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Were YOU spanked as a child? - Page 3

Poll Results: Were YOU spanked as a child?

 
  • 20% (145)
    Yes, I was abused
  • 18% (131)
    Yes, I was spanked on a regular basis, but I wouldn't consider myself "abused."
  • 25% (181)
    Yes, I was spanked several times a year
  • 24% (172)
    Yes, I was spanked 1-4 times in my entire childhood
  • 8% (60)
    Nope, I was never spanked. :)
  • 2% (16)
    Other
705 Total Votes  
post #41 of 206
I was spanked once, that I remember (my brother was spanked a lot). It was with the hand. The ironic thing is, most kids get spanked for doing things they KNOW are wrong. I got spanked for doing something that I thought would make my parents really happy. I let my girlfriend cut my hair (I was around 6 yo). Well, she cut my bangs right up against my head, but I didn't know - I thought my mom would LOVE my new look! : I was all excited to go home and show her!

Imagine my shock when, instead of hugs and praise, I got my first spanking.

ETA: I have never laid a hand on any of my kids. My oldest is 19 and I never had even a moment of considering spanking or smacking her.
post #42 of 206
My parents never laid a hand on me. I was the youngest of four - I don't know about the others.
post #43 of 206
funny thing about selective memory- now my mom remembers that dad hit us and unreasonably- she was NEVER hit growing up, in a house of 15 kids I might add. But she did shake me slapped hands away from things- watching what she tried with babies she was swatting cruisers - so 6 mo or so.She broke a brush on me, and shook me until some doctor or some article she read about brain hemorrhage and shaking-from then on she never did it and she would warn new moms about the dangers but never admit she did do it- I think that it is something that she did to her younger siblings when parents were not near by and she probably has tons of guilt over that. In any case my dad will admit he hit-beat us and is to some degree proud of it- thinks that is why I am not mentally ill like my sister. Since one tolerated the other's actions and stood by co-abusers. Saving graces- when I was very little we lived with my grandparents who had a different way and I remember that loss of moving away from the sane people- in any case they gave me seeds of self-esteem , that they tended and nourished when I saw them.
post #44 of 206
My brothers and sisters (10 siblings total) were all spanked regularly with a belt and with peach-tree switches they had to cut themselves. That was my dad's way and, not to justify it but to put it in perspective, when Dad was a child (6 years old and up until he ran away at age 14), his father would take him out miles from home and leave him there to find his own way back as "discipline"; when he got back, he'd get a bruising spanking and then the incident would never be mentioned again. So I truly feel my dad thought he was disciplining in a much more correct fashion than he was punished .

I'm 11 years younger than my closest sibling. I remember 5 or 6 spankings total in my lifetime. My siblings all think I was spoiled, but only 2 of them have ever spanked their own children.

I don't spank and I won't hit and I'm not tempted to do so. My dh came from a non-spanking family and he DOES spank and is always tempted to go there first. So, IMO it's hard to make any correlation.
post #45 of 206
I was spanked rather regularly but as my father and mother did not know any differently (figuring they did the best they could under the circumstances) I never considered it abuse. If I were to do it, knowing everything I know now, I would consider it abuse. Does that make sense?
post #46 of 206
Paddington, that makes a lot of sense. I would say that I feel the same way, now that you've articulated it so well.
post #47 of 206
I distinctly remember the phrase, "take off your glasses". My mom would say it right before she would hit me b/c she didn't want to break my glasses. I also remember regularly being "swatted" (I guess that makes the "hitter" feel better) by my mom & grandparents.

I was a very "strong-willed" child, so the hitting became harder & not just on my bottom. I also distinctly remember being hit with a brush and a shoe (different "incidences"). I didn't consider it abuse at the time b/c I thought I had to be covered in bruises or have broken bones to be abused. I ABSOLUTELY consider myself abused now...

I guess what sinched it for me not to hit my kids is that I cannot remember AT ALL what I did to "deserve" any of the "punishments".

I cried the one time I slapped my DS's leg. I felt aweful. It's when I knew that just not wanting to hit wasn't enough ~ I needed to learn more about how to discipline. Now, I'm working on not yelling... I think it is VERY difficult to implement GD with my kids b/c of my background. I am "reinventing the wheel" in some respects ~ especially since I didn't start at the beginning. KWIM????
post #48 of 206
I was abused. Verbally, physically. My mom would hit me wherever she could reach.
post #49 of 206
I was spanked more than 4 times in my life, but I wasn't spanked several times a year so I couldn't really choose either of those options. I voted "other". I do remember being around 5 or 6 and getting a spanking with a wooden spoon, my mom's hand, my mom's friend's hand, and a belt once. It was awful. It's not something I have ever really forgotten. That feeling of "Why is my mommy doing this/allowing someone to do this?" sticks with a person.

