Does DH's circed penis bother you?

[Bellita]

I hadn't given circumcision too much serious thought until I found out I am having a boy in May. I read up on the procedure, and I am adamantly anti-circ now. DH is circumcised, and now when I see his penis it makes me so mad that his mother did that to him. Before I just thought of it as "a normal penis," and now I can't help thinking of it as mangled and scarred and how it might have looked had he not been circed.
Does anyone else feel the same way? How do you set aside those feelings?

[Guest*]

When I first was enlightened to the horror of circ, I did feel bad for DH. He felt bad for a while, too. But what's done was done and we can't dwell on it and he's not interested in restoration, so I really don't think about it anymore.

I'm more emotional about my son...so often I change his diaper and am SO HAPPY that I learned the truth and didn't put him through the pain of a mutilating circ. He's perfect just the way he is.

[Treece]

It's hard to set aside those feelings. But you must remember that your dh had absolutely no choice in the matter, and now he can give your son what he never had. He may not want to but you're mama bear and you must stand your ground. I told my bf that if we got serious and had kids that no way would any boy be circed, and I did this before we even kissed. So, I'm in a unique position, he knows how I feel and that I don't judge him.

Your job is to not judge your husband, and ask that he research it since it's not necessary. There are some excellent links (I don't have any on my computer....yet) I'm sure you can find them or someone will be more tahn happy to give them to you. If he says the "look like dad" argument, say your son may not look like dad anyway, his hair may be different, his eyes different, even skin tone (esp in a interracial couple). He won't have any of daddy's tattoos, peircings, or scars. He won't be exactly the same height or weight, and a child's penis (even circed) does NOT resmeble an adult penis.

Good luck, and just remember you love him and his penis is what it is.

[mothragirl]

yes, especially because i've been with intact men and i know what i'm missing out on.

[travisandjill]

Yes...I hate his parents

[buckeyedoc]

I don't dwell on it. I have never been with an intact man growing up in the Midwest in the 1970s-1990s. I suspect it would be great (and so does DH), but hey, it's not DH's fault he's circumcised since it wasn't his decision. In most cases, you can work around it to have a really good sexual relationship anyway IMO.

[ndunn]

:

[eclipse]

It doesn't bother me in the sense that I get revolted to see it or anything, but it does make me angry that our culture made it okay to do it to him. I'm not upset with his parents for it (for many, many, MANY other things,but not for this) because it was just part of life 36 years ago when dh was born - mothers were told so many lies about it, and there was so little access to information about it. My mother circed my older brother any would have had me circ'd (despite the protests of my apparently intact father - the only good thing he ever tried to do for me ) had I been a male. She would have had me circ'd because her only experience with an intact male was my father, and he constantly had infections. She didn't realize at the time that this was likely because he was an alcoholic with hygiene problems and not related to his status. Anyhow, I get a lot more upset about mothers from our generation continuing the cycle, even when faced with all the evidence against it, than I do with mothers from the past.

[guestmama9908]

It never bothered me before I learned the truth about circ.

Now it makes me kinda sad. I feel bad that he never had what was rightfully his. I feel doubly bad that my poor boy's wife is going to be in the same position because of what I did to him. :

Then it makes me peeved as all get out at my MIL and FIL. Especially after bringing up the issue with the MIL and her comment. "I just don't think men need to be carrying all that extra cr*p around" :

[Lula's Mom]

Yes, it does. :

[AimeeandBrian]

Since I started researching circumcision, I have had to be sooo careful with my wording. I have accidentally said that I thought circumcisions were ugly etc. around DH (after seeing my best friend's newborn's circumcised penis, not DH's) He already is angry enough about it that I do not want him to feel bad about himself. I just want to hold him because I feel so sad for him and mad at his parents.

[LoveChild421]

Originally Posted by mothragirl

yes, especially because i've been with intact men and i know what i'm missing out on.

:

[ElliesMomma]

i believe that i've read that hospitals used to perform circumcisions without parental consent from the 50's to the 70's. i stated that to him, and i try to keep that in mind so that i won't judge his parents too harshly.

[Daisyuk]

Yes, but I came from a viewpoint of "OMG you do WHAT to babies"? Closely followed by "That's SICK" and "Do you do it to women too" - yep, all tact straight out the window with the shock.


I hate his parents for doing that to him.

[DocsNemesis]

Yep, it bugs me. I see his penis and see it scarred and not right looking like ds's. But more than that, it really bugs me that he has sexual issues and I dont really enjoy having sex with him and that just sucks. I too know what I am missing out on

[Fi.]

Even when I was pro-circ I always felt something was different about his penis than the other (cut) guys I had slept with. And there was. He was EXTREMELY tight cut and the other guys were looser. And I always knew it was something physical about their penises that made them more comfortable, but I honestly thought it was just size. And once I learned about circumcision, yeah I found out that wasn't exactly the case and allllll the pieces fell together. It wasn't size at all, it was friction. He's now restoring and yeah, not to violate the UA but I can see why some women are size queens (although I will never be! I don't discriminate based on something out of your control )

[gottaknit]

It didn't bother me before we had DS. Then I felt sorry for him and angry at his parents. And now I am so used to seeing DS's intact penis several times a day, that when I see DH's it grosses me out and I avert my eyes. I would never tell him this, of course.

[phatchristy]

Yes I am. There's something about knowing too much, I can see the scarring (he even has suture holes : ). I kind of woner if they did him twice or something...it's uneven, and one part has suture holes, the others do not. Seeing the nearly completely missing frenulum makes me sad as well.

I try not to think about it, it is a big turn off. : : : I try not to even look at it flaccid. It just looks so wrong.

Starting restoration has helped immensely eliminate some negative sensations I used to think were "normal" for sex. Nope, they were only normal for sex with a tightly circ'd man. Now that things are looser, it's much more comfortable, and we even can feel some gliding. Still a ways to go with restoration, but things have improved.

[trmpetplaya]

love and peace.

[stever_45723]

[QUOTE=phatchristy;7192294]Yes I am. There's something about knowing too much, I can see the scarring (he even has suture holes : ). I kind of woner if they did him twice or something...it's uneven, and one part has suture holes, the others do not. Seeing the nearly completely missing frenulum makes me sad as well.

How old was your husband when he was circumcised? Why was he circumcised? Apparently he wasn't at birth because there wouldn't have been suture holes if he ahd been RICed.