Adoption in Mothering Mag - Page 3

[lauren]

I am someone that gets stuck on finding solutions. You have all eloquently described a problem, and one that I happen to agree with. I have felt for a long time that there is not enough integration between the concepts of attachment parenting and the adoption community. I can also see that Mothering as a magazine is in a 'niche' that I'm guessing from a business standpoint it makes sense for them to stay in. The reason for this I'm guessing, is that there is no other publication out there that consistently focuses on natural birth, breastfeeding, etc. Other mags may have an occasional 'novelty' issue on these topics but Mothering is the only one with consistency. So, even though I know nothing about the magazine industry, I'm guessing that this is the niche they need to fill, and this is the demographic that sells magazines, and if they don't sell magazines, Mothering ceases to exist.

But I also know that Peggy has been supportive around the adoption issue in personal correspondence, and I think she would probably be very receptive to your thoughts.

Because I am always looking for solutions, rather than staying focused on the problem, here's an idea. How about if you all jointly write a paper letter to Peggy. Someone could draft it and all of you could electronically sign it. The drafter could cut and paste right out of this thread. I think sending it through the mail might get it more focus (just a hunch), or perhaps you could send it both ways. A resource list of good writers on adoption could be included to make the job easier, and perhaps even an article or two. The Living Treasure section could be about someone that is a great attachment parenting/adoption advocate, that all of you suggest.

I'm just thinking off the top of my head. Again, I have never run a magazine, but I know as a manager, a new idea is more likely to happen if people actually prepare a proposal with steps and some of the legwork done already, than when people offer feedback about a problem with no action steps or creative solutions.

These are just my rambling thoughts this morning. You all have some wonderful thoughts and ideas, and I wouldn't want to see them just stay here in this thread!

[BCFD]

I know you said it half in jest, BCFD, but any interest for real?

I would love to, but with 3 children under the age of 26 months I can barely get online to read this board! LOL!! I have thought about sending stuff to Adoptive Families.

[BCFD]

Originally Posted by dharmamama

but I would like a NFL/AP magazine that doesn't constantly hold up the bio family model as the norm/ideal and that deals with more than pregnancy/birth issues.

Namaste!

Yep, I agree.

[BCFD]

Originally Posted by Tigeresse

but I have been told by some that they would not adopt if they could not breastfeed. That makes me sad. It is not the be-all end-all of good parenting. My dd has taught me that.

It doesn't make me sad at all. What that says to me is that those people shouldn't be adopting children. There are plenty of families out there that WANT children and will love them as if they were pushed out of their own bodies (my 3 children for example!). Breastfeeding didn't even enter my mind....I wanted to be a mommy. So, good...more children for us to love!!

[Starr]

I have also heard people say that they would not adopt a baby boy if the child was already circed. There are so many AP things that we as adoptive parents can not choose, my daughter was already vaxed before I got her, that I feel excluded from even mentioning it. It isn't the childs fault. There are a few topics I would love to see covered more in depth, just from the adoption perception like

*Babywearing-But highlight what slings and carriers each country uses and compae it to one that is similar here in the US. Also talk about the positive attachment that you get while baby wearing.

*Co-sleeping- How some babies are used to this and ways to make it easier on you. My daughter was a pro at co sleeping, but I wasn't. It was hard for me to make the transition.

*Gentle Disclipne- Again more from the adoption view of how to discipline a child that just joined your family.

There are more. I can't justify a subscription to mothering because I feel like such a small percentage of it applies to me. I would love it if they showed more non traditional families, multi-racial, same sex, adoptive... Not just the typical biological family with 2.5 kids, you know? Also, and I'm not sure, but in November for Nat'l Adoption Awareness Month was there any emphasis on adoption? Just some things to consider. I love sharing my adoption story and how we became a fmaily, I do not like putting my story out there and opening myself up for debate and why we formula feed and do other non AP things.

[Laurel]

Lauren wrote:

I can also see that Mothering as a magazine is in a 'niche' that I'm guessing from a business standpoint it makes sense for them to stay in. The reason for this I'm guessing, is that there is no other publication out there that consistently focuses on natural birth, breastfeeding, etc.

I don't think Mothering has to back off from these things at all in order to reach out to adoptive parents. It doesn't offend me that Mothering is so heavy on these topics because I expect it to be that way. I just think that even with emphasizing these important topics, there is still room to branch out and have plenty of articles that can be applicable to many different kinds of parents and still heavily promote AP/NFL. Even breastfeeding articles can include mention of induced lactation (while being careful to note that it is not possible or advisable in every adoption situation). Any article that is not about pregnancy, birth or bf'ing can be written in a way that acknowledges the existence of adoptive parenting. As people have mentioned, articles on babywearing, co-sleeping, gentle discipline, etc. can all make mention of adoption. These are all topics that have been addressed in adoptive parent magazines such as Adoptive Families. And many mothers, not just adoptive, have expressed that they would like to see Mothering offer things to people whose children are past the baby/toddler stage.

If an article is strictly relating the author's personal experience, then I wouldn't expect to see adoption mentioned. But if the article is intending to educate readers on a particular subject, then I just think that good authors will assume that some of the readers will have adopted...adoption is becoming so much more common.

