playgroup from hell- vent

[MarthaT]

So my son Jack and I recently went to a new playgroup through one of the mom's clubs in the area. This one met in a community center. When we arrived a very nice woman who had organized it was there with her two kids and there was another woman with her child. Soon thereafter more people arrived. All of the sudden the organizer's child started vomiting. She didn't appear distressed or sick but vomited several times. Her mom was embarrassed and tried her best to clean up while both her kids started to get upset and had vomit on their clothing. At one point she had both her kids half naked and was trying to get them out the door to put them in the car. No one in the group offered to help her. This was our first time and my son has major separation anxiety in new situations but I approached her and asked her if she needed help, if I could carry one of her kids or help her in some other way. She thanked me and refused my help but was obviously struggling to manage everything. After she left more moms and kids arrived. I tried to initiate conversations with several people and was blown off. It was like being in a high school cafeteria with the stuck-up crowd. My son tried to initiate play with several kids and they just looked at him or ignored him. Finally I just picked up the toys we brought and we left without anyone even noticing or saying good-bye.
Perhaps I'm naive but I'm shocked at what we experienced. Aren't moms groups for supporting other moms, helping each other out and basically providing support networks for each other?
Both my son and I are social, decent people that don't have trouble making conversation or making friends. This was just a completely bizarre and awful group. Very disturbing and upsetting for me.
Time to look for another group, I guess.

[lactivist]

It definitely sounds weird and I think looking for a new group is the best idea.
Wendi

[twin monkeys]

So sorry you went through that I would say look for a new group. I was in one and it was like high school with all the gosip and back bitting I hated it I was the odd ball mom. I found two new ones that are so much more relaxed the one group is very BF freindly group the other one is laid back and the moms are there to help each other out. The one I found by accident I took my kids to : gasp Mc Donalds just to get them out of the house and let them have some time to play at the toddler gym they had and met the mom while she and I were busy watching the kids she told me all about the group and how great it was how they have 2-3 activites a day for diffrent age groups so I would say keep looking for a better fit good luck

[Finch]

Ew. If the not offering to help didn't put me off (which it certainly did) right away, the snottiness surely would. Yuck. Find a new play group.

I remember once when I was nannying, I brought one of the kids to a birthday party, and was carrying him up a steep hill (he was 3). I fell, he fell with me and hurt himself and was crying. Everybody just stood there and looked at us, no one bothered to ask "are you okay?" or try to help. I was so angry. That was my first taste of moms like that. I wasn't impressed.

Ditch 'em. Find people who are decent and down to earth.

[BusyMommy]

I think what bothers me is that they hang out and gossip w/o beign friends, kwim? Friends help b/c friends care. I'd seriously re-evaluate my playgroup comrades if I were that (organizer) Mother. :

[Hazelnut]

I swear, sometimes I really hate playgroups. I always have such high expectations of companionship and they are often disappointing.

[Nikki98]

Originally Posted by Hazelnut

I swear, sometimes I really hate playgroups. I always have such high expectations of companionship and they are often disappointing.

I feel the same way, and I can always tell from the initial group if it is right for me. I also can't stand when people act so fake and perfect. I like real people who are just comfortable being who they are. Hope you find a better group.

[newmommy]

, yeah, it's time to find another playgroup.

[marybethorama]

Originally Posted by Hazelnut

I swear, sometimes I really hate playgroups. I always have such high expectations of companionship and they are often disappointing.

I've so BTDT.

Actually the last playgroup I belonged to was ideal. The kids got along great and everyone was friendly and welcoming. I've had different experiences though

[wife&mommy]

I run a playgroup here and I know all the moms really try to welcome new people. That seems like a terrible experience! I hope you can find another group. Sorry

[Demeter9]

Yep. My favourite set of women. :

I never did manage to find a playgroup I liked while off work (1 year of mat. leave in Canada). I gave up.

