Dh "doesn't want to hear it anymore"

[Shelsi]

So we had ds circ'd when he was born. I didn't research it I left it up to dh who did no research either. His answer is that he is and he doesn't remember the pain so why not? I'd never even seen an intact penis so it seemed normal to me. In fact the thing that kept coming to my mind was how 2 of my friends would talk about how gross intact men were and they wouldn't sleep with them. I didn't want that happening to my son!

So of course later once I research it after the fact I regret what we did. I feel very strongly about it and it's the biggest regret I have. I've tried to educate dh about it. He really just doesn't want to listen. I remember having this big lightbulb moment when I realized it wasn't MY issue that we always need lube which I hate and makes me not want to do anything. I was really excited about that revelation and told dh about it. I had been so stressed about it before I wasn't even able to enjoy things.

I make little comments here and there on why being intact is better. I've told him "over my dead body" will any more sons be circ'd and he agrees only because he knows he can't win the argument.

Ds has a lot of yeast infections. I made the comment the other day that I wonder if he'd have all these if we left him intact and if he did I wonder if we'd be getting advice from docs to have him circ'd now. Dh finally just turned to me and said, "You know, I don't know and I don't care. Can we just not talk about it ever again?" I told him, "No! I am going to talk about it! It's the single worst thing I've ever done to another human being and I did it, WE did it, to our own son!" To which dh had nothing to say and just changed the subject :

I realize he may be having some feelings of inferiority or something because of the way I talk. And quite frankly, yes, I would love to know how it feels to be with an intact man but I certainly don't plan on that ever happening. I've asked him why he won't just talk about it or think about it and he just says that what's done is done, what's the point in getting angry about it?

I hate that I can't get through to him. I hate that I know if it weren't for me, even with the info I've given him, he would circ more sons. Anyone else like this? Do I just give up on him? I secretly really hope this baby is a boy just so I can leave him intact.

[KMK_Mama]

I'm sorry.

That must be hard. Our son is intact, but I know my DH gets sick of me talking about how horrible circ is, but he does agree with me.

Since he has already agreed to not circ any more boys, I would just let it go for now. Maybe he has some healing from his own circ to deal with and just doesn't want to talk about it anymore.

Maybe he is having issues with inferiority and regrets circ'ing your son and just doesn't want to admit it?

Maybe bring up Foreskin restoration sometime in the future....it might heal some of that when he gets over the issues he has now.

[My_Three_Sons]

I wonder if perhaps your dh doesn't want to confront the issue head-on b/c he's feeling like he may regret what's been done to your ds as well? Meaning, maybe it's easier for him to just not deal with it, than to deal with it and experience feelings of regret like you obviously have. Some people will never admit they've made the wrong choice, even when confronted with evidence proving otherwise, kwim?

I also think, as you've mentioned, that perhaps he's feeling inferior b/c he is circ'd, and you're discovering new things about the intact penis which he will never be able to provide you with.

WTG to not circ any future sons, even if your dh doesn't agree!

[Cheshire]

I bet he is just dealing with the same feelings in a different way than you are when it comes to circ'ing your son.

As far as his circ goes, put yourself in his shoes. What if something like that had been done to you as a baby and now all of a sudden your husband is telling you how much better things would be if it hadn't been done - something you didn't choose for yourself or control now. I'm sure he feels like you think he is inadequate (sp?) or that he can't ever give you something you would like to experience. A lot of circ'd men don't like to talk about what might have been.

It's great that he's agreed not to circ any future sons. As far as talking to him about it just drop the subject. The important thing is that you won't do it again.

If he brings it up later you might mention restoration to him, but if not don't rub his face in it. I know that's not what you mean to do and you're fascinated by all of the new things you're learning but honestly, if it is hurting his feelings (and by his reaction and that he isn't sharing your enthusiasm I think his feelings are a little hurt) I would just find someone else to talk to about it.

I know that my dh deals with disappointment and regret very differently than I do.

You've won the battle, focus on that fact and respect his request to not talk about it anymore.

[twin monkeys]

DH gets sick of my rants and he is intact so it could just be a guy thing not wanting to hear about others penis KWIM as far as the yeasti infections are you using cloth or sposies? If cloth have you stripped your diaps ? also you may want to look at adding some yougart to your ds diet to help clear it

[Shelsi]

Thanks for all the replies.

As for the yeast it's the weirdest thing. We use fuzzi bunz. They've been stripped a billion times, I've done ALL the tricks for getting rid of yeast, and ds eats yogurt daily. He's totally fine during the day even if he's in an FB for 5-6 hours because we're out and about. However put him in one at night and after 3-4 hours he's crying telling me his penis hurts. Sure enough it's a YI : We finally just gave up and he wears sposies at night which I hate and I can't stand the smell of now that I am prego. Oh well at least it's only one sposie a day I guess.

[Amber Lion]

Dh also doesn't like me going on and on or going into any sort of detail about circ because of what it brings up about his own circ. I don't think he wants to get mad at his parents for it, I don't think he wants to feel that kind of pain, and to go any further would mean those things. He's acknowledged he thinks circ is a horrible thing and would never do it to his own child. He has even watched a circ video. So I don't push him any further. He's got a really loose circ and I think could easily restore - but I don't push for that either. I have mentioned it in passing as a "hey, did you know this was possible?" but he didn't show any interest.

I've just got to be satisfied that our boys will remain intact and that he is vocally anti-circ when asked. The rest is his process and I can't force him through it. Maybe you just need to give your dh sometime to go through his own process?

[hunnybumm]

Ditto what others have said. He may feel like you are rubbing his nose in the fact that he will never be intact, and what was taken away from him. I would post on here or find someone else to talk about it with.

DH hasn't seen the light yet. We have only discussed circ twice without having a huge full blown argument. Once was when I mentioned that Playboy was anti circ. The other was when he brought up the AIDS/STDs arguments and I debunked all of them, it was oddly civial.

[dynamohumm6]

Originally Posted by Shelsi

Thanks for all the replies.

As for the yeast it's the weirdest thing. We use fuzzi bunz. They've been stripped a billion times, I've done ALL the tricks for getting rid of yeast, and ds eats yogurt daily. He's totally fine during the day even if he's in an FB for 5-6 hours because we're out and about. However put him in one at night and after 3-4 hours he's crying telling me his penis hurts. Sure enough it's a YI : We finally just gave up and he wears sposies at night which I hate and I can't stand the smell of now that I am prego. Oh well at least it's only one sposie a day I guess.

Just an aside, I use sposies for my babysitter and I found a brand that has NO perfumes or gel balls...they're called Cottontails. I don't know if they have them were you are, but I love them. I hate hate hate the smell of the perfumes they put in most sposies, and i hate the gel balls even more, but these are awesome.