40 day meditation, need reinforcement

[oatmeal]

I have started my 40 day meditation three times now. I had a lot more faith in myself for perseverence than this! I need to meditate 11 minutes and do the energy exercise afterwards for 40 days in a row without a break. Every time I miss a day I have to start over from one. I am breaking old karma according ot hte meditation.

Today is day 3. I am going off to complete the task now before DD wakes from morning nap. Keep me going ladies!

Thanks!

(anyone else doing something like this please join in for moral support!

[faeriemom]

Keep going Oatmeal!! You can do this!

I haven't done a 40 day meditation myself, but I hear that they are life-changing. If you don't mind me asking...was your meditation prescribed by a guru? Is it in any way related to Yogi Bhajan or 3HO?

I ask because I study a form of yoga that works with the kundalini and is inspired (in some ways) by Yogi Bhajan's teachings. I know they recommend the 40 day meditation and can even send you a personalized meditation to follow. I've been thinking seriously about trying it.

Anyway, GOOD LUCK! Try not to think about the whole 40 days, just take it one day at a time. And breathe!

[oatmeal]

Yes it is Yogi Bhajan

The Ganpati Kriya: sat ta nam ma ra ma da sa sa se so hung

I imagine I am failing at day 5 or 6 because a change is beginning and I am subconsciously resisting it.

Tomorrow will be day 4. I will check in.

And i do very much hope for a dramatic change in me!

[oatmeal]

day 4 mission accomplished

[faeriemom]

Congrats on making it to day 5!

I understand what you mean about feeling the changes and then finding yourself resisting them. I've done the same thing in my own personal practice. The yoga I follow is very "powerful," (for lack of a better word) and I find myself afraid sometimes as I begin to open spiritually. Even though the changes are positive, they're still changes....and change can be a scary thing.

I hope you'll keep posting here each day as you complete your meditation. And I'd love to hear any insights you uncover as you go through this, if you'd like to share. I'll keep checking in to see how you're doing!

....maybe I'll start my 40 day meditation too...what am I waiting for?

namaste,

faeriemom

[oatmeal]

barely made day 5 and I am wondering if I can count it. The day got away of course and I found myself trying to meditate coherently at 11 at night while aleady half asleep. Does that count?

right around this time is when I hit this weird invisible wall. I hope if I get past say day 10 it willbe smoother sailing.

Will check in later. Faerie - why don't you start one?!

[Gemini]

Very cool Oatmeal! Keep it up!!

I'm intrigued! Where can I get more information about this?? Do you have to be doing something else before trying this? I do like yoga, but have a hard time fitting it into my life. (maybe less MDC???: ) But my young one is getting older, so I'll be able to do more things in time.

[Gemini]

Oops! Double post, then my computer locked up, so I couldn't correct my boo-boo right away!

[oatmeal]

Well this was day 6. Observing that i become very sleepy right after the meditation and want to go to sleep. This could be only because I am the mother of a 15 month old who still does not sleep through the night, I don't know!

LJM - I am happy to post my meditation here or you can also visit www.goldenbridgeyoga.com and see how to contact them for your own personal meditation. Let me know if you need assistance!

[oatmeal]

Day 7 done

More energizing today, feel more at peace.

No great observations or big feelings.

[dharmama]

Keep up the great work oatmeal!

I teach yoga and meditate regularly (not every day though) and I am so intrigued by your experience. Please keep posting!

Peace,
Erin

[oatmeal]

day 8.

Lots of busy buys thoughts colliding in my mind during the whole meditation. Amazing that they can still run rampant while I am chanting and pressing my fingers. I didn't know I was that dexterous!! Getting a calm mind is a true feat for me, today it did not happen.

Looking forward to the 20 day mark. If I make it that far without having to start over - how cool.

[oatmeal]

Hitting a wall. It's already nearly evening and haven't calmed down enough to accomplish day 9. Major spiritual fatigue and chaos inside today. Had upheaval with guy I've been dating - he's still a little too close to his recent ex and it's really upsetting me. A lot of comparisons inside of me: she's prettier, richer, smarter (speaks 5 languages!) sexier- whatever - than me. A lot of self torture.

I have not been able to settle down and go inside. Meditation is difficult for me when I am uncomfortable with myself - going inside is intimacy with one's self, isn't it? I am abandoning myself today in favor of being unhappy. I refuse to be at peace.

I hope to come in here again before I go to bed for th night with news that I have achieved day 9...

Thanks.

[Gemini]

It sounds like you're being very honest with yourself about your feeling today!

I wish you good luck working through your issues this evening...

I hope you get through it! Keep up the good work! You're doing great!

I'd love to talk about this more with you oatmeal! I'm going on a short vacation and won't be back til Monday, so good luck this weekend!

