Adoption in Mothering Mag

[BCFD]

For those of you that subscribe to Mothering, do you feel this way at all (check out the feedback I just left in the below link)? Do you think I'm being overly sensitive here? I wish the editors would take this into consideration. I am very AP and do enjoy bits and pieces of the mag, but I feel that as an adoptive mom I am out right excluded every single month. :

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...82#post7173982

[RedOakMomma]

I don't think you're being overly sensitive at all Mothering seems to go out of its way to be inclusive, accepting, and liberal-minded, and when it comes to adoptive mothering they're really dropping the ball right now. It's a subject that ought to be talked about--there are fascinating issues surrounding being an AP adoptive parent, and it's a community that should be embraced, not shunned.

Of course ( ) we're embraced here, and we have a lovely forum, but even in the boards there are obvious issues of biases against adoptive parents. Mothering has an opportunity to start a discussion, to educate its readers, and to include a group of moms that ought to be championed. It's just WEIRD that adoption isn't mentioned more.

[Sierra]

I love Mothering. It is a magazine I grew up with. It was critical in the formation of who I am now as a mother. I loved it so much I couldn't get enough...I have been involved on this discussion board since pretty much its inception. I even was a moderator for quite some time, maybe four or five years.

Having said that, once I started foster parenting, I did avoid the magazine for a while. I was foster parenting teens, and it was hard to find anything that spoke to me. I did write an article on my first foster son specifically for Mothering, though I have yet to send it in.

Now I am both a foster mommy and an adoptive mommy. I do find things in the magazine that still speak to me. I personally thought the last issue with the huge section on slinging was great, even though I didn't really need it because I have my slinging thing down. I, however, avoid a good portion of the magazine. I can't read anything on pregnancy right now because I am still grieving mine. I also avoid the breastfeeding stuff, since my kids are fostered first, which precludes that as a part of our story.

There have been some articles on adoptive families, and so forth, though so far, none of the ones I can remember in recent history have spoken to me. I have some half written that I plan to finish and send in one of these days.

I think one of the great things about Mothering magazine is that so many of its articles, stories, etc. are contributed by readers rather than staff writers. If folks want more stuff in there about adoption, we should start submitting our stories and articles about our experiences. Then, if those things aren't getting published, we *really* have reason to complain. But Mothering can't choose among its submissions articles that are inclusive of adoptive and foster parents if we aren't submitting the articles we want to see. Know what I mean?

That said, I do have some resentment over the fact that I feel 90% sure that when I submit my article on bottlenursing, it won't be printed ...and I too really look forward to Adoptive Families mag. each time it comes out.

[lauren]

I would suggest continuing to write to Peggy about it. A long time ago when I had more free time on my hands ( ) I had a dialogue with Peggy about this topic. This was because professionally I do a lot of work with post-adoptive families, particularly on attachment issues. I had long been aware of attachment concepts as a parent but saw that there was little integration between the attachment parenting world and the post-adoptive attachment world. I offered to write an article on this subject and my memory of it is that Peggy was very encouraging of my submitting one, as she agreed the two 'worlds' should get together more often. Needless to say, life got the best of me, I had a third child, and the article did not get written. My point is to say that she was very receptive. I may yet do this if things get to a more settled point again, but in the meantime, are any of you writers out there?!! I also think the Mothering magazine tries to stick to particular topics so as not to try to be 'all things to all people.' This is just my opinion.

[pumpkingirl71]

I also feel excluded form Mothering.

[JunipersMom]

SO are you saying that you have to write your own story regarding adoption in order to be able to find something to relate to in Mothering? I have found that adoption can be included in almost all parenting topics without having to focus a whole article on it. Attachment, breastfeeding, babywearing, sleep issues, feeding, feelings of failing etc.. can pretty much touch all mothers and can have a blurb specific to the special circumstances that adoption would bring. Personally - I stopped getting the mag after we couldn't conceive years ago. I came to the website because of parenting and 'Mothering'.
I wish I could write because it sure has been a journey - but it would be nice to be able to find some resemblence in an issue.

