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“Everyday Blessings” Part VI ~ Book Discussion & Tea Party - Page 2

post #21 of 330
Thread Starter 
Hi everyone! Welcome back MB. We're glad your trip was wonderful. And your post was sooo sweet. Glad you liked reading the posts from the last few weeks. I really enjoyed reading them myself. The mamas here are sumthing special!

E~ Here's a GREAT BIGGGG Yes you can join my pitty party. But tonight I realized it may not turn out so bad afterall. But I still wish we were going somewhere. Like you wrote in another post...something about our society making us feel like we need to be somewhere else to be happy...Cancun or someplace like that. It is so true!!! I often dream of being someplace else and with other people too... Oh well. I can dream. I'll just try to do it mindfully...Oh I wish I was on the Pacific or Atlantic this Memorial Weekend. Instead I'm in the boring old Midwest. : Which isnt so bad...I got two gorgeous loves to share it with. Even if one is not here mentally either. I'm sorry your dh has to work, sister mama. I really know that bites. Except that in times like these some crazy people would think "at least he has a job." We wont even go there.

Analisa~Glad your anniversary went well. And glad to know you didnt ditch your friend from college. My college friends are history. I wish I would have kept in contact. Even if they dont have a clue about AP or EB.

Angie~I liked your brag!!! Very cute! I keep thinking about that and how each of you are looking to the future with your children. I am slowly but surely weaning myself from the idea that ds will not always be my baby. It has been a hard week for me. I feel myself slowly pulling away from ds. Not in a mean way. A healthy way. I dont think I am codependent on him or enmeshed but I could see it turning out that way one day maybe. I am so in love with this child. His smell and utter cuteness makes me ga ga. It does the same thing to dh. I think I'll go cuddle my little boy now and go to sleep.

Anyway, today I was at the store and had ds in his sling (just went in to buy 3 things) and a stocker boy commented on how cute ds is. I thought later that maybe the image of cute and happy ds and the sling would stick out in his mind when he has kids. Little by little our little ones happy resonances and our loving mama vibes will change the WEST! To me that is how the "West will be won!"

post #22 of 330
Hi, everyone - glad the trip went well, glad the anniversary date went well! Kudos to you both! Dh and I need to figure out how to have a date. We don't have anyone "primed" for the babysitting job (no family or close friends in the area), but we really need to cultivate someone this summer. We have been out together only once since ds was born, and that was a minor disaster (my parents were visiting, and they insisted - ds ended up screaming for over an hour until he pretty much passed out from exhaustion).

El - big hugs to you. It's so hard to function during weeks like that. I'm thinking of you and sending loving, healing thoughts to you and all of your major appliances.

I wore ds in the sling to my concert last night (although not onto stage) but having 250 high school kids see that ds and I are so connected was really cool. They all remarked at how cute and happy he was. As you said, Heather, I hope this is an image they carry with them later on in life.

Resonances. As several of you mentioned, dh and I are having trouble in this area, too. We really need some alone time. I'm just not sure how to get it, KWIM? We do all sleep in the same bed, but with ds in the middle. I know that dh misses (and so do I) our "us" cuddle time in bed, but we just haven't figured out how to get it on a regular (or even semi-regular) basis. This is so hard for me, because I know that the reason ds and I resonate so well in each other's lives is because of the AP, family bed, etc, but it may also be the reason dh and I are falling out of tune.

Also joining the pity party of "no great travel plans" for the weekend, but am trying to be mindful of all of the wonderful things we have. Things I'm thankful for today are: fresh rhubarb and asparagus, perennial plants and bulbs that flower even though I haven't done anything with/to them, and dh and ds who are the lights of my life. I'm just hoping for good weather this weekend so that we can play outside. Let's not take a week off, Heather - I'd miss you all too much!

post #23 of 330
Thread Starter 
Just checking in to see how you mamas are doing. Lks like there will be enough of us around next week so we wont even consider taking another week off. Next week is "Attunement." I really like that chapter too. You mamas are HARD CORE!

Off to fantasize about another world. And cook breakfast as mindfully as possible.

