“Everyday Blessings” Part VI ~ Book Discussion & Tea Party - Page 13

[Megs Mom]

Originally posted by Festivus
As an aside, has anyone read any of their other books? Particularly Full Catastrophic Living? I have heard that one is really good, also.

I am feeling a little self-conscious stepping into your cozy group and understand, after reading even just the small amount of the book that I have, why you have all come so close. Please know I won't be some whacko intruding. I really look forward to having other moms to share some of my thoughts on this book with and to get some great feedback.

Kim, you are totally welcome here.

I have started Wherever You Go, There You Are as recommended by a therapist. It's by Jon. It's very good.

[Megs Mom]

Kim, we can bond over 12 Steps. I'm an Al-Anon.

[momcat]

Kim - thanks for the intros. You are most welcome here - hope you can stand us!!!

Jacq - your earlier post of nobody looking like you imagined is right on for me, too - somehow I pictured you with long hair????!

Analisa (and everyone) - I vote for a reunion in TX in the spring, as we have no spring in Wisconsin. Besides, I remember Houston in the summer. Ick.

Have a happy, everyone!
Karen

[Curly Locks]

Hi! It's so cool to be able to come home and see we're still carrying on here. It's really great to have another late comer, Kim. Thanks for the bio. It was very interesting. I went to college to be a social worker but I didnt end up in that field. Iguanavere (Genevieve) joined us a few months back and she still hasnt done an intro, or has she? If anyone wants to read ours let me know and I'll find the link. We were all very enthusiastic about the book about 9 months ago. We still like the book and use it as a way to know ourselves better and to learn about how others view and use the insights in the book.

s Jacq! I'm with ya! I had a little bit of a meltdown today but I am better now... I'm tired and stressed but tomorrow will be better!

A spring reunion would be great! It would be easier for us to meet in Dallas than it would be for Annalisa to haul 3 kiddos.

[Festivus]

Analisa - I do AlAnon, too. I started into it about 10 years after I got sober and it took me even deeper. DH is doing his first ever 4th Step as we speak. The 12 steps keep me "sane".

Thanks for the welcomes again, guys! And I would LOVE to read anyone else's bio/intro if you have the energy and/or time to look it all up and link it. I am still trying to keep straight who is who. :

[Curly Locks]

Kim, thanks for taking such an interest here. I found the link to our first offical discussion of the book (Breathe/El started)~Mindful Parenting Book Club Begins!

There are some posters that are not in our current discussion and since you may not know us well enough yet we are (in order of intros in the link...not in post order--spread out)~
Breathe (El)
Annalisa (Megs Mom) ...twins in the oven
Nuggetsmom (Jacqueline)
Liminal One (Angie)
Momcat (Karen)
Mamabutterfly (Anne)
Mamakarata (Cheryl)
Rainsmom (???)
Curly Locks (Heather) intro is in my 2nd post in the above link


Iguanavere (Genevieve) is also among our group.
Am I forgetting someone??? I feel like I am! Sorry but I am not all here this week mentally.

You'll have us figured out before you know it. Like Karen wrote, I hope you can stand us. :LOL

I gotta go to bed now.

[mamabutterfly]

Hi all... Please don't even look at the time since I'm on here very late on a Saturday night! Actually I'm used to this being a night when dh hangs out with a friend, and I'm here by myself w/dd. We've had a pretty nice day though - really a good week, overall.

Hugs to Jacq and Curly! Sorry about the difficult day. Just as a laugh, I was skimming kind of fast & I thought Jacq that you wrote you "had a bad hair day." :LOL

I think this story will make a good segue into the "Jack and the Beanstalk" chapter...
Tonight at bedtime Sophie was doing those nursing acrobatics all across my body & back, and driving me nuts.... I was about to grab her whole body and pin her down, when the line jumped into my head: "What about this moment can I be glad about or grateful for?" I actually imagined onw of you in the room with me asking that. And I had just heard a friend's story tonight about a 2 year old boy drowning... And I was struck with this strong love for my dd's whole body, her legs and arms as they flailed around. I remembered when I was pregnant and wondered what her skin would feel like. I recalled a little of that awe the first time her body was draped onto my chest and I couldn't believe she was actually breathing.

