“Everyday Blessings” Part VI ~ Book Discussion & Tea Party - Page 3

[mamabutterfly]

Well let me be the first to say


And WOW! That was quick from Friday night!!! :LOL





(I'll stop... I have to leave some excited emoticons for Heather!)

Analisa, that's so amazing - did you just test today? How's MrMeg'sMom about it? How do you feel? Fill us in!

big hugs, anne

[Curly Locks]

[Out of breath] I've been trying to get my little buga booh to bed. He keeps going and going and going... Dh went on his trip w/o us. It has been a sad, and yet exciting, day helping him get ready to leave tonight. But he'll be back in a few days. I'm so glad we have a baby in the belly in our group here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How EXCITING, Analisa!!!! This is just the type of news I needed to cheer me up!!!! I knew you were ttc, but I didnt think it was going to happen so quick! Maybe if we get to connect in the big D this summer you can give me some pointers on how to ttc (almost) on the first try. That is so cool that you can do that!

I'm sad that dh is not here with me. I really wanted to go on this trip with him! But it just would have been too much for ds and I. Maybe next time. On a happy note, ds and I had a nice evening together. We were really in tune...funny how that happens when dh is not around to mess up our harmony. Of course it means a lot of extra work for me with all the diaper changes, bath time, meal prep, the animals, caring for ds...but I knew the vacation was going to end sooner or later for me.

At least I still have you all here to cry to. I hope you all had a nice weekend!! We know how Analisa's weekend went. Thanks so much for sharing the good news with us!

[nuggetsmom]

Congrats Analisa!!!! Wow so exciting.

I had a terrible out of tune weekend.

A pipe burst under our floor and is leaking and they have to go through the concrete to fix it.
I hurt my back at DH's commencement. I was the only one of his family to attend with DD. It was long and hot and boring and DD was out of control.
I have to go on a trip alone this summer. Taking DD and my mom and going to a conference in England and then visiting my grandmother in the netherlands and I am stressed about it. It is going to cost a lot of money.
DD had to stay home last week and so did I and I have a lot of work and it stresses me out.
I won't get to go to my class on thursday because of a scheduling conflict with DH who is studying for the bar exam.
He had class all day yesterday.
I feel tired and stressed.

And I completely lost it at DD yesterday and I feel sooooooooo BAD! I just started to yell and I could not stop myself. I was just done I couldn't go on arranging about the shoes she wanted to wear. I wanted to go hiking and she had to wear shoes (not slippers like she wanted) and I totally overpowered her with my voice and scared her. I am still crying about it. She seems to be over it. But then I realised that I needed to be more in tune with her for the rest of the day but I just couldn't. I don't know how to do that when you just feel like you are losing it all day so I was really distant. Of course she feels that and a vicious cycle starts and I couldn't stop it. Plus on the hike she just wanted to be carried but my back hurt so much I couldn't keep picking her up. I had her in the stroller when she didnt' want to be, she was screaming. So how is that for not being in resonance. And I think sometimes DH doesn't realize it at all that I am swinging too far in one direction. I need some major anger management. Of course now I am fine for a while. And I repeat my mantra that it is the consisitency of my behavior that matters not the occasion that I lose it. Still, I know that my body gets tense and that I am more tense in dealing with DD. My grip is stronger and I am more likely to just pick her up and make her go where I want her to go or pull her along and I don't think that is OK. Like manhandling her and overpowering her.

Then I think there is no way I can handle 2 kids.

Well, I am part of the ebb today this week I guess.

[Breathe]

Holy Guacamole! Congrats, Analisa! You know when you got that really early negative pg test, I *almost* said, "It could be a false negative," but didn't 'cause I didn't want to interfere. So WOW! You must feel so happy.

Jacq, HUGS TO YOU! Sorry you're having such a rough time. You are aware of what's going on, and that's mindfulness, so you're doing the best you can right now. Hang in there, okay?

Wish we were all an ACTUAL tribe instead of a cyber-tribe!

[nuggetsmom]

I know too bad we aren't a real tribe, I would have called one of you guys and just come over or dropped off DD or whatever, but the hours in the car make it impractical doesn't it. Still, you guys are a huge source of support for me.