Sending chipper, mindful vibes too all!!!!
post #24 of 330
Sorry for all the gloom and doom on last night's post -- I seem to have come down with a stomach bug in the middle of the night, and as crazy as it sounds, I'm somewhat relieved, 'cause MAN, was I feeling grumpy and ungrateful and whiny! But now I can cut myself some slack. (Wouldn't it be cool if I could do that without getting sick?) :

Dh stayed home today so maybe I'll get some EB read.

Here's a warm fuzzy for today . . .

In the middle of the night, ds rolled over to me and said, "Mik? Udda side?" As I pulled up my shirt, he started to laugh with excitement, then said, "Mik Maxie's faaav-wit!" (I know I don't have to translate for you mamas!)

Made my whole YEAR.

And chased the poor-me's away.
post #25 of 330
Hello everyone

Nice to hear how folks are doing, even when the blues have moved in for awhile. The ebb and flow and ebb and flow.

Thanks, El, for sharing Max's enthusiasm for the milk. I think Finn truly believes that the milk (his name for my breasts and the substance that flows from them) are his, but that I'm temporarily wearing them at the moment. I'm reading "how weaning happens" and enjoying all the stories about how babies show their love for milk and how they decide that they're ready to let go (we're not trying to wean, but i do get kind of curious about how it happens since Finn's nursing about 20! times a day right now).

Sorry momcat that you haven't been able to get out with dh. I can't remember how old your ds is (maybe a bit younger than Finn), but we've recently been able to leave him with some friends who we see a couple times a week. It helps that his closest friend, Eileen, these friends' baby is there to keep him company. Before that, we instituted a weekly date in-house night every Friday, where we would take turns planning the evening (which normally revolved around food). Chris comes home early that night so that we can get dinner done and Finn to bed before 10pm which has become his regular bedtime. No working allowed. Normally we sit and talk or work on crossword puzzles and occasionally we watch a movie (though that seems like time wasted most of the time). Just a thought!

And mamabutterfly - good luck with a new sleep solution. I think that we are also suffering from lack of cuddles and am hoping to shift us around so that I'm between Finn and Chris occassionally (but I feel squished just thinking about it). Probably not an option if you guys are in a double, though.

And Heather, whenever I see your username, I think Curly locks, curly locks, will you be mine. you shan't wash the dishes nor yet feed the swine, but sit on a cushion and sew a fine seam and you shall eat strawberries, sugar and cream. how's that for a memorial day fantasy. and to show you how out of it I am, I hadn't even realized that it was memorial day weekend (chris works most holidays). I didn't even know that I was supposed to be feeling sorry for myself.

Anyways, we're heading to Kansas on Tuesday and will be gone for a week. Finn and I are travelling one leg alone and then Chris will come for a short visit and travel back with us. I had vowed not to travel alone with Finn after our last trip, but somehow that's where we are again. Better start stashing away his favorite books so that I can entertain him for 7 hours or so.

And Happy Anniversary to Annalisa and dh

clink (drinking water but dreaming of bailey's)
post #26 of 330
Thread Starter 
<== Me laughing at you funny mamas and trying not to be a tired mama so I can get happy about a long weekend. I am drinking water too and dreaming of a Pina Colada on a sandy beach somewhere....maybe I'll eat some strawberrys and cream too. BTW, I know that rhyme too! You found me out. I am such a goody goody at heart. It BITES (I even changed my choice of words so I wouldnt offend )!!!! WHAH!

Happy travels to you, Angie! I havent traveled since the last time I swore I wouldnt travel b/c the time b4 I swore was the last time alone w/ ds on a long day of traveling! You traveling mamas are so awesome! Send me some get guts vibes.

And, El...I loved your story about ds and his mik...CUTE!!!!!!!!! No interpretations were needed.

Off to see where my darlings went...

post #27 of 330
Hey Angie, that in-house date is a great idea! You guys are gonna wanna kick me for ever complaining, 'cause we live in our home town (we're h.s. sweethearts) and have all of ds's grandparents here to help out for dates (all SEVEN of them, since everyone is divorced). Not all of them are up to the job, but 2 sets consistently are, so we get out 1-2 times a month.

That said, on weekends when no one can sit, we have instituted "Family Date Night," where all 3 of us go out to dinner, then to the movie store (where ds very seriously and intently rearranges all the movies at his eye level -- so cute!), and then home for the bedtime routine, after which dh and I watch our movie, no matter how late it is. And since you've twisted my arm, I'll divulge one last secret . . . I'll usually agree to fool around after the movie (even if it's 1 a.m.) if dh promises to let me sleep in the next morning.