I shut my eyes and stopped thinking about how I had been hoping she would drop off to sleep so I could go watch Trading Spaces ( Oh ugh I can't believe I just admited that. Haven't given up TV around here yet, sigh).... I had that glimpse of a feeling that there wasn't anywhere I would rather be in that moment. Very EB, lol.

Of course, within seconds it seemed like... ... she was asleep. Of course. Geez. Will I ever learn this simple thing?

grateful for you all, too,
anne

[Festivus]

Originally posted by mamabutterfly
And I had just heard a friend's story tonight about a 2 year old boy drowning... And I was struck with this strong love for my dd's whole body, her legs and arms as they flailed around. I remembered when I was pregnant and wondered what her skin would feel like. I recalled a little of that awe the first time her body was draped onto my chest and I couldn't believe she was actually breathing.

Wow... That made me get all teary eyed. I definitely look forward to reading more things like that. Thank you SO much for sharing.

[Festivus]

I really will stop posting soon, but I keep thinking of things to say... :LOL

Thank you so much for the link back to the introductions. I got sucked right into all of those and then into everyone's excitement about the book. "Deep" reading and by the time I got to the end of page 3 I had to force myself to go up and click the window closed! I kept wanting to read more and more and more, and, hey! It's midnight here!!!

I so look forward to reading more and more. I re-read my first post here and hope didn't sound too weird or even harsh or just generally off-putting... I really was just confessing... {{Neuroses creeping back up...}}

[Curly Locks]

"Jack and the Beanstalk" page 206

Thanks for sharing your reflections, Anne. That was a tear jerker! I am having a terrible morning and just feel awful. Ds fell down the stairs chasing after dh who is really like a tazmanian devil (always on the move). It is just making me crazy today. Maybe I need to go see my counselor this week and finally join alanon too. We're not alcoholics, but addictions/co-dependencies run in our families.

I better go try to make the best of the day. We have a b-day party at the in laws today to go to. I'm just not in the mood. I hope I can pick up my dragging A$$ ASAP!!!

Please carry on with "Jack and the Beanstalk." It's a cute chapter and oh so short.

Sorry for being such a cry baby this morning. I'll feel better soon.

[LiminalOne]

Originally posted by nuggetsmom
I think the worst thing is that I an dissasociating right now though. I am just really cold and unresponsive to DD because I just don't have it in me to do otherwise. Oh, and it is hot here.

Hey Jacq - That perfectly describes how I react to stress with Finn(which is totally different than how I react with other folks). I feel like I'm in a fishtank and just watching the world, passively move on. I totally lack empathy for anyone or anything. It's such a strange feeling for me.

Had a couple of hours like that yesterday morning after Finn got up at 5:45am, yawn. Saturday mornings, I have tons of energy to get stuff done around the house. We'd been to the beach three times that week, so housework was not getting done and Finn just wouldn't get into the "spirit" of things. As soon as dh came down after sleeping in, I just felt like a zombie. Finn and dh were trying to help me shake it, but it was a really persistent feeling. It wasn't til they gave me 10 minutes or so to lie on the couch. At first, I was just feeling blaise, but then I started to think about how I was acting like the sloth in the Eric Carle book, hanging upside down from a branch. Somehow just thinking of all the words that the sloth uses to describe herself from languid to unflappable (some positive and some negative), helped me jump out of the moment. I started thinking of it more as a moment of introspection rather than a screw-up (in which then I have to deal with the extra layers of guilt, analysis, blah blah blah). So, hey, there's my homegrown sloth meditation for you...

And here's a gentle KICK in the butt for Heather. Hope that you can enjoy the festivities (remember you can always bring your inner sloth with you).

Welcome, festivus, to our merry crowd.

And, thank you Anne for reminding us of how precious these moments are. I loved hearing about how your letting go transformed that moment into love and the success of getting her to sleep.

cheers
Angie

[Curly Locks]

I need some serious hugs today. I didnt go to b-day party and dh and I are in the middle of hell. I have to go pick them up since I bailed and dropped them off.

