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How old is to old? - Page 4

Poll Results: How old is to old to sleep in the family bed?

  • 1% (5)
    1 year old
  • 2% (9)
    2 years old
  • 4% (19)
    3 years old
  • 4% (17)
    4 years old
  • 5% (23)
    5 years old
  • 4% (20)
    6 years old
  • 3% (14)
    7 years old
  • 5% (22)
    8 years old
  • 1% (8)
    9 years old
  • 5% (22)
    10 years old
  • 1% (8)
    11 years old
  • 4% (20)
    12 years old
  • 1% (7)
    13 years old
  • 8% (36)
    14 + years old
  • 44% (184)
    Other (please explain!)
414 Total Votes  
post #61 of 161
Originally Posted by ColoradoMama View Post
That's not necessarily fair. Some people are not comfortable sleeping with children in their bed. It doesn't make it wrong.
The question was how is too old to sleep in the family bed, not how old before you personally don't want them in YOUR bed. I read that as people are saying they thing those of us who co-sleep w/ older toddlers/kids are sick if they voted that 1 year olds are too old.
post #62 of 161
Originally Posted by wendy1221 View Post
The question was how is too old to sleep in the family bed, not how old before you personally don't want them in YOUR bed. I read that as people are saying they thing those of us who co-sleep w/ older toddlers/kids are sick if they voted that 1 year olds are too old.
I can see your point. I don't necessarily agree though. Just because someone thinks one thing doesn't mean they're not open to a different solution for other people. That's all I was pointing out. I didn't read anything about anyone saying it was sick.
post #63 of 161
I always like getting different points of view. We plan to co-sleep (honestly I'm too lazy to breast feed if the baby isn't right there!) but my in-law's think we're nuts. (Not in a mean way, just in a "you'll see" way.)

Of course in their family it's also a "funny" family story how at two my dp would stand at the baby gate and rattle the bars, crying for his parents until his older sister, age 9 would come and get him and take him to her bed! Personally I feel it's a tradegy!
post #64 of 161
I don't know

I'm just a lil' weirded out that a couple of people voted that 1 yr olds and 2 yr olds was "too old".
post #65 of 161
Originally Posted by ColoradoMama View Post
we have FOUR bedrooms upstairs, but we were ALL in one room!
That's how we are! ds1 in bed with us, ds2 in the crib in our room, and the dog and cat cuddling with us - we also have 3 otherwise-barely-used bedrooms
post #66 of 161
I voted other--I will let dd- and future children- decide when they are ready to "move out" of the family bed/ room. I know that when I was getting to be around 11/12 I really valued my independent time before bed to read/listen to music/write in my diary and I wanted to be alone.
That being said, my bed will always be there and there will never be a sign saying "you must be under this age to enter"
post #67 of 161
Originally Posted by irageo View Post
Well... I'm 33 and I sleep in my family bed every night. DS doesn't seem to have a problem with it.
post #68 of 161
I voted other. We are no hurry to have Rosie and Lelani out of the family bed. Aoon there will be a new addition to it.: Rosie turns 4 on the 23rd of this month and is NOWHERE NEAR ready for her own bed. With Lelani,she's still just a baby and she'll sleep with us for as long as she likes. Same with Eloise. To me,saying that a child is too old to sleep with you is like saying they are too old to nurse. Would it surprise you that my girls is still nursing and in July I'll be nursing 3 kids?
post #69 of 161
Originally Posted by StrawberryFields View Post
I voted 14+. Although I think that there are certainly exceptions, if a child is still regularly sleeping in the family bed by the time he/she begins high school, it may be time to encourage them to sleep in their own bed/bedroom instead.
Yeah, I'm down with this.

At this point I have no idea when/if I will encourage my child to sleep alone. She has her own bed now, but it's only for jumping on and watching TV. At night she always sleeps with me (she is 3). She has NO desire to sleep in her own bed, and honestly I feel like she is way too young. We'll see how it evolves as she grows.
post #70 of 161
Well, my dd2 is 21 months and I have pondered trying to move her into her own bed during her two's. (Not sure, just have pondered.) I don't think there is anything wrong with a child sleeping in his/ her parents' bed as long as everyone is cool with it, but my dh is getting a tad grumpy and she is kinda becoming a bit of a bed hog. (She likes to sleep perpendicular to the rest of us and I'm tired of being head butted during the night.) I slept with my mom when my dad was out of town thru junior high, I think, and I definitely would encourage our kiddos to come in and sleep with us if they had a bad dream or something. But full time cosleeping, I think I might personally be grumpy with older kiddos.
post #71 of 161
Originally Posted by paint-the-moon View Post
I posted something on a simliar thread ... My kids can sleep with me as long as they wish. As long as it works for both parents and kids, I don't believe there is an age that is "too old."

Personally, I slept with my parents until I was about 11. It wasn't every night after the age of 8 ... but I loved sleeping with my mama and daddy (they divorced when I was about 9, and my brother and I both co-slept with both parents after that as well ... in fact, we *needed* to co-sleep even more after such a traumatic event in our family). Heck, I slept with my mama for a few nights last year at the age of 31 when my hubby was out of town and I was pregnant.

