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February dating thread - Page 6

post #101 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by Holland73 View Post
:

If you are comparing the man you are dating to your X, then you are more than likely not over X.

In all honesty, it also is not fair to the man you are dating.

Take some time for yourself. There is not reason to rush into dating.

I can see how what I wrote or how I wrote it would indicate that I'm not over my X, but actually I feel that the comparisons, to a certain extent, are positive. He really played a large role in me developing my strong ideas and preferences about what I want in a partner.. and despite my sometimes cynical mindset that there's not many men out there that will meet those standards, the guy I mentioned actually seems to. I am still kinda cynical because I think most people put their best behaviour on display early on and that their true selves can be either pretty close to that or very, very far from it and that only time can tell, but so far, to my total suprise, he's starting to win me over and we are developing a connection and some genuine chemistry. I even made out with him a little. Which, for me, is a huge step since I've gone on multiple dates since the break up and haven't felt comfortable with or any kind of interest in even kissing anyone. I'm going to continue taking it slow and being self aware... but I'm kinda, sorta starting to like this guy.
post #102 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by Holland73 View Post
Try another site. Some sites are a lot more of a "meat market" than others.

I have read that a lot of mamas, from here, are on Match.com.

Take in mind...there a lot more idiots than there are gems on any dating website. Sadly, it is the same irl.

You have to weed through them and approach the ones that ring your "oh, he sounds like a good one" instinct.
so true, i met my ex on a poem website tho, www.unsolvedmysteries.com, im a frequent contributor( well used to be) and made several freidns on there, but after her and how she treated me i gave up dating for a while and decided to take it slowly,


yeah im not a single parent, althoguh several of the parents ive worked with have tried to set me up with girls before, but the thing of it is im really scared i would get my heart torn in half like before.

no bragging here, but im your typical nice guy:


dont constantly think of a relationship as sex only

dont want to meet a girl just to sleep with her

really enjoy holding hands and walking on the beach type thing

etc. etc.


yet right now i dont know of anyone out there that is like that, alot of the girls i try to meet that are my age want, plastic hollywood types (ie, muscular, skinny, etc. etc. ). i thoght my ex was like that, tho, cause she seemed that way, boy was i wrong, no she didnt like me for my looks BUT she just used me for my kindness .

i can say for a fact that this valentines day sucked!, i really wished i had someone just to cuddle with, a close friend etc.


either way, good luck to all the mamas out there
post #103 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammakerry View Post
I don't know. I'm on okcupid, and it's a tad annoying. I keep getting messages from guys who want to sleep with me. You'd think the "I have two kids" statement would weed them out, but apparently they think it makes me easy? : I'm on there just cause I was bored one night and saw that all of you are on there.
okcupid? never heard of it,

im on eharmony but filling out thsoe paper bits really get to me.


as for that part, i know what you mean, ive had that happen to several friends and due to that they had to even put their myspace on private, even i did the same because i kept on getting really sick stuff from some really sick people!! isnt there someting you can put on your site saying look im not into just sleeping around?!
post #104 of 152

..dating as a single mom???

Well, this one caught my eye... I have "chatted"on line with a couple of men, but it usually boils down to ...you are a busy person... let's connect later..or something to that effect... or a shirtless photo. Ick .:

Then I sigh a sigh of relief...I am busy, and I'm not sure that I want to deal with adding another person into my "world" Is that strange or what????

I have a 10 year old daughter and a 15 year old son, and one cat... My ex lives about 300 miles away and every other weekend we meet halfway and off they go....but usually I have so much to do, that I don't get much downtime, as I work full time throughout the week.

There is a good male friend in my life, and we have been close for well over a year now. We both want to stay "single" and don't like to date... And that truly has been the most fufilling relationship I have had in my life...It is what it is ... He is like the gravy on the mashed potatoes of my life. The idea of being intimate with anyone else has never crossed my mind, nor his. My gal friends think I am insane, but it works for me. And believe me, he has enough unresolved issues that the single thing we have works! But his heart is like a lion's, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
post #105 of 152
Hi ladies I figured since I started dating this month I could write....Not much, just a couple people from the internet....very safe and neutral!