HS is run by girls' hierarchies and rules pretty much, so it never surprises me that women's groups are so often like high school.

After a particularly bad one, I remember calling my Dad and saying, "do you remember when you said those kids would out grow that behavior? It turns out they don't, they just find new ways of being exclusive snots."

[onlyboys]

Did you try posting for a playgroup on the finding your tribes here? We've met a couple of cool mamas that way!

[MarthaT]

Originally Posted by Demeter9

After a particularly bad one, I remember calling my Dad and saying, "do you remember when you said those kids would out grow that behavior? It turns out they don't, they just find new ways of being exclusive snots."

This was my thought, too. I mean, most people have to adapt to the real world after high school or they just look like the jerks that they are. I guess this particular group found their kindred spirits and they can all be miserable and self-centered together.

[guestmama9915]

Unfortunately I am not surprised. Playgroups have always seemed very odd to me, I was never "welcomed" and I always ended up leaving w/o anyone noticing. Went to two of them and gave up.

[Finch]

Originally Posted by onlyboys

Did you try posting for a playgroup on the finding your tribes here? We've met a couple of cool mamas that way!

The mdc mamas in my tribal area have met several times. Not snotty at all. Do try that.

[felix23]

Sounds like the playgroup I visited. After 20 min of being ignored, I left and no one even noticed. I've visited a couple that were okay, but I've come to the conclusion that I'm no a playgroup kind of gal.

[AppleCrisp]

Originally Posted by Hazelnut

I swear, sometimes I really hate playgroups. I always have such high expectations of companionship and they are often disappointing.

Me too! I went to one that was supposedly NFL/AP at a local park, and no one talked to me at all. I went up to introduce myself, and they were like "oh hi" and then continued their conversation. I ended up sitting on a blanket with the baby by myself feeling totally stupid, until I gave up and left, and no one even noticed. I went to another one where the kids were all watching TV. And yet another one where the mom freaked out every time my 10 month old touched her baby's toys, and asked me to put each one in the sink every time he touched it. So I guess my point is that I totally sympathize! Maybe the key is to organize your own?

Also, if I were having people to my house, I know I would make at least a rudimentary attempt at hospitality!! Both playgroups I went to they never even offered a glass of water. Anyway, that's my playgorup vent!

[ReuseCrafter]

DD's only 6 m/o so we haven't been to one yet, but I have always feared that is how it would be, lol. I always figure I won't fit in.

It reminds me of a Jennifer Weiner novel I read called "Goodnight Nobody", about a New York mom who relocates to a suburb in Connecticut, and perpetually arrives at the playground in dirty sweats, big t-shirt and pony tail, while the other moms are dressed to kill in their coordinated designer clothes, perfect hair cuts and make-up on. She's always digging around the diaper bag looking for snacks (half stick of gum, stray cheerios) and they all have nicely packed prepared snacks, . When I read that I thought, "yeah, that would be me."

Anyway, good luck.

[Sarahbunny]

Originally Posted by ReuseCrafter

DD's only 6 m/o so we haven't been to one yet, but I have always feared that is how it would be, lol. I always figure I won't fit in.

It reminds me of a Jennifer Weiner novel I read called "Goodnight Nobody", about a New York mom who relocates to a suburb in Connecticut, and perpetually arrives at the playground in dirty sweats, big t-shirt and pony tail, while the other moms are dressed to kill in their coordinated designer clothes, perfect hair cuts and make-up on. She's always digging around the diaper bag looking for snacks (half stick of gum, stray cheerios) and they all have nicely packed prepared snacks, . When I read that I thought, "yeah, that would be me."

Anyway, good luck.

OOH, did you read "Little Earthquakes" by her? I loved that book.

[St. Margaret]

Little Children by Tom Perotta (sp?), while being about all kinds of other dark stuff, also has some great skewering of the snotty playgroup mom mentality, especially in the first part of the book... I thought it was pretty funny.