Originally Posted by Greensleeves
And I feel like they are saying, 'Yes, we want you to act as prop pieces in the wedding procession, and look cute in the pictures, and then disappear, we don't care how.'
I would feel that way too. I would either tell her that I didn't want my girls to be flower girls, or I'd just go to the wedding and skip the reception altogether.
This next part might sound judgmental, so feel free to ignore.
It seems odd to me that she would ask such young children to be in the wedding party when we all know that that is rather hit or miss as toddlers can be rather unpredictable. So maybe she is prepared to deal with that, or maybe she has unrealistic expectations. I would be worried about that and ask.
I think that receptions rather than ceremonies are easier for children, at least in my experience. So I wonder if it is a matter of logisitics and numbers of place settings and all that, and she is trying to save on the price and keep the numbers down for space reasons, and thought that excluding kids is the most sensible thing. I don't know.
In any event, I would not want to spend the money it would take to outfit my kids for the wedding if I couldn't enjoy the celebration afterwards. It would feel like they were being used as cute props and not because they are family. I do understand the need for adults to have a fun space without the worry of kids, but I honestly think it is up to the parents to determine what their kids can handle and monitor the situation.
When my sister got married two years ago, she asked me to be a bridesmaid and my 5.5 year old to be the flower girl. I made sure that kids would be allowed at the reception because I wasn't going to fly all of us back, get a hotel, get bridesmaid and flowergirl dresses and then have to skip a big part of the celebration because I had no babysitter. Now truthfully, I wouldn't have minded getting a babysitter for my 14 month old, but all my nieces/nephews who could babysit were at the wedding so there was no one available.