Hi 6 plussers! I haven't posted here in a while, but I got a lovely little note from Angel1985 reminding us graduates to come check in on you! (Probably no one here remembers me, but I started the thread last year and was the first to get pregnant - moral of the story: go start a new TTC thread! ) After what seemed like an eternity TTC, I'm now almost 36 weeks pregnant, meaning I am almost 'term' and am good to go for my homebirth anytime after Wednesday.
So, reflections from pregnancy after 6+ months TTC. They say everything in life is a journey. How true. I can clearly remember the frustration, anger, depression, and hurt of TTC. I remember the days when AF would arrive, the times when we didn't time our BD perfectly, and the huge emotional ups and downs and breath-holding of every LP. I hated that feeling of another month wasted. Every month I would figure out what my EDD would be if that cycle was finally it and I would of course start thinking of what our lives would be like with a baby born that month. It was almost as if I went through a mourning period with each AF, mourning the plans that weren't to be.
But fast forward a million years and now here I am, on the cusp of birthing a baby. And I have to say that for all the pain and disappointment of all those lost cycles, I honestly couldn't imagine going through this any other way. This little one inside me is exactly the right person at the right time, not only for our family, but for himself and his plans for this world too. And I know that when he arrives, that mythical August baby, the October baby that I really wanted, and so on won't matter at all. What we will have will be exactly what is right for us. The hurt of the whole TTC process is gone. In fact, I think having gone through the long wait to get here helps me appreciate each little thing more.
So that's what things are looking like on the other side of the fence for me. I do wish that this thread was empty and that all of you were enjoying the beautiful pregnancies that you have wanted for so long. I know how much the waiting sucks.
The only sage piece of advice that I have to give you all is to let go. Now I know this is easier said then done (especially maybe coming from a pregnant woman), but I really believe there is something to this. Look deep inside yourselves and try to pinpoint that one (or four) little thing that is holding you back. What is the source of your frustration within the whole TTC framework? Is it your age, the timing, the age difference between your kids, the loss of the way you envisioned this would go? Find that thing, work through your feelings about it, and let it go. But you have to let it go for real - not in a just saying so and trying to fool the universe into pitying you sort of way (doesn't work like that, trust me ). For me, I finally realized that I was really holding onto the idea of a little girl. I wanted a dd so badly that I had closed myself off to the option of accepting the spirit that wanted to come to us, whatever gender s/he wanted to be. And now look who is having a boy.
The cycle that I got pregnant was the first cycle where I was honestly ok with not having another kid. I found other things in my life that needed attention, things that I wanted to do for myself as my own person. I went out drinking all night, inhaled a ton of smoke, and ate a bunch of crappy food right before O - things I would never have done any other cycle and I enjoyed every second of it. We made love because we both wanted to instead of preforming the BD duty because FF said it was time. I let go fully and completely and then it happened.
Ok, I didn't realize this was turning into a novel! I wish all of you the best of luck in your journeys. Remember to take the time to take care of yourselves. Clear a space in your heads where you think about something other than TTC that you enjoy and immerse yourselves in that. And know that your baby spirits are each trying to find you as much as you are trying to find them. It might not happen how or when you expected it to, but it will happen.
Oh, and PS - If the bfp list is going in chronological order, your should switch Arwyn and Didkisa. (I got mine first but waited for bloodwork before calling it and Arwyn called hers in the meantime.) And Willzmama is on your TTC list but she is 24 weeks and due in May! I think she stopped posting for a while and probably forgot to come back and update.