I'm not sure where to begin with the issues we're having. I dont expect you all to understand my situation. But hugs would be great.

If you want to know why I am so stressed this week you can go to the Parents as Partners forum. I posted a thread~ "Where's Prince Charming Anyway???" I'm sorta embarressed about my confessions but what the heck. Maybe someone out there at MDC has BTDT. Please dont look the thread up if your busy. But do come read if your interested and have the time and want to send a hug. I feel like such a cry baby today.

[mamabutterfly]

"I feel like such a cry baby today."

[... I just wrote you a long post then Sophie pressed the Ctrl button. I never knew that deleted your post! : ]

I was just reminding you that babies cry because they are expressing real and legitimate needs and asking for our empathetic response. Don't apologize for crying out when you're having a hard time. It's okay to say what you need, honey!

Here's a hug from me. Sorry a cyber-hug is a poor substitute. I'll write again tonight - S is waiting for me...

[Curly Locks]

I'm going stir crazy!!! Thanks for the cyber hug! I'm having a hard time focusing on the moment and appreciating it. I'm tired (HAVE I MENTIONED I'M SLEEP DEPRIVED?) and I need a vacation!!!! Maybe I need to quit posting today and go to bed early tonight and I'll feel better then.

Today is getting better and I appreciate the empathy. It really helped to know someone gives a darn.

So what about "Jack and the Beanstalk?" Funny story, huh? Anyone have that book for their kids? I have the "Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales" which includes a story mocking J&BS. Sometimes I feel like my life is one big scary adventure like J&BS. It would be great if when I am running from, facing or hiding from my real life giants that I could just laugh and realize it will pass. But instead sometimes I get synical feel so wore down.

I know that numb feeling, Angie and Jacq. Sometimes I can feel myself just being there and sometimes even slipping into a funk but I cant get the energy to snap out of it or to show emotions (like empathy) instead of numbness or hardness. It is no fun!

Back to reality for the rest of tonight.

[Curly Locks]

:ignore (Me wishing I wasnt such a silly head...I got caught with my pants down yesterday!!! Glad you all know me well enough here to know my bad days do pass. And I appreciate the empathy too. )

Anyway I am not sleep deprived today! Horray! Last week I kept telling myself to go to bed before 10:30 and did I listen? Did I take a nap? Heck no!! So there is a reason to catch up on sleep once in awhile.

I'm looking at "Jack and the Beanstalk" and wondering if there's a line that I should post??? Right now the chapter "Losing It" seems to be a reoccuring theme for me too (b/c of yesterday). I feel so much regret when I am losing it but I cant stop it. But maybe that is all part of the lessons I need to learn? Or can it be human nature to lose it sometimes? I need to release tension and poisons in my mind and body somehow, right? And if I'm to blind to see that I need sleep and frustrations are mounting, what else can I do until I am able to stop myself from boiling over when pressures are getting hot and heavy?

So many lessons to learn!

Has anyone read the Jack and the Beanstalk chapter? I enjoyed it but I am having a hard time focusing on what to quote. Ds is getting to the point that he really enjoys to sit down and look at books. But his attention span is still short...he doesnt want to read the same book over and over which is part of the story in this chapter. JKZ mentions that one way he can keep himself in the moment when he is struggling is to try to focus on the child's reactions, body tensing during the story. The child see's it as if it is the first time to read the book. Funny thing is that when I am involved in a dramatic situation, (like yesterday's stresses) even when it is similar to another time of losing it it is like a new experience for me. I know how the story will end and I am stuck in that scene like the lady that falls down when being chased by the bad guy in a movie! But still I am trying to make those new grooves, neural pathways that we keep talking about!



Happy week vibes to all! I am planning a camping trip with a friend. I need a mental break (not referring to MDC)!!! I hope my post made sense...no time to edit right now.

