or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › The Childhood Years › Daughters seeing Papa naked
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Daughters seeing Papa naked - Page 4

Poll Results: Is it okay for your toddler or older aged daughter to see her dad naked?

 
  • 2% (10)
    Not in our house. We are all private about nudity.
  • 9% (45)
    It's split by gender. Girls can see Mama, but not Pop.
  • 37% (172)
    It's not a big deal if it happens.
  • 50% (227)
    What's your hang up? We're all family here.
454 Total Votes  
post #61 of 173
The way I see it is like this:

Mommy has mommy parts, and they're different from my DS's... but that's ok. He's learning little differences between males and females...

Daddy has daddy parts, and they're the same as Ds's... and that's ok, too... because DS is learning all about being a boy.

Mommy parts, Daddy parts... they're all human parts in the end.
post #62 of 173
We are always naked in our house Some people's opinions on this thread seem a bit absurb to me. There is nothing wrong with children seeing people naked, it is completley natrual. I think you should be careful not to protect your own issues onto your child. Honestly, a one year old not being allowed to see the opposite sex parent naked? How to give a child issues.......
post #63 of 173
We live in a country where it is common to sauna with the whole family until the kids start to feel uncomfortable. (In some families that never happens.) I stopped going to the sauna with my dad when I was 9. I still saw my dad naked until I moved out but did not want him to see me. My own dd is just 8 months old so she will be bathing with her naked dad for quite a while.

In swimming halls the general guideline is that school-aged kids go to the dressing room of their own gender. That is because their opposite-sex class mates might be in the same dressing room. So kids under seven years of age are always allowed to dress with their opposite-sex parent or other company.

We are naked at the house even outside the sauna. It just isn't an issue here when there are only family mambers present. I don't see a connection between nudity and child abuse.
post #64 of 173
We all see each other naked, but it's not usually at home - it's usually at the beach! The most popular beach around here, for our friends and for us, is the clothing optional beach.

If she starts saying she doesn't want to go there when she gets older, then we won't take her anymore... but she would be missing out on playing at the beach with her friends, so I don't think that will happen. DD usually chooses to wear a bathing suit, but not always.

Around the house, DH isn't usually naked in front of DD, not on purpose anyway. DD hasn't really developed much modesty yet - she's fine with either one of us seeing her in the shower.
post #65 of 173
Dd is 3 1/2 and doesn't seem to even notice when DH is naked. So it's definately not a problem yet. We'll just wait until it seems like it's an issue, then DH will have to start covering up.
post #66 of 173
nope no big deal i remember rushing anyone who bathed in my house when i was little mom dad and 4 boys and 4 girls including me so i seen all have pics too i feel it dont matter as long as it is not in a sexual manor caught is one thing but there is nothing wrong with seeing another naked no matter the sex
post #67 of 173
DH doesn't let the girls see him anymore.
post #68 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by KnitLady
I think it's important to recognize that nudity is not sexual. It becomes sexual only in context.
Yes, exactly -- but when nudity is so commonly portrayed as sexualized & kids see this in brief images everywhere by the time they begin really thinking about their bodies, seeing the parents naked is associated with sexualized images & the stress is shown by increased heart rate, etc.... If it's a homeschooling family without TV, this probably isn't an issue whatsoever, but in most of America & other such nations, it is very real (as is the stigma & continued relative silence).
post #69 of 173
Papooses, I am sorry, but that is nonsense. A one year old baby can't see a nude opposite-sex parent?


I'd like to see some (REAL, UNBIASED) research supporting that. Because it has me
post #70 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThreeBeans View Post
Papooses, I am sorry, but that is nonsense. A one year old baby can't see a nude opposite-sex parent?


I'd like to see some (REAL, UNBIASED) research supporting that. Because it has me

:

Sorry, but you're just plain wrong.

