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“Everyday Blessings” Part VI ~ Book Discussion & Tea Party

post #1 of 330
Thread Starter 
On Sunday we'll be ready to discuss, "Resonances" from Part VI of “Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting” by Myla and Jon Kabat Zinn. At least I hope you'll be ready.

For anyone that wants to join us or wondering how this works: We discuss one chapter a week and move ahead on Sundays. We try to be non-judgemental and don’t always stay on topic! Whatever happens it is usually interesting and the book and mamas here have been a HUGE inspiration in my life! Thanks, mamas! But really my biggest source of inspiration has come from my 17 month old son and husband of 7 ½ years. Here are the chapters of Part VI:

“Part VI ~ Resonances, Attunement, and Presence”
Resonances p. 187
Attunement p. 191
Touching p. 195
Toddlers p. 198
Time p. 201
Presence p. 204
Jack and the Beanstalk p. 206
Bedtime p. 208
Gathas and Blessings p. 211

May the mindfulness quest and party continue!!! CLINK
post #2 of 330
Thread Starter 
P.S. If anyone out there wants to join us, you are more than welcome to. We are really just getting warmed up! There are still months of chapters left to discuss.

post #3 of 330
New thread dance
post #4 of 330
Just wanted to chime in on the intimacy issue related to co-sleeping. According to studies done by James McKenna (not sure about the last name) from Notre Dame, they did see an increase in sexual activity (I think that the metric was the number of sexual partners) by boys that co-slept with their parents, but didn't see one for girls. I was more perplexed than worried, but decided that maybe this increased sexual activity stems from both comfort with physical touch as well as being a more desirable partner (given all the empathy, self-confidence, etc that come from co-sleeping and having those needs met). It's not clear whether these sexual encounters were within in the context of emotional relationships or not.

Anyways, I can't wait to meet Finn's future lovers (as long as there aren't a ton of them) and think how lucky they are going to be to find such a sweet and sensitive mate (how's that for a brag)

post #5 of 330
Thread Starter 

"Resonances" pages 187-190

Hi ya, mamas! I hope you are well! Thanks, Angie and Cheryl for your thoughtful posts. And thanks, Analisa for the new thread dance. I am ready to roll on "Resonances" and really looking forward to another week with you all here at MDC.

So did anyone besides me find time to read this chapter? I have been running around like mad and actually sat down for about five minutes this afternoon (locked myself in the bedroom) and read the chapter. It was very relaxing and made me do some thinking about the "resonances" around our house between dh, ds, and I. It is always nice to be reminded that there is always more to our behaviors than meets the eye. I can see how my stress level or excitement level can effect ds and dh. I can especially see how my stress can effect ds when I am trying to get him to bed at night! He wont settle down until my breathing is slower and my limbs relax. It is very eery! But also so amazing to witness this phenom every night.

I also loved the little breastfeeding story they threw in there! :bf Very cool! Except I need help figuring out what this means from page 189 (the part about the little breastfeeding infant and mom)~"Her eyes are so open, her mouth is so open, her face so open, she is an incarnation in this moment of pure presence." I have done very little reading about incarnation and I am not totally understanding this sentence. Maybe I just have sleepy eyes today?


P.S. I am pooped and just ready to go stuff my face into a book and call it a day! I hope my post made sense...
post #6 of 330
I haven't read the chapter yet but DH and I got lots of great stuff done around this house today, and had a really nice lot of family time today.

My understanding of incarnation (from "carn", meaning body or physical I think) is the embodiment of something normally w/o a body. I don't really understand the quote, though, b/c I would normall say someone was "peace incarnate" or "anger incarnate" or "the incarnation of peace" or something like that. The only time I have ever seen incarnation used w/o that kind of elaboration is in reference to Christ. :
post #7 of 330
Curley Locks - how funny! I also locked myself in my bathroom and read this chapter. I was going to finish a chapter in The Mist of Avalon which I am also reading, but thought that I should review this chapter instead.

I think that co-sleeping, nursing, slinging - it all helps us to stay in tune with out children. It is why all of those things are so hard on our marriages (or on mine at least.) DH and I don't do much to stay in tune with each other and so consequently we are at odds most times.

This morning there was a dead dove in the "love and marriage" part of our back yard. It does not bode well for us - that has to be a bad omen.

I really need to resonate more with my husband, but I'm struggling with it....
post #8 of 330
haven't read my chapter yet, but i will soon.

ig- hang in there. that struggle is hard. i know how wearing that being odds w/dh can be. it's such a relief to break the ice finally. sending you healthy dove love.
post #9 of 330
Thread Starter 
Thanks again everyone for your thoughtful posts last week! I really enjoyed them and was so intrigued by everyone's thought processes! And thanks Gen. and Analisa for helping me to figure out what that sentence means. I think I can feel the meaning better than I can understand it in words.

