Does DH's circed penis bother you? - Page 2

[~Megan~]

Well, there are times when I see the scar line and for a moment a picture comes in my head about what happened to him as an infant. I know his parents were essentially indoctrinated to believe it was in his best interest so they did it because they thought it was best. Circumcision was not the only way his mom failed to parent him in what I would consider the best way but again, they only did what they could do based on the knowledge and support they had at the time.

However, when people do it now, at this time, I feel much more strongly since they have the opportunity to get information and should at least know there is a debate about it, in the 70s there wasn't a debate and real info was harder to come by.

[MsElle07]

No, not at all. His parents were doing what they thought was best, what everyone did back then. When you know better, you do better. This is true of everything in life.

It doesn't affect my enjoyment (or his), and there's no point in dwelling on it. I can't go back and change the fact that his mother didn't BF him, either. I can't fault him or make him feel bad for something he had no control over.

[Jane]

Another "Not at all".

[riverscout]

Nope, it doesn't bother me or him. It is part of him, it is part of who he is, and it is beautiful scars and all. He is an amazing lover and we have no problems in that department. Even if it quit working, this man would know how to please the ladies if you know what I mean. I am upset with his mom about a lot of things, but circing her sons isn't one of them. She and his dad didn't know any better at the time. We would not circ our sons if we had any though because we do know better now.

[gottaknit]

I'd like to think DH's parents didn't know any better, but DH has a little brother 27 years younger (his dad had a much younger 2nd wife), and he's circ'd, too. And he's only 10 years old.

Dh's sister's son was also circ'd, on the advice of my inlaws (did I mention they are an MD and an NP?), so she "won't have to deal with the maintenance issue". :

So while RIC may have been the norm in the 60's, I think a lot of parents out there would still have it done today, given the choice to re-do it.

[MsElle07]

Regardless of whether they would make the same decision, it doesn't bother me. It was not his choice to make -- it was made for him. And I can't hold him responsible for that. I can't imagine if my husband held me responsible for something that was so clearly not my fault -- for a decision my parents made when I was a child. That would hurt.

[BetsyNY]

Nope, not at all.

[eightyferrettoes]

Yes, it kind of does. But, what's done is done; his parents just did what the docs said was necessary.

It's the unquestioning, accepting attitude they have toward "authority" that irks me more than the actual circumcision.

Not that I'm cool with that, either, if I could go back to that day and demand that they not slice him up, I would.

My feelings about it are complicated, but mostly negative.

[ferretfan]

unfortunately yes

i'm originally from the uk, where routine circ is unheard of. i see scarring on dh's penis, how shrivelled and dry the glans look and i, like others have said, dont much like to see it.

i'm mad at his parents, and his sister for circing her three boys (nothing more upsetting than seeing a purple penis on a young boy), for no reason other than "it's just what is done". what bugs me the most about dh's family is that they're all raised catholic and tend to see beauty in the things 'g-d' created. well if g-d created your sons so beautifully, why the heck did you lop off a part of their anatomy without consulting them first GRRRRRRRRRRR

if our next child is a boy, you'd better believe he's gonna be as intact as our daughter

[A&A]

Originally Posted by jlpolzin

When I first was enlightened to the horror of circ, I did feel bad for DH. He felt bad for a while, too. But what's done was done and we can't dwell on it and he's not interested in restoration, so I really don't think about it anymore.

I'm more emotional about my son...so often I change his diaper and am SO HAPPY that I learned the truth and didn't put him through the pain of a mutilating circ. He's perfect just the way he is.

:

[KMK_Mama]

Yes.:

Whenever I see his scar I get sad about what we are missing out on. I wish he had an intact penis.

I told him last night that I am going to buy him a TLC tugger for Valentines Day and he said OK! I was semi-joking. I will eventually, but we don't have the $$ right now.

[kaleidoscopeeyes]

I have been with more intact men than circed, so sometimes I wonder what dbf would be like if he was still intact. I love all of him though, and honestly his circ is one of the better ones I've seen, not much scar and there is actually a bit of the foreskin left.

He has an idea about how I feel re: circ though and I don't THINK he'd have too much of a problem with leaving a son intact (should we ever have one). What's sad is when I started thinking about him being as a potential mate, I did feel sad that he was circ'ed just because it's not something I want to fight about and I am ADAMANT that no son of mine ever be cut. Never.

My mom left it up to my dad whether my brother was since "he has a penis and would know more about it han me>" Um no. So he can disagree if he wants but I will not relent on that point. Hopefully I can persuade him with evidance rather than having to just say no.

[TwinMom]

Yes, it bothers me, but I would never let him know that. I have been with one intact man and I don't remember much (I was a teenager), but I read up on it in The Joy of Sex or something, so that I kind of knew that it was different. I wish I could say that it was magically more or better or something, but really, as a teenager, they were all the same to me.

As an aside, when we did not circ our first son, dh said something like, "Oh, he had to be poked and prodded so much in the hospital (emergency cs and nicu stay though he was 9.5 pounds & full-term), there's no way we could do that," even though we had already decided that we wouldn't to it. To my surprise MIL said that she was glad and said that she wouldn't have had it done to dh but her mom insisted that she do it. This was a third child, born to a 31-year old woman, but she let her mom bully her into it. Actually, she also mentioned to me at a different time that a nurse just came and took dh for his circumcision without even mentioning to her that it was being done, she thought he was being changed or whatever, and then he was brought back circumcised. This was in 1973, btw. When I had the first boy, I told every nurse and doctor who came into the room that he wasn't to be circumcised. The second son was a homebirth, so of course there wasn't any worry about it all.

[phatchristy]

Originally Posted by stever_45723

[How old was your husband when he was circumcised? Why was he circumcised? Apparently he wasn't at birth because there wouldn't have been suture holes if he ahd been RICed.

As far as he knew he was an infant. He doesn't remember anything else. There are only suture holes on one area, just below where the frenulum area was. The other parts the scar is just a brown line. That area has a lot of thick padded skin as well. It kind of makes me wonder if it initially didn't heal right and then later on some doc went in free hand : . I've seen pictures of circ'd penises with suture holes so I know that is what they are.

We were both born and raised in the heart of the midwest...probably way over a 90% circ rate in the hospital. My own mom told me that they automatically circ'd my brother at the same hospital (6 years before) and my dad was intact (he passed on now) and they were not in favor of circumcision.