-Angela
post #71 of 173
I think we need to be a little kinder here, Tiffany did preface what she said w/ she had experienced sexual abuse as a child. If you haven't been there, you have no idea what you would/wouldn't do IMO. I know Tiffany and maybe that's why I didn't read into it as deep as some others. I didn't read it as she was saying those who get naked in front of thier kids are wrong, she just offered up her thoughts and some ideas that she uses. I'm still naked in front of AJ and we're both fine w/ that right now. I totally see her point. I know AJ is only 3, but I have not instilled in him like I should that no one else should see him naked. I think that's where being comfortable w/ everyone being naked at home could confuse children in that it's NOT o.k. to be naked in front of others, strangers, etc. A good friend of mine's ds (same age as Evan) will not let anyone change his diaper but her and her DH for the most part b/c she has taught him that no one is to see his penis or touch him. That's great and I love that. My kids are 'free' children and love to be naked in front of everyone b/c it is normal at home. IMO, that's what Tiffany is talking about. I sexually assaulted as a teen by a boyfriend so my thoughts on these things don't fall into play till later in a child's life b/c that is the age that impacted me. I plan on doing things differently w/ my kids than my parents did in hopes of 1) it not happening to my children (especially dd since she is more at risk) and 2) if it does happen, they can tell me ASAP and not be scared of what will happen.
post #72 of 173
I don't have a problem with people having standards for their families. The "this is what *we* do" posts are fine.

This is what I had a problem with:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Papooses View Post
Seeing adults' genitalia can & does produce confusion + arousal in most children: this can be considered sexual abuse even when there is no other sexual activity -- because it disrupts the child's natural discovery of the human body & triggers anxiety over what their own body will become.... Some basic guidelines are:
  • parent of the opposite sex should stop being in the nude when the child is about 1 year of age
  • child should not see the same sex parent in the nude after about 4 years of age
  • child should ALWAYS innitiate conversation about their maturing body unless the topic has not been raised during the Middle School years, in which case the parents MUST innitiate the conversation before the child is immersed in High School
She says that "Seeing adults' genitalia can & does produce confusion + arousal in most children"

Then she goes on to set random rules about what others "should" do. (notice the repeated used of the word SHOULD)

THAT is where I have a problem. If that is how she wants to do things in *her* family, that is fine, but to suggest that others are sexually abusing their children because they *don't* have a problem with nudity is insulting at best.

-Angela
post #73 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_lissa View Post
It is no big deal here. I can't believe the issues some people have and are trying to place on "science."
No kidding.

Both my partner and I are naked around our kids quite often. That's lead to some good conversations about our bodies, but I think it's absolutely ridiculous -- and entirely offensive -- to suggest that our children will be harmed by our lack of modesty.
post #74 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by Papooses View Post
[/list]Seeing adults' genitalia can & does produce confusion + arousal in most children: this can be considered sexual abuse even when there is no other sexual activity -- because it disrupts the child's natural discovery of the human body & triggers anxiety over what their own body will become.... Some basic guidelines are:
  • parent of the opposite sex should stop being in the nude when the child is about 1 year of age
  • child should not see the same sex parent in the nude after about 4 years of age
  • child should ALWAYS innitiate conversation about their maturing body unless the topic has not been raised during the Middle School years, in which case the parents MUST innitiate the conversation before the child is immersed in High School
this is a recipe for disaster in a loving, caring home IMHO.

how on earth can a 1 yo be thought to be sexually aroused? or a 4 yo, simply by seeing his mom or her dad nude?

again, THIS is one of the fundamental problems w/ our society and why we as women have such a hard time NIP.
post #75 of 173
Saying a toddler will become aroused by a nude parent has SERIOUS implications, in that the speaker clearly does not understand the sexual process of self-discovery and understanding in a child.


To Tiffany, I am truly sorry you experience sexual abuse as a child. I have been there and if you want to PM me, please do. But I am deeply concerned about the perspective it has given you, which is extremely unhealthy and warped, and has placed sexual overtones on something quite innocent. This is not healthy....for you or your children!
post #76 of 173
I was kinda split between then. We are private about nudity, especially my husband, he does not like DD seeing him naked. i'm sure he won't be as concerned about DS, so its a bit of a girls see girls / boys see boys thing, but then again, its not a big deal if it does happen, we just try not to let it.
post #77 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by thepeach80 View Post
I think we need to be a little kinder here, Tiffany did preface what she said w/ she had experienced sexual abuse as a child. If you haven't been there, you have no idea what you would/wouldn't do IMO. I know Tiffany and maybe that's why I didn't read into it as deep as some others. I didn't read it as she was saying those who get naked in front of thier kids are wrong, she just offered up her thoughts and some ideas that she uses. I'm still naked in front of AJ and we're both fine w/ that right now. I totally see her point. I know AJ is only 3, but I have not instilled in him like I should that no one else should see him naked. I think that's where being comfortable w/ everyone being naked at home could confuse children in that it's NOT o.k. to be naked in front of others, strangers, etc. A good friend of mine's ds (same age as Evan) will not let anyone change his diaper but her and her DH for the most part b/c she has taught him that no one is to see his penis or touch him. That's great and I love that. My kids are 'free' children and love to be naked in front of everyone b/c it is normal at home. IMO, that's what Tiffany is talking about. I sexually assaulted as a teen by a boyfriend so my thoughts on these things don't fall into play till later in a child's life b/c that is the age that impacted me. I plan on doing things differently w/ my kids than my parents did in hopes of 1) it not happening to my children (especially dd since she is more at risk) and 2) if it does happen, they can tell me ASAP and not be scared of what will happen.
You honestly think a baby (still in diapers!!!) should feel uncomfortable having another caregiver change their diaper?!
Or a 3 yr. old shouldn't be naked in front of people?!