[faeriemom]

Oatmeal -- I find your honesty refreshing and extremely healthy. Not everyone can see these things about themselves, let alone openly admit it to themselves. I think that's a sign of emotional and spiritual maturity.

I'm sorry that those issues have interrupted your meditation though. I hope that you were able to find a little peace last night to complete day 9.

Isn't it amazing how our subconscious mind sabotages us whenever we are on the path to enlightenment and bliss? The subconscious is the ego, of course. And the ego is used to running the show. Whenever we're close to killing the ego (or at least putting it in its place), it begins to panic and does whatever it can to hang onto its control over us. I think that's why people find that so many of their issues, so much of their baggage, comes roaring to the surface when they begin a serious spiritual practice. It's definitely a struggle to get through that sometimes. It's hard to face these long-held thoughts and habits and get out from under their grip. Unhappiness can be addictive.

It sounds like you are doing a great job though. I hope you don't have to start over. But even if you do, I know you'll make it to day 40.

I love reading the insights you're sharing. Thank you for posting them.

I am going to do my own 40 day meditation. I don't think I'm going to get one from Golden Bridge or Yogi Bhajan though. I've decided to ask my personal guru for one, as she knows me and always seems to give me exactly what I need, when I need it!

You have inspired me to get moving on this though! Thank you for that!

faeriemom

P.S. BTW, I love the Golden Bridge web site. And Gurmukh!! She's incredible. Have you read her book, The Eight Human Talents? It's one of my all time favorite yoga books. I'm on my third reading of it right now!

[oatmeal]

Well I did fail f aeriemom. After my post yesterday I thought about losing my time a couple more times, but I consciously let it slip away. This caused me quite a bit of pain I must say. Disappointment in myself; thoughts that I will never have the spiritual strength to deal with and overcome the demons I see to be keeping me back from bliss in my life.

Then I read your post this morning and I realize that the failing now for the 4th time tells me a great deal about who I am. I abandon myself. I feel that I am not worth keeping up for, and certainly my ego does not want me to be free of the hiderances this meditation is designed to dissolve. In a weird way, this gives me a sliver of hope, that liberation is nearer with the realization of these subtle forces inside of me that are dragging me down and stopping my progress.

In spiritual maturity, the kind that I wish to have, I could face the perceived "torments" of yesterday with a quietude and remain true to myself and maintain my meditation. This is what I am looking for. The nobility and spiritual depth to really know and trust that I am indominable and infinite inside, and the letdowns of the outside world are only temporary and mean quite little in the scheme of things.

I am hoping to start over today. Once again I am hoping to make it through in one go to day 40.

I look forward to hearing about your meditation and what your guru will come up with for you to practice!!

[L.J.]

Good for you for making it to day 9. When you first posted you were getting stuck at 4 or 5 and now you pushed past it. That's an accomplishment. Celebrate small victories too.

[faeriemom]

Your post was beautiful Oatmeal! And I don't think you failed. You may not have made it to day 40, but you've learned a lot at day 8. Besides, L.J. is right, this time you made it twice as far as you did last time. I think you'll get even further now that you're starting over.

Regarding spiritual growth, it's strange, but I think the harder it is, the more it's working. If it's too easy perhaps we're not going deep enough. If we find ourselves struggling, and facing mental & emotional obstacles along the way, it's a sign that the subconscious mind is being forced to let go of its negative thoughts and habits. Like I said before, when we begin destroying the ego it fights back. The struggle is in the ego trying to retain its hold. The ego is what tells us that we're not worthy of happiness, or that meditation is silly, or that we've got other things to do that are more important. The ego is what keeps us clinging to what we know and resisting change, even if the change is for the better.

Anyway, I will let you know when I start my meditation. I'm going to see my teacher next week.

faeriemom

[Gemini]

Hello Oatmeal! (love that username btw!)

How are you feeling now?? It's been a few days. Have you been able to start again?

I am feeling this striking a cord with me before I even know much about this meditation stuff!! I find the dialogue between you and faeriemom touching me because I 'get' what you are talking about, I really do. I can relate to sabataging your own personal growth for sure!

I wish you luck in working out what is plaguing you. Can't ever be easy, can it? Must be what the 40 day meditation is all about. I wonder if anyone has made it through the first time, when I think about it, I'd be surprised. I'll just have to tell myself I'll go through it 100 times before getting through it fully or I'll stop before I even start! Persiverance!! (sp?)

Take care! Looking forward to hearing from you again!

[faeriemom]

Yes Oatmeal, how's it going? Have you started again?

I'm going to see my teacher either tonight or tomorrow night. If so, I'll start my meditation this week. I'll let you know!

Hope everyone had a nice weekend --

faeriemom