Gen.~ I'm so sorry to hear of the dead dove in your yard. One of the dove nests in our backyard has been a fascination for our family this spring. The other day I gently shook the little tree hoping the mama dove will fly off so I could see her babies. Well she did not move off her nest so I left her alone. A few days later I noticed she had abandoned her nest and there were no babies to be seen!! I felt so terrible for shaking the tree and wondered where the babies were. On Saturday I saw a dead baby dove on the ground by the tree. I became so frantic and upset but not crying just very angry with myself. I cant help but feel it was my fault the baby dove died. So Gen. my heart really goes out to you! I know how sad a dead dove can be! I see them as very peaceful and sacred birds. I'll never forget my mistake and I will grieve for years for what I did.

Also, Dh and I are really working on our resonaces. When we are not getting along or resonating well with one another ds is really caught in this frantic current. The other day we had a little squabble (compared to some of our squabbles it was little) and ds said "sorry." Like it was his fault we were fighting. It broke my heart!!! And dh and I are vowing to try harder. We realize we have "ISSUES" and love eachother and ds enough to try to work through them. I'll be sending you all warm and loving vibes in this department as well. Please send us some resonaces as well.

Just for fun here's what the dictionary says about resonances~

Dictionary.com definition of resonances:

res·o·nance ( P ) Pronunciation Key (rz-nns)
The quality or condition of being resonant: words that had resonance throughout his life.
Richness or significance, especially in evoking an association or strong emotion: “It is home and family that give resonance... to life” (George Gilder). “Israel, gateway to Mecca, is of course a land of religious resonance and geopolitical significance” (James Wolcott).
Physics. The increase in amplitude of oscillation of an electric or mechanical system exposed to a periodic force whose frequency is equal or very close to the natural undamped frequency of the system.
Physics. A subatomic particle lasting too short a time to be observed directly. The existence of such particles is usually inferred from a peak in the energy distribution of its decay products.
Acoustics. Intensification and prolongation of sound, especially of a musical tone, produced by sympathetic vibration.
Linguistics. Intensification of vocal tones during articulation, as by the air cavities of the mouth and nasal passages.
Medicine. The sound produced by diagnostic percussion of the normal chest.
Chemistry. The property of a compound having simultaneously the characteristics of two or more structural forms that differ only in the distribution of electrons. Such compounds are highly stable and cannot be properly represented by a single structural formula.

post #10 of 330
I loved this chapter. I really feel like it is an important concept and I wish DH could understand that concept. DD is the same way when falling asleep. She needs us to be relaxed and resonating calmness. If I am impatient with my mind elsewhere it takes her forever. And it takes DH forever because he doesn't relax into the moment. We had houseguests this weekend and that does not resonate well. Not that they were not fun or anything, but it changes the home dynamic. Very weird. DD went to bed so late and she was sooooo tired the next day.

Then again, sometimes we really don't get the dynamic at hoem right and I feel terrible. I can be stressed and DH is busy and our minds are elsewhere and it just goes crazy. Babies really do pick up on the stress in a household.
post #11 of 330
Well today is my seventh wedding anniversary. I'm having a really hard day. Took a pg test this morning (2 weeks exactly past when I thought I might have conceived) and was so so disappointed that it was negative - and we weren't even officially trying! DH was disappointed too so I guess we are officially trying now! But I'm not even sure I'm ovulating yet. I've had two periods in the last three months but this one is very very late.

We had an awful night. We are weaning Meg between the hours of 11:30 pm and 3:30 am and last night was our first night of that. Not good. I got up at 6:30 to take the pg test and Meg woke up too, so then we slept from 10 to 1. I missed my Al-Anon mtg. which totally gets me through the week these days.


DH and I are going out to dinner alone for the second time since Meg's birth. We are leaving her at home with a dear friend who she is very close to, and will be home by bedtime, but I'm really nervous.
post #12 of 330
Thread Starter 
Analisa~ Happy anniversary! I hope your evening goes well. You are really gung ho! Trying to TTC and night wean. I am a weanie in both areas. Or maybe I am lazy? :

Having a hard time adjusting to dh working...I ate a bunch of candy and cake this weekend and now I feel so sluggish and crappy. Please send some happy resonances my way...I'll send you some when I get my stamina back.

