PPD relapse?

[wwisdomskr]

Is it possible to have a ppd relapse? I struggled with ppd with both of my babies. First baby I was too scared to get help and suffered through it alone...I have a lot of experience in my life just surviving by sheer grit. I finally got some help when dd1 was 18 months because my seminary required all students to be in therapy.

With my second, I honestly thought I escaped it...had a beautiful homebirth and great postpartum care... Then, it crept up on me between my 3rd and 5th weeks postpartum. I tried to just get extra rest, etc, but soon felt like I was losing control...feeling suicidal and like I was walking around with a heavy, wet blanket around my head. My midwife encouraged me to try a low dose of zoloft and it really helped. I was on it for about 6 months and then weaned myself off slowly.

Anyway, dd2 will be 14 months on Friday. For the past week I've been in a bad space. I'm involved in a huge project that has taken over my entire life...I'm totally isolated from all of my friends who are not also involved in it. I wanted to reconnect over the winter holidays, but the whole family suffered 2 rounds of the stomach flu and then dd2 had a bad cold and an ear infection. : :

I'm exhausted and feel like I can't connect with anyone. I'm craving and binging on tons of junk. I have no energy to do anything. Feeling totally overwhelmed, hopeless and trapped. Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car" song came on the radio and took my breath away..."leave tonight or live and die this way." I'm so overwhelmed with the work that needs to be done, with this huge responsibility, with the possibility of really letting people down...with caring for my 2 dd's alone while dh is out of state 4 days a week... I'm running on fumes and don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

My therapist has been out of town for 2 weeks and I have an appointment with her on Friday. But, I'm always so much more put together in her office than outside of it... Does that make sense?

I've been trying to make things easier for myself...hired a housekeeper to come once a week. But, the house is a total wreck...so, now I have to spend a few hours tonight picking up so that she can clean!! Dd2 just runs around pulling things off of shelves and out of drawers/baskets, etc... Dd1 just doesn't pick up after herself and I'm not a very good example for her right now.

I'm just not sure what to do. I'm wondering if this is PPD again...or if it's just situational depression. I don't want to go on zoloft again if I can avoid it. I gained a lot of weight that I still haven't lost...

I might try going to the acupuncturist... More money...sigh... I'm just worried about sliding further downhill. My sobriety is also at risk. I've been sober for almost 12 years...but, have been thinking a lot about drinking lately...

I'm a mess, and I'm so alone.

[Molliejo]

i can't post more, but i couldn't leave w/out posting anything.

[kaydee]

Women who experienced PPD in one pregnancy are at increased risk of experiencing it in subsequent pregnancies. So, it's more than possible, it is probable.

That said, the second (or more) episodes are just as treatable as the first.

I know antidepressants can be a drag (I've struggled with them too) but if it helped before, it will likely do so again. You can always lose that weight; you cannot regain the time that depression steals from us.

Are there any PPD resources in your area (support groups)? You might want to contact Postpartum Support International (http://www.postpartum.net/) and see if they know of any groups or practitioners in your area who can help you *now*.

It will pass. And you are not alone. I know it doesn't feel that way though. :

[TiAmosJewell]

:
kaydee said it well. The weight can come off but the time you lose in that "cloud" will be gone forever. Talk to your therapist and tell her/him everything you said here and what ever else is bugging you. It might even be helpful if you print off your post here to show her/him.

I've been on celexa for a long time and today is my first day on zoloft, I'm nervous about it but if it gets me out of this funk it's well worth it. I deserve to feel better, my baby deserves a happy mother and my hubby deserves a happy wife.

[wwisdomskr]

Thank you. I can't post now, but I'll update after my appointment.

[mama_Agnieszka]

oh, I know how you feel!

I had really severe PPD after my first dd, who is now 2, and then with my second, currently 8 months old, I escaped the worst... but then, now, that she is 8 months and super demanding, completely in-arms kind of baby, I am feeling totally burnt out! I am still on antidepressants to help avoid this, but here it is! I feel totally bummed out about HAVING to care for this frustrating baby - seems like nothing I do is helpful and I have run out of ideas. I feel like a zombie!!! And you don't have help with your husband out of town - you are STRONG! How old are your babies?? I also wonder if the depression is ppd or situational... my suspicion is that it's a mix of both for me. I need time away, essentially, and feel guilty about this, of course. Are you able to get more help with the babies so you can try to get the other things looked after? I am trying to get more help for with the girls, because I find that when I start running on fumes, I cannot come up with solutions, or make healthy decisions for myself or them... Essentially, I am "no good" for anybody.

Anyway, sorry if this is all rambly... I can imagine how you feel and wanted to tell you this so you don't feel alone.

Agnieszka