One was a cop...na...not my style, and the other is a tree dr, fixer guy. And although we are not dateing yet we talk. We have discussed energy and healing and he meditates in the mornings.....I just hope that he isn't a 4:20 Worshiper, but I guess I will find out soon.
I know that that man is out there!

Love and Light!
post #106 of 152
Not much is new on the dating front with me. I've been chatting with the same guy for about 3 months- military man/police officer( the only kind of man I date for some reason, fetish maybe lol) from Guam(island),currently deployed. I like him, don't know if it will lead anywhere and we are polar opposites( He's an islander/I'm a country girl) but it's fun for now. I also like that he's deployed so there's a lot of time to get to know him and we won't be rushing into anything.
By the way- there are SO many dating sites out there. I had no idea there were so many!
Good luck gals!:
post #107 of 152
Wanna hear something super cute?
Ds is very insistant that my boyfriend NEVER leave the house without a kiss and a hug. Kev will say bye and Byron chases him down making kissing noises and asking to be picked up. And of course Kev picks him up and blows on his cheek and ds just giggles like mad.
: I think they are in love.
post #108 of 152
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post #109 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by OdeToJoy View Post

I really don't know how to gently tell him that it's TRULY not going to happen. I don't want to depress him...but it's just not right for me to let him have that hope.

He's in a rough spot right now (he's so stressed about his divorce and his horrible job). Although he's going through a divorce right now, they've been separated for a long time.
I feel about doing this...but do I really have a choice?

Any suggestions?
Don't tell him gently. You need to be honest and straight-forward with a bit of understanding and compassion.

Chances are that you will hurt him, but if you are honest and straight-forward it will allow him to get over the disappointment easier/quicker.

Use "I" statements..."I'm sorry, but I don't want to take this relationship to the next level. I don't just don't feel that way about you." Don't let him talk, or guilt, you into reconsidering. Chances are he will try...that is what people do when they are feeling hurt and vulnerable. BE STRONG!

I am sorry that he is in a rough spot...that really sucks. But, that is NOT your responsibility and everyone takes a chance at getting hurt when entering into a new relationship. Better now than later.
post #110 of 152
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Holland73 View Post
Don't tell him gently. You need to be honest and straight-forward with a bit of understanding and compassion.

Chances are that you will hurt him, but if you are honest and straight-forward it will allow him to get over the disappointment easier/quicker.

Use "I" statements..."I'm sorry, but I don't want to take this relationship to the next level. I don't just don't feel that way about you." Don't let him talk, or guilt, you into reconsidering. Chances are he will try...that is what people do when they are feeling hurt and vulnerable. BE STRONG!

I am sorry that he is in a rough spot...that really sucks. But, that is NOT your responsibility and everyone takes a chance at getting hurt when entering into a new relationship. Better now than later.
That's good advice Holland I'll heed it too
post #111 of 152
Hi all! haven't been around in a bit, getting kind of busy, but thought I'd post a quick update!

Wedding planning is going pretty well and I'm really looking forward to it. DP and I planned to get postcards as invitations (from vistaprint) and I said, "We need a picture of the two of us for the invitations." He said, "Why wouldn't the girls be in the picture too?" So we took a cute picture of us all at the beach, big grins and dirty clothes, and the headline "We're making it official!" then a wedding invitation from all four of us. It just feels so wonderful, that this is all about family and that DP understands that so well. I'll send a link to the picture if I can get it worked out. And I've ordered the fabric for our wedding clothes, and DP is getting some metal to make our wedding rings (he's got a metal lathe he loves working on, and made a set of rings for friends once, and I love the idea of wearing something he makes, more precious than anything!) And I'm looking forward to seeing his creativity...he used to paint and I enjoy seeing anything he's made (even the things he makes for his carpentry jobs, it's just awesome, that power of helping something take form).

