectful of privacy, to be honest.

I imagine she'd be equally nonchalant about papa's gear if she'd been around it all her life. We just didn't do it that way though.
post #30 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by brewgirl View Post
Funny story on this...

Last week my 3.5 yo walked in on dh peeing. Her eventual question: "Daddy, what are those buttbangers behind your penis?" Needless to say, he was totally taken off guard and by the time he recovered she had skipped away singing a song about buttbangers.

Kids! Where do they come up with this stuff?
: I am so glad I was done drinking before I read that. : buttbangers
post #31 of 173
i think it affects ppl negatively when nudity is such a taboo issue in their own home.

NIP is a problem in our society for a reason. I think our hangups about nudity is one of those reasons.

i only have boys. so if the opposite sex in my home couldnt see each other naked, we would have our clothes on 24/7...that just does not seem right to me.
post #32 of 173
DD is 3.5. DH will cover up around her. But occasionally, he forgets or whatever. It's no big deal.
post #33 of 173
it is no big deal. being naked at home is not an issue here.
post #34 of 173
I voted the last option.

My sons see me naked still at 13 and 10 they also see dh and its no big deal (he is not their bio-dad) My dd sees her dad naked and she's 4. The baby sees all but ds1 naked and that's only because he's decided not to be seen without shorts on.

Last summer ds1 asked my dh to look at what he thought was a cancerous lump on his testicle and had got all freaked out about. Dh took a look and pronounced it an ingrowing pubic hair and all was well.

How difficult would this have been if we were a 'private' family?

I don't want to hide my body from my children but I don't put it in their faces either. If I'm dressing and they want to talk to me I talk to them while I dress. They have seen me ordinary, pregnant, post-partum and breastfeeding. They see how my body can and does change. I do't want my sons getting all their perceptions of women's bodies from advertising.

Dd was keen to point out daddy's 'willy' for a while and talked a lot about how she didn't have one but the boys did.

We are European but also British so not as extravagant in many ways as most of our continental compatriots but we aren't as prudish here as people think.

Nakedness is not perversion. What we can do with our naked bodies that we cannot do with our clothes on? Seeking to hide our skin and therefore protect our children from harm is barking up the wrong tree.
post #35 of 173
I don't really care what others do in their homes but here, naked bodies are no big deal. My husband sleeps naked and my 8yr old has seen him naked countless times. She even showered with him the other day. She doesn't even mention his penis anymore cuz it isn't a big deal to her. When she was smaller, she liked to point and laugh. (LOL Not good to do that to a man!) She declared around age three, with a big sigh, "I'm glad I have a vulva and a vagina! I don't want no penis!") She's, of course, seen me naked as well and we often bathe together. She sees me changing and likes to chat with me while I get dressed. We don't close doors here at all unless we have guests. Shrug. This is just the way we are.
post #36 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by Papooses View Post
You don't have to believe it, but science says otherwise....
I don't think that Lord Science proclaimed that 1 yr. old boys shouldn't see their naked mamas. Or 4 yr. olds, for that matter! Thankfully, common sense and sound research says otherwise.
post #37 of 173
I would not mind until the child seemed to care.
Most children will hit an age and they will want privacy etc for bathroom and shower. And at that point I would respect my child.
My son is 4.5 and still bathes with daddy or myself sometimes.
He does not care, he has seen it all before. he just sees it as bath or play time with us!

I had to add this after seeing replies.
My son is very modest and knows that his private areas are not for others to see. He even asks for privacy around grandparents to go potty.
He is not around us though.

I thought this had some great info regarding nudity with children:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nudity_and_children

I liked this quote:

"In fact, research suggests that children who have seen their parents nude do not grow up to be emotionally scarred, but instead are more likely to be accepting of their own bodies and comfortable with their own sexuality." Holly Robinson, HealthyKids.com
post #38 of 173
Many familes sauna here together daily as their "bath". We do not have a suana now but did at our last house and it is completely normal for the whole family to be sitting around naked together. In fact, we go to friend's house to sauna now. Dd does not sauna there as it is too hot and I do not want her viewing random naked people but dh and I do and it is not a big deal. When she gets old enough I will let her go into the girl's sauna if she wishes. My dorm hall even had a sauna that had coed hours We also go hiking or driving and decide to swim. We live on a huge open and unpopulated beach to the largest fresh water lake in the country. If we want to swim and there are no suits, we do. And have done so with other random strangers. Not up close and personal but within viewing distance. I see no problem.
post #39 of 173
I checked that it isn't a big deal if it happens, but until recently I would have checked the last one. DH is very comfortable naked and would often lay on the couch with a blanket on that way, a couple weeks ago our 3yo pulled the blanket up, stared at him and then proceeded to "honk" him . From that point on DH has worn boxers until the kids are in bed. We did address Emily and explain that we don't touch like that, that Daddy's penis is his, etc. It actually opened up into a nice discussion with her about people touching eachother and what is acceptable and what isn't.
post #40 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by Papooses View Post
I'm all for helping Leila feel confident with her self, her body & people in general.... However, I was also sexually abused as a preschooler by my neighbor/tutor -- my method of coping with this added dynamic to parenting a girl was to research child gender + sexual development, discuss with therapists who help child victims of sexual abuse, etc. Leila's Daddy is also an OBGYN so she knows the proper names for all body parts thanks to his educational posters (used to explain the basics to non-native refugees & teen patients) & the "G" version of what each body part is for (she knows Daddies have sperm that are like seeds which implant Mommies' eggs & babies grow in wombs, but she hasn't asked how the sperm get into Mommies so I haven't offered the information either).... Our basic rules are:
  • her entire body is only hers & our job as her parents is to make sure NO one touches her body unless she wants them to
  • that she can always trust her feelings & tell us if a touch feels funny or painful or scary or confusing
  • everyone in the family is granted privacy in the bathroom except Mommy is the parent who will help her if she asks for me
  • we wear at least as much as we would at the beach around the rest of the house
Seeing adults' genitalia can & does produce confusion + arousal in most children: this can be considered sexual abuse even when there is no other sexual activity -- because it disrupts the child's natural discovery of the human body & triggers anxiety over what their own body will become.... Some basic guidelines are:
  • parent of the opposite sex should stop being in the nude when the child is about 1 year of age
  • child should not see the same sex parent in the nude after about 4 years of age
  • child should ALWAYS innitiate conversation about their maturing body unless the topic has not been raised during the Middle School years, in which case the parents MUST innitiate the conversation before the child is immersed in High School
None of this means the child will be scared of nudity -- it's more likely that a child will be intimidated by nudity when exposed to adult nudity more often & it is also more likely that a child will be intimidated by nudity when the parent uses other overt or even covert methods to associate sex with shame: such as, saying "ew" at media images of scantily clad women, covering a child's eyes during sex scenes instead of simply choosing more appropriate programming, etc.
I too, was abused as a child, and also discussed how to address body issues and sexuality with the many therapists, counselors, psyciatrists, etc that I have seen over the years so that my children would be better prepared. None of them claimed what you have about seeing images of naked people or their parents. If anything, I was told that the more children know about their bodies, the more apt to protect it they are. If they are told to hide it, it creates a stigma. IMO, children have to learn so many rules, expectations, etc as they grow that clothing in the home(when there isn't company) isn't a battle thats top on the list.
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