I changed my son from clothes-->trunks-->clothes outside by the pool all the time last summer, at 3.5. Until recently (3? 3.5?) he spent every second at home naked, including when guests were over. He'll happily play naked with his friends, now (which happened fairly recently when they decided to jump in a little garden pond at a friend's potluck). I feel proud that he is so comfortable with his body and not modest or self-conscious.
I don't think raising confident children who are comfortable with nudity leads to sexual abuse. My child is not AT ALL ashamed of his body and would not hesitate to tell me if anyone did anything to him (trust me, the kid was born a tattletale).
post #78 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by hammas View Post
We live in a country where it is common to sauna with the whole family until the kids start to feel uncomfortable. (In some families that never happens.) I stopped going to the sauna with my dad when I was 9. I still saw my dad naked until I moved out but did not want him to see me. My own dd is just 8 months old so she will be bathing with her naked dad for quite a while.

In swimming halls the general guideline is that school-aged kids go to the dressing room of their own gender. That is because their opposite-sex class mates might be in the same dressing room. So kids under seven years of age are always allowed to dress with their opposite-sex parent or other company.

We are naked at the house even outside the sauna. It just isn't an issue here when there are only family mambers present. I don't see a connection between nudity and child abuse.
I live in the U.S. but in a tiny area in which it is very common to sauna. I was SHOCKED the first time I stayed at a boyfriend's camp for a weekend only to discover that I would be invited to hang out NAKED with his family in the sauna Luckily, I got over it. It was great and I was hooked. I have asked my friends that grew up here when they outgrew naked coed family saunas. Most said the same as you, around 8-10 years, but some were comfortable with it until adulthood and still sauna with their families. I do not think any of them are scarred for life.
post #79 of 173
Thread Starter 
It's a complex issue, and I don't begrudge anyone trying to look at the dynamics of their own family and their own backgrounds in deciding what works within their home. There is no 'right' way to think here.

We're not just dealing from the perspective (or potential perspective) of the child here. Both parents - their backgrounds and perspectives - play into this equation. So, while I don't doubt that a child will be nonchalant about nudity if raised with it (the same way my dd is with my nudity), I have to factor in how I feel about things and how dh feels about things.

For me, my dad's modesty allowed me to feel safe in my relationship with him. It felt purely father/daughter, without even a suggestion or overtone of impropriety. Like others, I had friends whose dad's would expose their genitals without much thought. Sometimes it seemed innocent but - quite frankly - often it seemed creepy and exhibitionist. None of my friends liked that aspect of their father's behavior. They all wished that he would not do that, as they felt it injected an uncomfortable feeling into their relationship with their dad.

I didn't want that for dd. I wanted her daddy to be purely her daddy. I wanted her to feel safe and secure, and not to have to talk to her friends as a teen about what a 'creep' her dad could sometimes be, kwim? So when I saw dh casually walking across the room naked after a shower, I asked him to please put a towel on when dd was in the room. And after I explained how I felt, he was happy to oblige.
post #80 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by blessed View Post
We're not just dealing from the perspective (or potential perspective) of the child here. Both parents - their backgrounds and perspectives - play into this equation. So, while I don't doubt that a child will be nonchalant about nudity if raised with it (the same way my dd is with my nudity), I have to factor in how I feel about things and how dh feels about things.

For me, my dad's modesty allowed me to feel safe in my relationship with him. It felt purely father/daughter, without even a suggestion or overtone of impropriety.
This is a good point.

For me, my dad's openness allowed me to feel safe in my relationship with him. It felt open like there weren't areas we couldn't talk about with eachother, without any suggestion of taboo topics.

-Angela
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Childhood Years
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › The Childhood Years › Daughters seeing Papa naked