[Curly Locks]

Not much time here...but I just needed to jump in and say I am having a bad day too. WHAHH!! I hit ds on the leg while driving to the store when we should have been at home...he and I both needed a nap. And I yelled at him and told him to shut up! I was SO aweful!! And my back is KILLING me too! It has been hurting everyday for a long time. And having to hold him and care for him all by myself all day today has been a real strain. I miss dh. Yoga helps but I really need an adjustment. So anyway, Jacq. you are not alone in your pain. Being a loving mother is not always easy. Especially when we are on our own so much of the time. I can totally understand why you are stressed. I hope you are able to get some rest or take a breather. That is what I plan on doing tonight. I am going to curl up with a good book.

Love to you all...

[momcat]

GOOD GRIEF! I didn't log on at all this weekend (not since Thursday, I think) and look at what I've been missing! Congrats to Analisa, big hugs to Jacq and wow - I definitely need some of what you women have been gettin' 'cause my libido is still in neutral most of the time. Sheesh! Ds will likely wake any minute, so I'll have to re-read and post later - just wanted to give everyone my love. Wish we were geographically closer, too...

K.

[Curly Locks]

I feel like I need to go the spa above for about a month (auction)!!! I am PMSing and sleep deprived. I went to bed at 9pm and got out of bed at 8am. Ds woke up at least a dozen times. He is getting his cuspids and a 4th molar of his 1st molars. He went to bed at 7:30 last night and didnt get up until 8:30 this morning! He was sleep deprived too.

Take care! Off to try to get ds down for a nap.

[nuggetsmom]

I feel marginally better today even though I lost it again at DD last night. You know, she wanted juice, and I was handing her juice and she was screaming and pushing it away saying No juice. Geeeeeeshhh! I think she has been a little over activitied lately too.

And when she bit me while nursing I swatted her. Total brain stem reaction like when an insect is biting you. My mind was somewhere else and she hasn't bitten me in a long time. Oh well, we are going to et through this...

[Curly Locks]

Yes, life will go on here (my life and yours) too. Doing some inner work here still and trying to give myself some slack! I'm sick of making myself feel like everything (well almost everything) has to be perfect in my mothering. I put so much pressure on myself and when my health suffers I crack! Anyway today got better after I ate a dinner high in iron. I was really low.

Thinking of you all warmly and sending out happy tunes! I'm sorry we are all so far apart too.

[Iguanavere]

Congrats Analisa! 2 kids rock!

Jacqueline! I am so sorry - I have had those weeks as well and I skipped a head and read the chapter on "losing it". I highly recommend that you read it because it really helps to get some perspective that even the Kabat-Zinn's lose it from time to time. It's how you deal with it afterwards that is so important. Hard, but important.

We were in the crapper as well, but things are turning up. It's ds's 3rd birthday so I'm staying chipper for him. He's so cute!

OK - Attunement - I'll try to read more later!

[Megs Mom]

So my DH is happy about the new baby - he was actually the trigger for not worrying about our time of the month. He is also kind of overwhelmed. He's doing his internal, quiet kind of processing, which is driving me a bit nuts b/c I want to talktalktalk about it! (That's what y'all are for, and my sisters).

Haven't read Attunement yet, we have our third house guest in less than a week here right now!

[nuggetsmom]

Losing it

I had read this chapter a long time ago, but I reread it anyway, and it was so helpful. Yes, everyone loses it sometimes, and well, I did. ANyway, I have stopped beating myself up about it. In a flurry of remorse and bad feelings I went out and bought anger management workbooks and started reading them. As I am reading them I realised that these books really don't describe me. My anger is not toxic and constant and occasional blowups are just that, occasional. Not that I can't learn from the situation, but of course it's more useful to do the intervention between the aggravating event and the blowup rather than afterwords, but I rarely think rationally at that point. Well, it is all part of growing as a person and a parent.
In that vein I also took a personal day yesterday. HA. I felt really luxurious going out without anyone, DD in daycare (as usual, I just usually work KWIM) and I saw a woman with her two little girls and I suddenly missed DD so much. I went to pick her up early, and she did not want to leave (it was right before snack time):
We are going camping this weekend for one night with some friends. I am scared and excited all at once. Glad for the company though since DH has been at bar review classes till late and working all week (even monday).

Have a fabulous weekend!

[mamabutterfly]

Well, I decided to take the bus to work yesterday to get some time alone! (Usually dh & dd drop me off, and we nurse right before I start work.) So I was able to read a few chapters of EB!

The attunement chapter was lovely... as I read it I was reminded of experiences of playing the cello over the past nearly 20 years (I started young, lol). There is a wonderful way that the vibrations of the word of the instrument's body resonate within me as I hold it to play. It is hard not to be touched emotionally by that experience, and it is interesting how little I've played since pregnancy & having dd. Obviously I have little free time that I don't use for housework (how sad ), but even so I could take some time each weekend, but it's like there is so much physical connection in mothering, so much sitting still while she nurses, so much holding something heavy all day, so much emotional energy in my time with her.... It's strange but for whatever reason I don't think of playing as relaxing anymore.
Maybe I will try this weekend & see.