I know, I know, that's pure and simple BRIBERY, but hey, I love lovin' my husband, so I'm not compromising myself, and dh, for some whacko reason, thinks it's kinda cute (not to mention that his needs get met so he doesn't care how tired he is) and it makes for a very nice start to the weekend. Really and truly, dh and I get along SO much better once we've reconnected physically.

I did get to read "Resonances" again today and I was reminded of a guidance counselor at the school where I taught who used to emphasize to parents how CRITICAL it was that they put their marriage FIRST. He said that if the parents were happy, the babes would be happy. And I, being childless yet oh-so-knowledgable about ALL things, agreed with him wholeheartedly and spouted this opinion to any parents who would listen.

Now of course I understand that it's WAY more complicated than this (did I mention that the counselor didn't have children, either?), and in fact have believed all along that ds comes first and our marriage can wait, if needed, 'cause we are adults.

And I still believe this, but I must say that I am DISTRESSED to hear this common theme among us . . . that we so often feel distant from our partners, and perhaps our AP choices are making the distance last longer than it might.

What can we do about this, mamas? How can we show the world that AP is right for the whole FAMILY, not just the precious babes? 'Cause you know this is a favorite and pervasive criticism. And I DO believe that our babies need us to stay married to their daddies (or other mommies, but in this case, all daddies, I think) bc our partnerships can be the foundations for their lives -- a safe place from which to venture and a reliable place to come home to.

Can we help each other with this? :

(H: I think you just posted, but I haven't read it yet -- will do soon.)
post #28 of 330
I think connecting physically definitely helps us resonate (actually got lost in thought about this just now), but it's SO HARD (hee hee no pun intended) to make it happen when you just don't feel like it.

I think non-AP families have issues with partner resonance, too, it's just different issues from ours.
post #29 of 330
Thread Starter 
I lost my post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ugg. Well a shorter version will have to do...Thanks for all the wonderful ideas to try with dh. Seems like I am ready to try to tune into dh a little more. Ds wants dh to be there now when I nurse him to bed lying down. Dh sometimes lays behind ds and we play footsie and hold hands. Sometimes dh lays behind me and we cuddle. Tonight he kissed my neck (quietly and softly) and caressed to the point of goosebumps, while ds was nursing me... Normally I am a prude but I am fertile murtile right now! Of course ds wasnt really ready for bed yet so he got up after 20 minutes of nursing like a wild animal and toddled off downstairs leaving dh and I alone for a good five minutes... (yee ha!! )

I definately agree that there has to be some sort of balance but I feel like being a wife AND a mother for the first time is a huge adjustment on everyone...I feel more so for the mother b/c the infant and then toddler relies so heavily on the mother's life force since we dont live in tribes/villages anymore. Dh even told me last week that since he has been home more this year he can see why I get so tired. He says when he is home all day ds sucks the life out of him and he is more tired on those days. So he is starting to understand what a mother goes thru...sort of.

I love the way ds smiles when he sees dh and I hugging...sometimes he comes over and tries to get in on the lovin'...Dh and I are trying to kiss longer now and hug more, esp. when sex is not an option at the moment.

Keep on resonating those sensual vibes out there! AP can work. I think it just takes some time, creativity, discipline, and patience from everyone. And it may not seem to work for awhile with our dh's but I think the 1st baby is a huge adjustment period and learning time for us as mamas and for dads too.
post #30 of 330
Breathe - I am one of the few, maybe , that actually does think that you need to take care of your marriage - maybe not first, but sometimes first.

AP is about making things work for the whole family - not just the parents and not just the children. So sometimes it may be appropriate to take care of our marriages first. But we *are* the adults, so we have to really weigh whether that decision is in the best interest of all the family members.

I was kind of frustrated last night because dd (6 months) just doesn't know how to fall asleep when she is obviously tired. She will fall asleep instantly once the car is moving, but with me at home it is fussing, pulling on and off of the breast for hours before she finally passes out. So last night her fussing about was eating into our "date" night - the first time a in a while.

Eventually she passed out and we had our role in the hay, but it was definiately one of those times where we needed to take care of our marriage.

