I cant beleive this!!!

[Raven]

When my best friend fell pregnant I was really happy for her. I gave her books on gentle birth and shared my experiences with her. She is really tiny (and i mean REALLY tiny) and felt safer having her baby at hospital but was glad that she knew her rights as a birthing woman and wanted to try a water birth at teh hospital.

I could be wrong but i think she was induced (about a week before her due date. ) She laboured at the hospital and although she was in a lot of pain, wanted to go as long as possible without drugs.

After I dont know how long, her ob (female) approached her and said her baby was in distress and she needed to give her an emergency c-section. Now my Friend told me aftereards that she was really scared at the time but she told the dr that she didnt feel any different and the monitor hadnt churned out anything different. The dr let her labour some more but gave her an epidural.

In the end Nicole viginally birthed her 2.7kg baby boy!!!

This is not the end though...

About six months after the birth, my friends mother approached her and told her that she needed to talk. She told Nicole that the dr wanted to perform a c-section not because the baby was in distress, but because Nicole was unmarried and not involved with the father and they wanted to 'keep her tight down there'....

I mean... what the hell????

i was so angry that this happened! The woman dr lied to my friend and put her in a position where she would fear for the life of her son unecessarily - and all in the name of a tight vagina?! What a b#@%* !!!!

[frogertgrl]

That is awful!

Reminds me of Kelly Ripa. She's only had c-sections, never birthed vaginallly. When Jeff Gordon (the race car driver) subbed for Regis, Kelly talked about her c secs. She said that she's only had c secs and pointed down toward her crotch and assured everyone, 'yeah, so everything is good down there.' And she grinned wide.

It was disgusting.

[Raven]

All I can say is I have had no complaints from dh!!!

***

I read an article in a local, commercial parenting magazine about elective ceasers. They made them out to be so wonderful and easy! There was no talk of what the baby would go through, the effects of the drugs on the baby or the psycological (sp?) downfalls...
And to make things worse, they totally misquoted Shiel Kitzsinger!!!!

Its so sad...

[frogertgrl]

Yeah, it's the way to go, say the docs. Bleh. I guess if they told the truth and said something like, 'there is a six times greater chance you will die if we do this', maybe there would be less of a cult following.

Poor babies. Sick stuff.

I always hate to hear that Sheila is misquoted. She rocks.

Good for your friend to have the courage to stand up to the white coat with the knife, reading to cut. Her baby is thanking her, I'm certain!

[Beth-TX]

Reminds me of Kelly Ripa. She's only had c-sections, never birthed.

I'm sure you meant to say that she never gave birth *vaginally.* That statement could be hurtful to someone who had given birth via c-section.

with respect and peace, Beth

[frogertgrl]

yep, meant 'vaginally'.

[Jane]

In reading "The American Way of Birth," the author states that there are/were ads in Brazil advertising c-sections. "Keep your vagina honeymoon fresh." Apparently 95%+ of upper class women get c's. It's de riguer. (Copyright date in the 80s, I hope things are different now).

Now on to this doctor...Is she saying from personal experience that a man would stop dating an otherwise lovely woman if her vagina was looser than he expected/desired?
Or is she just projecting her mysogynism onto the men of the world?

[georgia]

Apricot,

Nope, things in Brazil are still the same. Approx. 90-95% of certain "class" women elect for surgical birth. Scary as all get out. I read about it in the Wall Street Journal....very disturbing to know an entire generation of babies are being born and mothers starting the mother/baby relationship like this on purpose! Ina May Gaskin was talking about her Brazilian daughter-in-law who recently gave birth (naturally!) and how the d-i-l felt she had something to prove for her country

I wonder if the mother was projecting her feelings or if it was really spoken by the dr. Even if it was only implied, I certainly would confront the dr. and perhaps file a grievance with the licensing board!!!

Amy

[JesseMomme]

I'm curious as to how the mother (or gma) knew that was what the Dr. really had in mind?}

And ewwww over Kelly Ripa. I have a newfound disgust for her now.