It lessened up a lot as a I got older, but she did slap me once when I was around 12 or 13. She was stressed and I was being mouthy, but it still wasn't appropriate. I told her that her hitting me was wrong and if she ever did it again I would be forced to defend myself. It was a tense moment for sure.

She ended up apologizing for that slap pretty quickly, and then later for all the spanking that she'd done. She just didn't know what else to do. She was single, sick, poor, stressed, and often at the end of her rope in more ways than one. Plus, she'd been raised with pretty strict corporal punishment in a time that saw that sort of thing as totally normal. (The 50's and 60's) Those are definitely not excuses, but they are factors that I believe allowed spanking to happen.

I had my son when I was 15 and Dd when I was 17, and she was such a patient, gentle Grandma to them. :
post #50 of 206
I chose "other" because I really didn't know how to answer. I vaguely remember being hit with belts and other objects as well as thrown, dunked under water in the bathtub, knocked against the wall, etc. when I was very young (like, 3 or 4). My mom was a young mother and had MAJOR anger management issues which she has improved immensely over the years. So I would say that I was abused in very early childhood. After my parents' divorce when i was 4 I remember a few less-harsh spankings, and they stopped all together by the time I was 6 or 7. My step-dad did on occasion slap my face when I was "giving him lip", the last time was when I was about 19 or 20! In retrospect I should have told him I was an adult and that he was assaulting me, but I didn't think to do that at the time.
post #51 of 206
I was spanked as a child a few times a year and slapped across the face as a teenager about three or four times. I don't consider the physical discipline my parents used to have been abuse but I also don't condone it or think that it was at all effective.
post #52 of 206
I only remember being spanked once in my life. I remember crying because I knew you were supposed to cry when you get spanked, but it didn't hurt. I do believe though that I was mentally abused by my father
post #53 of 206
Never spanked, by either parent.
post #54 of 206
Quote:
Originally Posted by rootzdawta View Post
but I do struggle (and succumb more often than I would like) with the urge to smack my toddler's hand away from things--cat litter, stove, fireplace tools, etc . . .,
We have 4 cats and we've let Ds help us scoop litter since he first started walking. It took a lot of supervising at first but now he just grabs a scoop and goes to work right beside me. We make sure to wash our hands when we're done.

I taught Ds to not touch hot things by letting him touch the outside of a steaming cup of coffee. It wasn't hot enough to hurt him, but it made the point. As for showing him the stove is hot, I opened the door and crouched down with him on my lap so he could feel the heat. I held him tightly enough that he couldn't have fallen into the open door no matter what. Those lessons worked well for him. He's still careful around anything I tell him is hot.

We're very "libral" (for lack of a better word) with letting Toe touch anything he wants. The only exceptions are for very sharp objects. When he grabs something sharp enough to hurt him, Dh or I will hold the object while getting on his level and telling him, gently but firmly, that we need to have the item. He's not always happy about it and sometimes it takes a couple of minutes, but he always gives it up. He's also good about trading for something else novel but not as dangerous. Sometimes he'll grab an object that can't hurt him, but he can hurt something or someone else with it. For example, sometimes he'll try to hit the tv screen with the rolling pin. When he does that I steer him to the recliner and tell him he can hit it with the rolling pin as hard as he wants. It took about 3 months of really consistently redirecting him from trying to hit the tv but it (FINALLY!) sunk in Now all he does is tries to drive his little matchbox cars on the screen

HTH,
~Nay, as usual
post #55 of 206
Quote:
Originally Posted by nonconformnmom View Post
I was spanked once, that I remember (my brother was spanked a lot). It was with the hand. The ironic thing is, most kids get spanked for doing things they KNOW are wrong. I got spanked for doing something that I thought would make my parents really happy. I let my girlfriend cut my hair (I was around 6 yo). Well, she cut my bangs right up against my head, but I didn't know - I thought my mom would LOVE my new look! : I was all excited to go home and show her!

Imagine my shock when, instead of hugs and praise, I got my first spanking.
Oh, that is so sad! Here are some for the little girl in you. Hey, I'm being totally sarcastic here, but did your mom realize your bangs would grow back out even without hitting you? I disagree with all spankings, but over hair? Come on

