Well, I decided to take the bus to work yesterday to get some time alone!
(Usually dh & dd drop me off, and we nurse right before I start work.) So I was able to read a few chapters of EB!
The attunement chapter was lovely... as I read it I was reminded of experiences of playing the cello over the past nearly 20 years (I started young, lol). There is a wonderful way that the vibrations of the word of the instrument's body resonate within me as I hold it to play. It is hard not to be touched emotionally by that experience, and it is interesting how little I've played since pregnancy & having dd. Obviously I have little free time that I don't use for housework (how sad
), but even so I could take some time each weekend, but it's like there is so much physical connection in mothering, so much sitting still while she nurses, so much holding something heavy all day, so much emotional energy in my time with her.... It's strange but for whatever reason I don't think of playing as relaxing anymore.
Maybe I will try this weekend & see.
But the other image from the chapter was about the actual process of *tuning* the cello. It's always been the biggest drag - the fact that with any temperature change, or prolonged time between playing, or jostling of the case - I need to tune drastically before I can play at all.
And it struck me that the parallels with marriage and parenting are strong. The work of maintaining harmony in relationships with partners, and of connecting with our children, is so dang *constant*... it requires such effort moment to moment, and the great breakthrough I made with dh on a subject 4 years ago doesn't mean I don't have to work on that again and again.
Does this make any sense? It just seems like there's this desire in me for the cello to just be perfectly in tune every time I pick it up, even if I've ignored it in the closet for 2 months. And it's not. I also want dh to be ready if I feel like kissing him, or dd to nurse when *I* think it's a good time. KWIM? But it has to be this ongoing, moment to moment fostering of the relationships, and openness to the needto stop and do the work of tuning up again, working for harmony over & voer agian.
oops boss is coming...
love you all, mb