But the other image from the chapter was about the actual process of *tuning* the cello. It's always been the biggest drag - the fact that with any temperature change, or prolonged time between playing, or jostling of the case - I need to tune drastically before I can play at all.
And it struck me that the parallels with marriage and parenting are strong. The work of maintaining harmony in relationships with partners, and of connecting with our children, is so dang *constant*... it requires such effort moment to moment, and the great breakthrough I made with dh on a subject 4 years ago doesn't mean I don't have to work on that again and again.

Does this make any sense? It just seems like there's this desire in me for the cello to just be perfectly in tune every time I pick it up, even if I've ignored it in the closet for 2 months. And it's not. I also want dh to be ready if I feel like kissing him, or dd to nurse when *I* think it's a good time. KWIM? But it has to be this ongoing, moment to moment fostering of the relationships, and openness to the needto stop and do the work of tuning up again, working for harmony over & voer agian.

oops boss is coming...

love you all, mb

[nuggetsmom]

MB- DD loves to "help" DH play the guitar. Of course he has to tune it all the time and that is all he does. Perhaps DD will enjoy your playing the cello. Of course I probly wouldn't let a little one touch my cello, while the guitar is a cheapish and rather old one. Still, I hope it works out for you.

Your post really did make sense to me. Currently avoiding work. LOL. got to get back to it though..

[Megs Mom]

My insurance will not cover a birth center and I don't know how to get over it...I was so set on not using a hospital this time. They won't even cover a midwife who isn't a CNM.

[momcat]

Anne - as a professional musician, your metaphor made more than just a little sense to me. Thank you! I have a friend who is a professional harpist...think tuning - ha! we can't hold a candle to her experience! I really appreciate your thoughts. They are, for me, right on target.

Analisa - we don't have any birthing centers nearby, and our insurance wouldn't even pay for a CNM, let alone one who was not certified. I know people who have just planned to pay for the birth experience they want over time - sort of like a second mortgage! - because they feel it is so important. Are there any CNMs in the area you might feel comfortable with? Any chance of a home birth experience? Is there anything in between that your insurance might cover? Good luck - insurance issues really get me angry. Why is it that people who smoke can get insurance, but people who want to experience childbirth with a minimum of interventions cannot? (oops... hope we don't have any smokers here or I have just inserted my foot firmly into my mouth...) But you all know what I mean...! The whole insurance thing is a pet peeve - can you tell?!!

[Breathe]

Couldn't be more off-topic . . .

Karen, I am dying to know what instrument you play! If you told us once, I forgot it, and since I played an instrument my whole childhood and thru college, I just HAVE to know if it was the same one!

[Curly Locks]

Hi! Been trying to get myself in tune here... I think I am good for another week or so.

Anne, I really liked your post, too! How right you are. I'm still learning those lessons the hard way, some days. This week was a hard one for me, but it ended happily. But I've had worse...

Thanks for the lovely posts all and for a place to feel normal (whatever that is?)! I'm waiting to see what Karen's instrument is. I dont remember what it was. I always assumed your instrument was your voice, but thinking back I remember something being mentioned. :

On Sunday I'll be back to get us started on the next chapter. I read it yesterday. Funny thing is that I dont believe I had read it previously..."Touching" page 195. It's another good one!

Gotta go to bed now. Dh and I just finished our date and it's late.

[Curly Locks]

Oh, this is way off topic, but it applies to Annalisa. I, too, am sick of the medical establishment. Not sure how you feel about unassisted birthing but I just read "Unassisted Childbirth" by Laura Shanley. It was worth the read, even if I dont have a UC. It got me interested in another book called "The Nature of Personal Reality." I'm trying to get in tune with myself and be in charge of my own destiny. It is hard work thinking outside the box and going against the grain!

Anyway, I know not everyone is into that sort of birthing, but I thought I would mention it as a very worth while option to your delimna. I have video called "A Clear Road to Birth" which is very helpful too. Jeannine Parvati Baker speaks in the video as well. My dh is all for us having a freebirth. He enjoyed the video and Laura's website. In fact, Laura and I have sort of become email buddies. She is really awesome!!!

Laura Shanley's website

A Clear Road to Birth

New York Time's article about UC

Enough from me..