How to handle family friend?

[bec]

We are planning an HBAC this coming December. I am very excited about it. Nearly everyone that I have talked to has been excited about it too. Including my mother (incredibly supportive). She was telling her best friend (never married, no kids) about it, who near about had a coronary over the idea. Her friend has another friend who is an OB nurse (never married, no kids) who told her it was incredibly dangerous.

My mother, bless her heart, tolder her friend that she thought this was the best thing in the world and totally supported my decision. Her friend has not talked to me about it, yet. Now, ordinarily, I wouldn't be bothered by this. I would shrug it off as ignorance and move on with my life. But she is a very close family friend, and I believe her reaction to truly be based out of fear and concern for my well being. Her mind is also not entirely closed on most subjects, even though she is very opinionated.

So, I feel like I would like to try to educate her on the subject. I can tell her my own reasons, and have a few resources to point her towards, like the article on Maternal Mortality in this issue's Mothering ! But I would like to have a few other places to point her as well, so she can do her own research and come to a conclusion herself based out of information, not fear.

Any suggestions?


Bec

[georgia]

Congrats on a life-changing decision!!!!!

Have you checked this site for a start?

http://www.gentlebirth.org/ronnie/homesafe.html

Great resource above. The research on the huge risks to babies born in hospitals is especially compelling for those who might feel mother is somehow endangering (HA!) her baby.

If the family friend is into reading: Immaculate Deception II, Suzanne Arms, Birth as an American Rite of Passage, Robbie Davis Floyd, Obstetric Myths vs. Research Realities, Henci Goer. There are also some wonderful videos--off top of my head: Birth, Choices and Challenges (very, very pro-HB!) Also, "Born in the USA" which was shown on PBS makes you want to throw up at the hideous interventions and cultural warping of birth here in the US.

+++++I understand that you're concerned for us, and I know it's because you care so deeply about our well-being. We are touched by all the fabulous and loving support we've gotten so far!

It can be so disconcerting when you hear someone you love is doing something you aren't familiar with! If it helps you any, we've thoroughly researched our decision to give birth in the safety and comfort of our home... ..did you know research shows that homebirth is as safe and in many cases safer than hospital birth in women who have already had a baby?! If you'd be interested, I have a lot of the research so that you can understand for yourself why we are thrilled with our decision.....+++++++

[Raven]

First of all - congratulations on your pregnancy!

When I was pg with dd I was moved to have a homebirth. A lot of family members were worried and concerned for various reasons. It made me sad in a way but I also realised that they had little knowledge of homebirthing and water birthing (which is what i was planning on), so i wrote a LONG, detailed letter using books and websites as backups.

The letter had stats, personal stories, facts and so on as well as my own personal feelings and views on the subject. This went down really well and everyone was supportive of my choice after that. They just needed to know that my choice was rooted in something solid.

Dont let it get you down too much! You are making a choice with the best interest of your health and baby in mind! Good luck...

[LizD]

However you handle it, clear the air. You need only supportive, positive thoughts directed at you, whether you hear them or not. Jeannine Parvati Baker tells a story of addressing the local congregation once she realized they were talking about her decision to plan an UC. She explains how she told them just that it was important to her family, carefully considered, and that she really needed their thoughts and prayers.

Apologies for any errors in the paraphrasing. Her site is at freestone.org.

[velveeta]

Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin has some excellent resources/statistic that strongly support the safety (and better outcomes) of HB. Although the language of that book is a bit off-putting (can be a little coarse/vulgar at times). Maybe her new book -- I think it is called Ina May's Complete Guide to Childbirth.

Good luck with the friend, I hope she is ready to open her mind to HB. For me, it is one of the most beautiful experiences of this life!


Jean