~Nay
post #56 of 206
i was NEVER spanked! and i think i turned out ok! that is why i will not spank when i have kids!
post #57 of 206
I was spanked, but do not consider it abuse. I was mentally/emotionally abused, though I have a hard time not hitting my 2 year old, I think it is a combination of my past, my DH arguing with me that "he was spanked and he was okay" and "your just saying that because of working in daycare" and I want to prove to him that gentle disipline will work and I get frustrated when it doesnt I think if he would give it a trial run with me (i.e. Kamille get the same type of responces from me and him) mayb he'd see that it does work, but he wont. He even tells me to "SHUT UP" when I make suggestions to him (i.e. Kamille wants to play with daddy too, is there anywhy you can include her?) It is very frustrating and I put myself under too much stress to raise my kids the way I want to. I usually am able to stop myself and hit the floor or (more often) myself, but I doubt it does any good. I try to explain to dd that mommy was upset, but mommy should not act like that, afterwards. Mt little brother has never been spanked.
post #58 of 206
Quote:
Originally Posted by libranbutterfly View Post
I was spanked, but do not consider it abuse. I was mentally/emotionally abused, though I have a hard time not hitting my 2 year old, I think it is a combination of my past, my DH arguing with me that "he was spanked and he was okay" and "your just saying that because of working in daycare" and I want to prove to him that gentle disipline will work and I get frustrated when it doesnt I think if he would give it a trial run with me (i.e. Kamille get the same type of responces from me and him) mayb he'd see that it does work, but he wont. He even tells me to "SHUT UP" when I make suggestions to him (i.e. Kamille wants to play with daddy too, is there anywhy you can include her?) It is very frustrating and I put myself under too much stress to raise my kids the way I want to. I usually am able to stop myself and hit the floor or (more often) myself, but I doubt it does any good. I try to explain to dd that mommy was upset, but mommy should not act like that, afterwards. Mt little brother has never been spanked.
Your husband tells you to "shut up"? : Okay, that got my panties in a wad.

Gentle discipline does work. It might not be as instantaneous as scaring a child with pain, threat of pain, or an angry screaming face but it does work and best of all, it keeps the child-parent bond strong. My son is 29 months old. He's never once been spanked, hands slapped, time-outed, etc. and EVERYONE who meets him is genuinely surprised at what a sweet, sensitive, giving child he is. Your husband's attitude sounds like a major problem. If he can't even take the time to have positive moments with your child, then how does he expect any discipline to work?

Have you been to Personal Growth yet? The people who hang out in there can help you with links for hitting yourself. I know how you feel, I'm working out anger issues of my own. In fact, the thread I started "Biting Again" might have some good links for you.


~Nay
post #59 of 206
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roxswood View Post
I was spanked fairly often as a child. I don't consider it to have been abuse, but I do consider it to have been insensitive and ineffective parenting. I wasn't a naughty child, I never needed spanking and would have always made a much bigger effort to behave if my Mum had just talked to me about why we didn't do something than the times she spanked me. That just made me feel unhappy and bullied and I wanted to do mean things afterwards.

That's how I feel about it too. I don't know exactly how much my mom spanked me, but it was more than the few occasions I do remember. I remember my mom chasing me around the kitchen table, trying to catch me so she could spank me. I remember big red hand prints on my arm where she hit me. Spanking was not effective at all. It just made me angry and afraid of my mother. I am still not close with her today.
post #60 of 206
I was abused as a child. To this day, my parents believe they did what was right for us and was the one and only possible way to discipline. However, with an unmedicated bipolar mother and a father with a complete lack of anger management, discipling always equals beatings, in addition to groundings, taking away of privileges, etc, for a single transgression. I was beaten with a wooden paddle, wooden spoon, hands, leather belt, and plastic coathangers. I have had deep bruises, bloody welts, splt lips, bloody noses, boxed ears, etc. My parents didn't think it was abuse unless it was uncalled for (i.e. the child did nothing wrong) or left permanent scars, such as broken bones.

Unfortunately, the emotional scars still haven't healed. I still cry when I talk about how I felt as my dad sat on my chest, screaming at me to shut up and backhanding me across the face when I was fifteen. I don't even remember what I did wrong that time. It couldn't have been anything too bad. It was probably "backtalk," which my dad considered to be any words that disagreed with anything he or my mom said. We weren't allowed to have a different opinion or we were talking back. I was a good kid - I didn't drink, smoke, do drugs, stay out late, have sex, skip school. I got good grades, went to church even though nobody else in my family did, and was involved in lots of extracurriculars. Of course, if you ask my mom, I was an out of control teen who slept around (lost my virginity at 18 to my future husband thankyouverymuchmom) and was just horrible. In her mind, I was out of control because I was out of HER control. At about 15, I stopped letting her know everything about my life just because she asked and she decided that I must be hiding horrible things.

I still fight my anger issues. When I get really frustrated I feel out of control and I tend to freak out. I scream, cry, and throw things. I've even hit my STBX. I have NEVER hit DS. I have stopped myself more than once from smacking his hand. I'm sure I'll be tempted to do more than that as he grows, but I hope I will be able to fight that and not hit him. My brother as well has always had anger issues, from a very young age, though his wife has helped temper that a lot, as well as being out of the house. My little sister was always the spoiled baby and got the least of the abuse, and has the fewest issues with anger.

I do have a good relationship with my dad, despite our past. He's a LOT better with his anger, especially since my brother and sister and I were out of the house. I've only seen him get really angry once in the past five years (for good reason that time!). My mother and I will never have a good relationship as long as she refuses to confront and seek help for her mental illness.

Every time I talk about this it turns into a novel, so I'll shut up now.
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