When my little brother died a few years ago my family set up camp in my living room ... all of us slept together on the floor for about a week to comfort one another ... my mom and dad (who have been divorced for 20 years), me and my husband (DH next to me ... not next to my parents ). As we all laid there not sleeping - crying night after night - to be able to reach out and hold each others hands and find shelter in the love from one another was amazing. I don't know how I would have gotten through those first horrible days without them there like that.

Nothing wrong with being close to our mama and papa. Sharing sleep is a natural and loving thing!

I wonder what it is about pg that makes us want our mamas? Dh was out of the country a ton during my pg. I conapped with my mama a few times. My sisters (15 and 12) will come over to my house and sleep with me if dh is out of town. I coslept with the rents till about 4 and then they bought a king sized bed for the 3 of us kids. We kids co slept till i was about 8 when my stepmom thought i was old enough for my own bed. We all had beds in the same room still (one HUGE room) and most nights we ended up squished together.

I HATE sleeping alone. I remember being a teenager and just loving havig my baby sisters (3 and 1 at the time) snuggle up with me.

So really i dont see a definate age to stop if everyone is getting sleep.
post #72 of 161
WOW I am surprised that anyone would say 1.
post #73 of 161
My friends have always found my own sleeping situation growing up to be insanely funny.

I'm the oldest, and I slept with my parents. When I was 3 my sister was born, and we BOTH slept with my parents. At some point, they put us in our own rooms, but my sister and I would always just sleep with each other no matter what room we were initially put down in. Then when I was 10, my little brother was born. He slept with my parents til he was bout 2, then they kicked him out because he kicked them all night and he came and slept with me and my sister. The 3 of us shared the same bed til I graduated high school and went to college, and we would still all sleep together whenever I visited home.

Now I'm 23 and married, and when I was visiting home last week while DH was out of town, I still slept with my 13-year-old brother! He's the only kid at home now, but whenever my dad goes out of town he sleeps with my mom (and when my sister visits from college, he sleeps with her).

So anyway, I think there is no age at which anyone needs to be put out of bed unless it becomes uncomfortably cramped or something.
post #74 of 161
I could just as easily have voted other since I can't think of an age when I would forbid my children to sleep in my bed if they needed me I would hope that they would primarily be sleeping without me by say 12. We have four bedrooms but usually either all end up in the king sized bed or Dh is in one room with DD#1 and I'm in another with DD#2. We would like to try to get them in a queen bed together because DD#1 tends to wake up in the bed alone before we come to bed. Just the last week or so we've been putting them to bed at the same time in the same bed and that's working pretty well for us. We get them to sleep then DH and I go downstairs for grown-up time. If this continues to be a comfortable solution then I can't see any pressing need to move any one out unless we do have another baby because there's not really any more room. There is plenty of room for a futon or another mattress in our room though so we could certainly go that route.
post #75 of 161
I voted "other". Living in Japan has really changed my outlook on a lot of things. Our DD loves to spend the night with her Japanese friend and thinks it is great that Great Grandma, Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, Dad, her friend, and her friend's sister all sleep in the same room. They also all bathe together at night. Honestly, I think this arrangement is pretty neat--families here are so loving and respectful of one another, it's really nice. Maybe before moving here I would have said, I don't know, when child gets married; but now I'm not too sure
post #76 of 161
Every kid is so different! I still sleep with my mom when I visit...I'm 31!
post #77 of 161
I voted other. I don't think you can slap an arbitrary age on when a child should leave the family bed. You really hav to rely more on family dynamics and individual comfort levels.

My dd is close to 6 and sleeps with us. She can come or go as she pleases until one of us, or all of us feel uncomfortable about the arrangement.
post #78 of 161
I voted other. My youngest ds and I just went out of town to visit my mom. In her room/ bed or matress on the floor by the morning was her, my son, and myself, and my 2 sisters who are 5 and 11. So I don't think there is a to old! Either that or we just have a very close family, but it works for us, and we like it!!
post #79 of 161
I voted other too. I just can't put a cap on it like that. With 4 kids and one on the way we do have limited space though.My older two generally sleep together sometimes they sleep with us too...
post #80 of 161
I also voted "other". I feel like it is all relative to the child and family. I have been reading "The Unprocessed Child" by Valerie Somecrazylastname (sorry, Valerie ) and she says (and I agree) that there is no reason to force a child into an environment in which they do not feel safe, at any age. As adults, if we wake in the night from a terrible nightmare, most of us can roll over and get reassurance from our partner, or at least not be in a room alone to deal with the fear. Children don't have the ability to distinguish dreams from reality as well as adults do. I have no desire to put my child in that type of situation. There will come a time in my life when I will wish I could hear her breathing lying on a palette beside my bed.

All that said, dd is 9 and ds is 2 and they both sleep in our room. When #3 comes we'll have to make another spot, but it will work.

That book is da bomb, btw. Go get it.
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