[Sierra]

Originally Posted by lauren

she agreed the two 'worlds' should get together more often.

Personally, I prefer not to think of them as separate worlds. I am an AP adoptive mama (AAP--> adoptive attachment parent? A new meaning of the acronym?!).

The fact that she may think of them as two different worlds might be part of the issue...as JunipersMom pointed out, there are ways to reflect AAPing in most APing topics.

but in the meantime, are any of you writers out there?!!

I am here, but I just need more time to get my writing done. As with you, life has filled up kid by kid. I have definitely started a number of articles meant specifically for submission to Mothering.

I also think the Mothering magazine tries to stick to particular topics so as not to try to be 'all things to all people.'

I agree. Mothering can't and shouldn't be all things to all people. The thing is, though, I think it can be many things to all (or at least the vast majority of) attachment parents. I think it would be overly limiting for Mothering to exclude adoptive attachment parents. In fact, it already has been overly limiting, as demonstrated here and over the years on a regular basis as attachment adoptive parents have not purchased subscriptions. I know this is not the first thread of its kind.

So maybe Mothering can't publish more than two or three articles specifically on adoption or fostering each year, but there has already been the great point that a whole article doesn't need to be written in order for the needs of adoptive parents to have been met. With some topics, it could easily be integrated into what is already written.

Having said that...

SO are you saying that you have to write your own story regarding adoption in order to be able to find something to relate to in Mothering? I have found that adoption can be included in almost all parenting topics without having to focus a whole article on it. Attachment, breastfeeding, babywearing, sleep issues, feeding, feelings of failing etc.. can pretty much touch all mothers and can have a blurb specific to the special circumstances that adoption would bring.

Because this is a magazine that publishes mostly articles written by the readership, and because most readers will speak from their own experiences as it relates to any topic, unless the editors either start working really seriously with writers who are bio parents to add in sections on how their topics relate to adoptive families, or unless those of us who are adoptive parents start submitting stuff that includes that stuff, we likely won't see our families represented in the pages of the magazine.

[lauren]

To clarify, I don't know if Peggy thought there were 'two worlds' that needed to get together or if that was my perception at the time, and a paraphrase. I don't have the correspondence because my hard drive crashed between then and now.

I think it makes sense to keep sharing these thoughts with Peggy. I guess my point was that she is willing to listen, not that you have to write your own article to be included. My own experience is that out in the 'real world' it can be difficult to find adoptive parents that are extremely knowledgeable about NFL and AP, which are the missions of the magazine. And so a thorough article may have never appeared--it can't be about adoption without also integrating NFL concepts, or it wouldn't be in Mothering, it would be in an adoption magazine. I don't know if I"m making sense, I haven't had coffee yet!

I also hear what you are saying about integrating adoption into other articles without making it a central focus. That type of feedback I think would be very valuable for Peggy to hear. Do you know of another periodical that does a good job with that?

BTW, I'm not trying to be a spokesperson for Mothering in this thread. I am only giving my personal observations.

[sesa70]

I want to comment on a couple things...

1), I too feel excluded from mothering magazine. Its not even so much that they are purposely exclusive of adoptive families, its that the magazine seems to assume all mothers have given birth to perfectly healthy children. I say this because I have a gripe with the fact that there are little if no articles on special needs parenting either, and I am the mother of a special needs child as well. It seems to me that the general assumption of mothering mag is that all of us had experiences with childbirth, breastfeeding, and raising 'normal' kids. It seems purposefully exclusive of all other populations as is the possibility doesnt exist! This is what bothers me.

2) I try to be a writer I have been doing articles and blurbs for quite some time for an organization I belong to in regards to my older daughters diagnosis. I am not saying I am great, but I am MORE than happy to submit articles about both adoptive parenting and special needs parenting to mothering mag. But I have to admitt, I doubt they will be published.

In all, I dont neccesarily feel like mothering has to go out of its way to include us 'special' populations of mothers, but I do feel that they should make a point to exclude us less, does that make sense?

