Originally Posted by Caroline248
What would you do if you had a child that was not reasonable? A child that for whatever reason does not set limits for himself? My oldest has no self-discipline. I have always let him make choices, decisions, etc. He almost never makes a good one. He is the kid that if let to his own devices will eat everything in sight until he pukes, stay up until he has a massive headache, and play video games all day.
I believe, in theory, that children should be able to make many choices in their life on their own, but what to do about this type of child?
I'm not Candice obviously, but I'll give this a shot, as I think I have a reasonable understanding of what CL is (and isn't).
As far as I understand from what I've read on the GD board, consensual living is living cooperatively with your child so that *mutually agreeable* solutions are reached when there is a difference encountered. I believe that families that live this way do believe that their children are able to reach rational decisions if given the proper information, options, etc. about a situation, AND the opportunity to potentially experience the various "consequences" of different choices (like being exhausted for school after staying up too late, a stomachache after eating too much junk, etc. - though I'm sure they would draw the line at choices that would result in serious injury or harm to the child or someone else - you know, being considerate of self and others - then again, they believe that children are rational and won't usually choose to do things that would seriously harm themselves or others).
Soooo, it wouldn't be that you just let your son eat everything in sight until he puked, you'd have ongoing discussions about what he wanted, vs. what you wanted, and find a way that both of you would be happy with the result. Maybe it would be that you find a healthier food and let him eat as much of that as he wants; he might learn a lesson about stomachaches if he has too much and learn why it's not a good idea. Or any number of combinations of what might be agreeable to both of you - that's the key - the solution is agreeable to the child AND the parent. So it's not letting your child do whatever they want, because that's not always agreeable to the parent.
Please, Candice, correct me if I'm wrong.