Oatmeal -- I find your honesty refreshing and extremely healthy. Not everyone can see these things about themselves, let alone openly admit it to themselves. I think that's a sign of emotional and spiritual maturity.
I'm sorry that those issues have interrupted your meditation though. I hope that you were able to find a little peace last night to complete day 9.
Isn't it amazing how our subconscious mind sabotages us whenever we are on the path to enlightenment and bliss? The subconscious is the ego, of course. And the ego is used to running the show. Whenever we're close to killing the ego (or at least putting it in its place), it begins to panic and does whatever it can to hang onto its control over us. I think that's why people find that so many of their issues, so much of their baggage, comes roaring to the surface when they begin a serious spiritual practice. It's definitely a struggle to get through that sometimes. It's hard to face these long-held thoughts and habits and get out from under their grip. Unhappiness can be addictive.
It sounds like you are doing a great job though. I hope you don't have to start over. But even if you do, I know you'll make it to day 40.
I love reading the insights you're sharing. Thank you for posting them.
I am going to do my own 40 day meditation. I don't think I'm going to get one from Golden Bridge or Yogi Bhajan though. I've decided to ask my personal guru for one, as she knows me and always seems to give me exactly what I need, when I need it!
You have inspired me to get moving on this though! Thank you for that!
P.S. BTW, I love the Golden Bridge web site. And Gurmukh!!
She's incredible. Have you read her book, The Eight Human Talents? It's one of my all time favorite yoga books. I'm on my third reading of it right now!