[Peppamint]

UGH!

[2much2luv]

sick!

[BusyMommy]

So, Kelly Ripa doesn't just look like an idiot. Wow. What a thing to be "bragging of" on national TV. She tries way too hard to be cutesy.

for your friend. That's incredibly invasive and misogynistic. (sp?)

[CeraMae]

And what about those horrible doctors that sew women up "tighter?" I know of one who lost his license.

Friend of mine had a vag delivery and the dr asked her husband, RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER, "How tight do you want her?"

I would have jumped right out of that bed and

[2much2luv]

Friend of mine had a vag delivery and the dr asked her husband, RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER, "How tight do you want her?"

Seriously, just hearing this about someone else makes me want blood; if that was ever said around me I honestly don't know what I would do. I would just want to put that man out of his misery. (I am usually a very peacful non-violent person, this just makes me so sick I would want to rip his throat out!) Grrrrrrrr. ... where do they get off and what are they thinking!!! Sick Sick Sick!!!

[Sustainer]

Originally posted by CeraMae
Friend of mine had a vag delivery and the dr asked her husband, RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER, "How tight do you want her?"

Oh.... my.... god.



We need to widely publicize both of these stories. Every woman should know what kind of OB she might get if she opts for a hospital birth. All the more reason for women to trust midwives with their births instead of having to trust OBSTETRICIANS WHO SHOULD HAVE ALL THEIR FINGERS BROKEN!!! (I, too, am a pacifist.)

[mahdokht]

*

[starfairy]

UGH! Disgusting!!!!

You know, when I was a young girl I had lots of "female problems" & had many a Dr comment on how "tight" I was - met dh after i had a child, he was very satisfied with the fit & now after our fourth child he insists that I get tighter after every baby! I only had an epesiotimy after the first - the other 3 were unassisted! I guess 'yeah, so everything is good down there.' with me,too...i didnt need a c-section to keep it that way
: what a loser! And what a horrible Dr!!!!

[myrrhmaid]

Thats disgusting!!!What a disgrace!! It's not only sad, it's sad it doesn't surprise me! I have heard these 'husband knot' stories for years & always wondered why folks are so oblivious to knowing how a vagina works in the 1st place. Anyone who has done kegels knows that a vagina is not tight on it's own. It has a relaxation pattern of fullness & a contracted pattern of tightness, which has minimal correlation with the outer vaginal opening. My vagina did change after the emergence of my child. It became more fully orgasmic & I can orgasm from a deeper place in me that I wasn't aware of before. It also changed the pleasures of my cervix, making it an added interesting element of pleasure to our lovemaking. My feeling is that to the extent I was stretched to give birth with the same intensity I have sprung back like any properly functioning muscle. A c-section does not insure you won't have slack vaginal muscles, what you do with those muscles does.

[Raven]

This is all very disturbing!

It just made me feel angry because my friends ob didnt find it necessary to ask her - the birthing woman - but rather her mother??? Granted, my friend was only 18, but this was a private hospital and all throughout her pregnancy she was assured by her dr that she would be in good hands. She was not given the impression that her body would be treated like a piece of meat - quite the opposite!

As for asking the dh 'how tight' he wants his wife - that is DISGUSTING beyond comprehension! Whose body is it? Its very sad indeed!

[Viola]

Originally posted by CeraMae
And what about those horrible doctors that sew women up "tighter?" I know of one who lost his license.

I had some vaginal tearing, I guess that is a first degree tear, right? Afterwards it seemed like there was a ring of scar tissue that made things tighter than before, and I wasn't happy with that. Sex was painful for awhile. I finally am feeling normal again down there again. Someone suggested to me that the doctor did it on purpose, and that really made me mad. I personally don't believe the doctor did it on purpose, but the way my friend, who was my doula said it, like "Yeah, that's what they do for the husband" really upset me. Anyway, are women really looser down there after a vaginal birth anyway? My sister has had 6 children and says she has really strong muscles and has actually gotten compliments about her tightness.