I am trying to tune into my husband a lot more so we can get "reattached"! It's working.
post #31 of 330
Thread Starter 


Just had to CLINK in! Ds took an early nap today and is so tired today...We're actually planning an in-home date! Dh is so excited that I heard him airing up the air mattress in the basement. He went to the store and bought some candy for the movie we picked out to watch. I cant believe how excited I am about this. I put on a sexy number under my nursing nightgown that I havent put on in at least five years. Sending you all wonderful and loving resonaces from my cozy neck of the woods. BTW, it's not for sure but ds and I may go with dh on a short business trip on Monday and Tuesday. It cant get anymore exciting than this!
post #32 of 330
Go Heather! Go Heather!

It's your birthday! It's your birthday!

Man, that dancing banana has taken on a whole new meaning in this thread, huh?!?!

post #33 of 330
Hee! Whooda thunk this whole thing about resonanaces would've turned into a SEX talk! I love it! We are definitely getting to know each other BETTER around here!
post #34 of 330
Thread Starter 
It was a PERFECT date! Went better than planned. The movie was even decent. I'm still resonating from head to toe.

Here's some lovin' I saved for myself...I have some to spare. If you have any to spare, scatter it into the wind. The world could use a hug.

post #35 of 330

Hee hee perfect date here, too, and wasn't even planning one at all! I blame you guys for getting me thinking amorously...

Love and fairy dust to the world!
post #36 of 330
And here's to another weekend started off RIGHT in our house, too!

See, if our dh's EVER complain about us being hooked on this forum, we can tell them how much THEY have benefitted from our discussions!

Girl talk is a GOOD thing!
post #37 of 330
Look out, ladies... remember where this leads~

(my dh was away for the weekend on work, but i think our happy vacation may have started us down this conversational path, lol )

post #38 of 330
Originally posted by mamabutterfly
Look out, ladies... remember where this leads~

post #39 of 330
Thread Starter 

"Attunement" Pages 191-194

Hopefully this post finds you and yours in tune!

Attunement: to bring into harmony...(sigh) if only it were so easy to stay in tune.

I loved reading this chapter. There's another cute breastfeeding story at the beginning of the chapter too.

A quote from page 191~
Attuning to our children involves being aware of the messages they are giving us, not just with their words, but every aspect of their being, and adjusting ourselves to resonate in harmony with them.
How many times has your toddler started to act out of character in a moment, like hitting the dog or cat, or you, or acted whiny toward bedtime or naptime and at first you didnt click "oh you need to nurse" or "oh you are tired" or even "OH you must need to POOP," if they are nursing wildly but wont go to sleep. Just trying to keep our minds open to the fact that they are not behaving in these annoying ways to drive us nuts is being in tune and harmony with our babes. Of course this doesnt give them the right to hit or other things that are not appropriate but at least when they do these things we can try to keep our reactions in "mind" in these instances.

I can't tell you how many times I have flown off the handle at ds when I REALLY needed him to take a nap so I could either take a nap or have some time to myself only to discover that he just wasnt ready to nap either because he just wasnt ready or he needed to poop. It took me months to finally realize what was happening. And I admit I still have my ogar moments. But I have noticed that because of the secure attachment ds has, he is better able to take my ogar moments in stride and gives me the same understanding that I should be giving him.

Page 194~
Being in harmony with our children doesnt mean that things will always be harmonious. Attuning in moments of great disharmony and conflict requires everything we have, every ounce of energy and insight, so that even in the midst of struggle, we keep sight of who our children really are and what they need from us in that moment.
Am I the only one that felt like a late bloomer in regard to tuning in with myself so that I could then be in tune with ds? For those that were able to tune in right away to your baby/ies what do you credit that ability to? Was it a book, a person, a magazine? For me it was definately a combination of things and it has been a slow process for me. I read somewhere that when we are not in cared for as infants and children in an empathetic/loving way and not had our needs listened to that we shut out our inner instincts. I wholeheartedly see that was part of my problem. I had to unlearn so much of what I thought I knew about myself and infants' needs. And I am still learning every day...thanks for all you have done to help me learn more.

Here's to being in tune with yourselves, your mates, and your precious babes! CLINK
post #40 of 330
Just trying out my NEW SIGNATURE
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