[rainsmom]

AFter reading this chapter.....I thought of that speech Dustin Hoffman gave in Kramer VS Kramer, when he's on the stand.....talking about what being a parent means. He says something like:

"It means listening to them........it means pretending to listen to them, when you cant listen to them anymore"

Growing up with 4 other siblings....I really didnt get listened to. I think I just got lost in the shuffle of children. And now having a toddler, I realise just how important it is to listen to them. To read the story they love for the 1000th time like you read it the first time. To listen when they tell you about the flowers, the ladybug they found.........whatever is important to them at that moment.

I dont know how parents of more than one child can practice mindfullness. It must be so hard! I think that is my reasoning for having 2 only children. I want to be as present as I can be. I have enough trouble doing that with one. You all with multiple dc's must be blessed with a gift!!

Anyway......Ive read ahead to the end and now Im back tracking. I gave this book recently to some friends, new parents. Its so great to pass along a treasure as this!


Rainsmom (debra)

[Curly Locks]

Thanks, Debra (rainsmom)! I remember two of my favorite books when I was in grade school: Sam, Bangs, and Moonshine and Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb. My mom used to read them over and over to my sister and I. She seemed to enjoy reading to us. I have Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb for ds and it is so fun to watch his face when I read it. It's almost like I am revisiting a special time in my own childhood so I dont have a hard time yet staying focused. I like reading to ds. But when he is taking a bath I am a million miles away mentally. When dh is here that's his task (bath time) and he is good at being present mentally with ds when they are playing or reading books. But when ds wants to read when I want to make breakfast, that's a toughy. I find that it's easier for me to say not now than to do something that is not an option at the moment for me (I mean when I'm hungry/thirsty). I may read one book but now three or four. KWIM?

[nuggetsmom]

My hair is longer now.

I like how we go on little vacations to other threads

Naomi always wants me to read the books the same way. If I am not paying attention and just reading the words and not puttign the funny pronounciations and noises with them she makes me read it again. Talk about having to perform. I love that about her though even if I get tired of her books sometimes. Usually that means we take a trip to the library for some new ones which will have a limited lifetime in our household.

[nuggetsmom]

About limits on losing it

I think that the reason I am not willing to say it is not OK to shout or express anger in any way is because I am worried that I will anyway and if I do something I think is not OK maybe I am capable of doing other things that are also not OK like hitting. Does this make any sense. I would rather say the raising my voice is not so bad (and actually a lot better that the cold mean mommy I was this weekend, but more on that another time) and I do do it sometimes. Hitting is not ok and I don't do it. Of course where does the manhandling fall in? It is abusive really, grabbing your child and physically manipulating them in an overpowering way, but I do that.

It is really hard to talk and think about this for me. I feel myself shutting down because it is too hard to really think about it. I catch these insights in glimpses but if I try to ponder them they dissapear. And if I write it out I sound really harsh and weird. Soooo tempted I am to delete this whole post I better send it NOW

edited to add: I think I mean the manhandlign when you are angry and stiff inside. I think kids feel the difference if you are calm inside and just carrying them and if you are angry and carrying them. KWIM? I would be surprised if anyone understands this post at all

[momcat]

We just had the most stressful day together in months. Remember that "Commando-Day-of-No-Naps" you were talking about, El? Well, we just had it. Ugh. Those #*&$ eye teeth had better cut through soon.

Jacq - your post reminded me of the (many) times I tried to get ds to nap today - I generally find success if I lie down with him and relax myself, too. I know you other mamas have experienced this, too - just be in the moment, love your little one, and they go to sleep, right? Well, not this time. But your post reminded me that they DO know the difference between just being carried and being carried in a less loving way - that is to say, babies (and toddlers) are barometers. They read us better than they do anything else.

That said, I think you are doing great if you are simply being mindful of your habits or inclinations when tired/frustrated/etc - that mindfulness, I think, will ensure that you don't cross any of your personal boundaries (like hitting, as you mentioned).

Has anyone read "Operating Instructions" by Anne LaMott? It's fabulous. She's a single mom, and you can completely see the range of real emotions in her book. It's a journal she kept during her son's first year. Check it out from the library - it's a good read. It's the book I kept threatening to write, sort of the "real deal" approach, not just the warm fuzzy approach! She shows the reader everything - the good, bad, and the ugly in learning how to parent.