[sesa70]

Originally Posted by lauren

I also hear what you are saying about integrating adoption into other articles without making it a central focus.

This is one of the things I was trying to say in my previous post, but you have articulated it much better. Thankyou!

To give an example of something I think woudl have been a good start...

In the last mothering magazine, there was a large article on babywearing. I think it would have been great to see a blurb about how babywearing can (and does!) help with bonding and attachment to our adopted children as well. If the article can mention nursing in a sling, why can they not mention slinging as a bonding tool between families recently brought together by adoption?

It wouldnt need to be a whole article, but a simple sentance and I think alot of us would feel at least the beginnings of inclusion in the magazine.

[Sierra]

Originally Posted by sesa70

I say this because I have a gripe with the fact that there are little if no articles on special needs parenting either, and I am the mother of a special needs child as well.

As another mother of a child with special needs, I would say, yeah, I could use more articles that are inclusive of special needs parenting. But I do have a memory of some articles on special needs parenting, so I want to be sure to acknowledge that.

[Buddhamom]

Here's a kicker! I asked for a free issue to review before I got the subscription. Guess what they sent me.....THE PREGNANCY SPECIAL ISSUE!!!!!! The WHOLE issue was about pregnancy. Do you realize how I felt? I am thankful EVERY day for my baby, but c'mon, after infertility treatments and all that was like a slap in the face! I did sucessfully breastfeed her for 9 mo. until she weaned herself and would have appreciated info on that.

[Sierra]

You know, the pregnancy issue was a really hard one for me too.

[AllyRae]

They did have one adoption article a couple months back, but it was more about the children finding their bio siblings...

There are two things that I feel are missing from mothering...articles about adoption, and articles regarding pregnancy/birth/infant loss... Those two aspects make up a huge part of mothering--most everyone will know someone who is adopted or someone who has lost a child. (And from personal experience, those of us who lost children were very attached, primarily because we are so AP and treat our children as important people in our lives). Heck, I was an extreme low supply mom who was able to provide my toddler breastmilk because my supply restarted after my newborn son's death--continuing to breastfeed an older child through pregnancy and ultimately loss is one of those things that should be addressed in Mothering. As should attachment issues/bonding/APing the adopted child.

I'd like to see Mothering step outside the comfort zone and start talking about those aspects of parenting that don't fit into the traditional mold...

[AllyRae]

Originally Posted by Sierra

You know, the pregnancy issue was a really hard one for me too.

The 2005 pregnancy issue came right after we lost Ryland...to this day I can't read that issue...

[MaMaLi]

I cancelled my subscription after a year because of this too. I absolutely think that more articles should include positive references to adoption and adoptive parenting.

[BCFD]

Originally Posted by sesa70

This is one of the things I was trying to say in my previous post, but you have articulated it much better. Thankyou!

To give an example of something I think woudl have been a good start...

In the last mothering magazine, there was a large article on babywearing. I think it would have been great to see a blurb about how babywearing can (and does!) help with bonding and attachment to our adopted children as well. If the article can mention nursing in a sling, why can they not mention slinging as a bonding tool between families recently brought together by adoption?

It wouldnt need to be a whole article, but a simple sentance and I think alot of us would feel at least the beginnings of inclusion in the magazine.

OMG! This is EXACTLY what I'm talking about!! Mothering is just too over the top about biological children (nursing, home birth, etc.). This was said beautifully and it's why I will never EVER buy a subscription to this magazine myself.

[BCFD]

Originally Posted by Sierra

You know, the pregnancy issue was a really hard one for me too.

This is EXACTLY why I cringe every single time this magazine arrives on my doorstep. Mothering magazine really needs to change the title. I would recommend Mothering Biological Children or Mothering After Pregnancy

I mother my children...and they are ADOPTED! Maybe we should get together and create an AAP mag. Mothering After Adoption

[Sierra]

Originally Posted by BCFD

Maybe we should get together and create an AAP mag.

Sounds good to me.

[RedOakMomma]

AllyRae~