I personally don't feel the need to have numerous articles specifically about adoption, with the exception that I think National Adoption Month ought to be recognized by the magazine by having a series of relevant articles in that issue.

[pumpkingirl71]

Originally Posted by lauren

Because I am always looking for solutions, rather than staying focused on the problem, here's an idea. How about if you all jointly write a paper letter to Peggy. Someone could draft it and all of you could electronically sign it. The drafter could cut and paste right out of this thread. I think sending it through the mail might get it more focus (just a hunch), or perhaps you could send it both ways.

I hope this doesn't sound catty, but why isn't this thread enough? I can't imagine putting formal effort into a letter to Mothering, maybe because I have already decided they are not interested in me. I am really not that hopeful that there is a solution.

[BCFD]

Originally Posted by pumpkingirl71

I hope this doesn't sound catty, but why isn't this thread enough? I can't imagine putting formal effort into a letter to Mothering, maybe because I have already decided they are not interested in me. I am really not that hopeful that there is a solution.

Lauren, I have to agree with this. I just cancelled my gift subscription yesterday and told the woman that I was so deeply disappointed by this publication that I don't even want it in my mailbox. The woman I spoke to didn't even ask, "Oh my goodnes...what happened?" She was definitely an employee of Mothering and not some random mag subscription house. Her lack of non-caring really surprised me because I was all ready to discuss the lack of adoptive mothering. She just said, "Your friend will get a refund" and that was that. I was stunned.

Laurel, you said exactly what I feel and couldn't put it in more eloquent words.

[Momma Aimee]

I know this thread is a little old

but i totally agree with you

We have not yet adopted and I feel Mothering doesn't address OUR needs as well as it could either.

What about a peice on choosing a good adgency, or adgenies that are known for being AP

what about a perice on co-sleeping, AP, extended BF of a bio child and the home study?

what about a peice on inducing lactation for an adopted baby?

What about a peice on dealing with nay-sayers (your child doersn't look like you...)

and there are a lot of other topics

One adoption related peice each issue would be good.

like the OP sais the Mag is called MOTHERING, not BIRTHING

Personally I get tired of the home birth peices...... (just me)

[Sarahbunny]

[QUOTE=Starr;7214572]I have also heard people say that they would not adopt a baby boy if the child was already circed.
[QUOTE]

What?!? Really? That makes me very very sad.

[tiffani]

Originally Posted by lauren

I had long been aware of attachment concepts as a parent but saw that there was little integration between the attachment parenting world and the post-adoptive attachment world.

I know what you mean by this -- I have always practiced "attachment parenting" and feel really well-equipped for parenting adopted children because of this. In the adoption community, there is a lot of talk about attachment, and many adoption professionals know and convey that it isn't something that happens in the beginning and then it's done, but this is still how many, many adoptive parents seem to view attachment. I suspect that this is because most "attachment parents" do a lot of reading about the subject, and truly LIVE it, whereas many adoptive parents, who run the gamut from crunchy to mainstream to conservative, seem to be only aware of attachment as "the child doesn't cry when it sees me", or "yes, we love each other." Does this make sense? I'm consistently surprised by adoptive parents who seem basically clueless about what attachment really is, in large part, I think, because AP is still pretty fringe.

Recently I was at an adoption seminar, and being the only participant (besides the facilitator) who had ever parented, I did a lot of talking , and found that a lot of my attachment ideas were totally foreign concepts to many of the prospective adoptive parents -- most of them seemed open to the ideas I presented, because adoptive parents have the added bonus of being forced to actually *think* about attachment, whereas many bio families just assume it happened in the first week, and they're done.

So yes, I agree, that the discussion about "attachment" in adoption, and "attachment parenting" are often not one and the same. But of course, they should be!

Originally Posted by Tigeresse

Lots of our friends we inspired by our adoption, but I have been told by some that they would not adopt if they could not breastfeed.

At the beginning of our adoption journey, I sort of felt the same way about this issue, and do plan to breastfeed our adopted children, but if it doesn't work out, I won't be heartbroken. I do wonder how I will calm a tantruming two year old without boobie, though! I think that for parents who have had bf'ing in their toolbelt, it seems like you wouldn't be a total parent to a child you weren't bf'ing -- but the more you think about adoption, and hear other people's stories and grow more and more able to envision yourself as a parent to an adopted child, you realize that they will be your child, and you will bond just as completely, whether they bf or not.

During a discussion about parenting babies/toddlers again, my MIL said "hey, at least you won't have to breastfeed these two" Little does she know....

[tiffani]

sorry, I just realized how totally off topic my post was

but now I have an idea for that article I've always wanted to write for mothering mag!

I don't subscribe to the magazine anymore either, just because there are other mags I feel are more relevant to our lives now, like growing without schooling, etc. Adoptive Families seems a little too mainstream for my tastes, but I do read it at the library.

I do still think mothering magazine is a great resource for new parents, adoptive or biologically created -- but if I were to read it as a new adoptive parent I would probably have a different opinion...