Poor ds is really being neglected by me today. Not in an abusive way. I am just a mentally a million miles away. I think I'm depressed about not going anywhere for the upcoming holiday and I desperately want to go somewhere...but no money yet.

post #13 of 330
Thread Starter 
Just wanted to say I am better today and feeling more mindful! Dh and I are even resonating very well. Yesterday and this weekend was too busy!

Sending you all warm thoughts...gotta go tend to my little funny bunny.
post #14 of 330
Thread Starter 

I hope you are all gearing up for a long weekend. Anyone want to take next week off? I will miss you all but I know most people go out of town or have family visiting this time of the year. We'll be around but hopefully we'll make time to visit my dh's family and have a bbq.
post #15 of 330
[<== That's me rushing into the room and giving everyone hugs!]

WAIT! No, don't take a week off next week - maybe just the long weekend. But I've missed you guys too much! We were away for 11 days but it feels like months. And I thought I'd have internet access from dh's laptop occassionally but it didn't work. Which was great in terms of us being forced to do all kinds of other wonderful activities outdoors, (and, miraculously for us, a few wonderful activities indoors! ). BUT it did mean I missed MDC.

I've been trying to catch up on all your reflections on nursing, family bed, and resonances, and won't try to catch up on all my own reflections on the subject in the five minutes I have here. But I will say that this trip was such an affirmation for me of how in tune I am with dd, now 15 months. With all the changes of scenery, people, language, everything familiar, she definately took huge comfort in nursing and the sling. Without them both the trip would have been pretty hard, but with them, and co-sleeping, I felt like we did great. It didn't feel that jarring, because we could continue our primary activites (nursing, sleeping together, being held) just like we were home. [Totally off topic, can I just brag for a moment that I used cloth diapers almost exclusively -- including washing a few out in the hotel bidet on the last night?! ]

And without all the stress of home life, dh and I finally got back in tune with our own resonances. It was such a remarkable change in us both. It felt good to remember who we are.
I wish it weren't so hard to be mindful when I am back here... already the transition feels very un-smooth, and I'm afraid of the old bad patterns slipping back in. On the trip, we all slept in the same bed, and at home dh is in the guest room. I really was reminded how significant that is to he & I connecting at the end/start of each day. DD & I have that every day without him instead, and I think it's been damaging.
I'm going to look into extending our bed, even if he can be on a twin alongside us.

Anyway... back to work

post #16 of 330
oh yeah - Analisa, I also wanted to say happy Anniversary!
How did the dinner go?
post #17 of 330
The dinner was OK. It was over too quickly. We went to Outback and it was kind of loud. Meg did great with my friend. We brought home dessert to share with her after Meg went to bed.

This friend is my roommate from college, a big successful doctor-type, and I never thought we'd be lucky enough to live in the same state much less the same city. But we have another year before she goes to Hopkins to do an oncology fellowship...

Originally posted by mamabutterfly
oh yeah - Analisa, I also wanted to say happy Anniversary!
How did the dinner go?
post #18 of 330
Hi Everyone,

Took me a while to find you here and then lately I've been too emotionally flat to think of anything to post. I haven't read the chapter in a while, but I can tell you that right now, nothing seems to be resonating with me . . . I have discovered in coming off of the allergy/near starvation diet that while ds can now tolerate certain foods in my milk, **I** cannot. And it was one thing to give up stuff for him, but giving it up for my own health is an entirely different story! Man, what a lesson this is for me!

Then this week we finally gave up our TV, and I am having a tough time. Not that I really watched it that much, but it's hard not having there when I need to zone out.

Which seems to be every night lately. Especially when I'm trying not to eat for entertainment.

AND AF is here AND it has rained most of this week AND my best friend/SAHM tribeswoman has been out of town all week. It's the kind of week where some big household appliance should break, KWIM?

I'm thinking of deleting this entire post . . . but maybe I'll just leave it so you know I'm here and wading thru the fog . . . to return when the clouds lift . . .

post #19 of 330
Welcome back, Anne! Just wanted to agree that APing makes for fabulous travel! We've had the same experience -- it's like the babies hardly notice anything is different -- or at least they don't care -- as long as they have their slings, their family beds, and their boobies!

Oh, and we also find it to be just too sad to have dh sleep in another room, so I support you in trying to find a way to get him back in your bedroom!
post #20 of 330
Oh, and Heather, may I join the Memorial Day Pity Party? My dh has to WORK! Frickin' state government . . . no raises for years, suck-suck-SUCKY health insurance, AND he frequently has to work holidays!!! All this moaning to say that we will not be going anywhere fun, exotic, or sunny, either.
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