It's so strange, there are so many little things I've had to realize are truly just little things, and accept them regardless of whether they drive me crazy because our relationship is about much more than any technical list of requirements. For instance, DP goes to the store, it takes twice as long as it would anyone else, I have just accepted and embraced that part of him. Or he's messy (but so am I) and eats a ton. And I love him for all of it. I am really enjoying this process of learning about the importance of the relationship as a partnership and acceptance rather than "does this person please me?" Just wanted to share!

And my pregnancy is going well, I'm finally feeling baby move, and enjoy that...DP can't wait until he feels baby (although he did once as we startled him/her by manipulating my uterus a little too much ). The girls have been practicing playing baby/mom/grandma and alternating roles, it's so cute.

(Oh, and I agree about letting someone go clearly and compassionately. Yes, it'll hurt, but that's because he invested himself before maybe it was safe, and that's part of love. It's risky. Big losses, big gains, they're part of the whole process.)
post #112 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by Holland73 View Post
Chances are he will try...that is what people do when they are feeling hurt and vulnerable. BE STRONG!
Yep. He keeps trying to talk me into giving it more time, etc etc. He even played the 'love' card. He doesn't love me. He's never been in love before (he told me himself). He just knows that most women want to hear that a man loves her. I have a feeling that I'm going to even have to end our friendship. He just won't let it go.
post #113 of 152
If he just doesn't want to let it go, then you have to be firm and make sure there is no other option.

I've found that yes, it hurts when I like someone more than they like me and they tell me it's over....but when I *know* there is no chance, it's easier and faster to get over than hanging on to some hope of 'maybe'.

You'll do him and yourself a huge favor by cutting the ties clearly and quickly.
post #114 of 152
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post #115 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by OdeToJoy View Post
I have to admit that this is actually hard on me, too. I really haven't had anyone interested in me/attracted to me in years. After being celebate for over 4 yrs, one can get tempted by casual....er...relations. But, I must be strong.
i sooo know that feeling, my last g/f who i thight cared about me and who i was rather than my outside wasnt all that ithgoht shed be , heck way before that i every girlk that said i was hot etc, did it as a joke and now after i put off dating, its the same, i dont want to get my heart torn in two, but really am regretting feeling so lonley, i sooo wish i had someone to hold close and just to cuddle with,
but oh well, ijust gotta keep telling mysellf she will come i know it !


i already have the ring planned out too , it will cost alot to symbolize how long i waited.


im more comfortable talking online and then meeting cause then i get to know the person a bit better, especially cause i stutter/talk like a motorboat in person, but my last g/f i thgoht i knew her, she was sooo great online but inreal life i jst hpe the next one is what she says she is, etc. i got mucho love to give, and when i find someone i think ill be able to give it too, i reach the end of the tunnel i dotn go fast, but really honesty is the thing, just tell me how you feel, etc, ill always listen, it also helps me make myself a better person, going so fast isnt my thing but all it takes is honesty much like myself,


bottom line, i dont want to die alone ,


sorry. bout that, just going through some stff right now and makikng me realize that being single isnt all that cracked up to be.
post #116 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by OdeToJoy View Post
Yep. He keeps trying to talk me into giving it more time, etc etc. He even played the 'love' card. He doesn't love me. He's never been in love before (he told me himself). He just knows that most women want to hear that a man loves her. I have a feeling that I'm going to even have to end our friendship. He just won't let it go.
just curious what makes you say he doesnt love you? case he said that hes never been love? just curious heck i dont want to mess anything up, with the next person that comes along.

ive been in love before, but wow how much it hurt when the person i loved turnd my love around and forgot it all!(long story id go into novel if i told all of it) bottom line was i told her PLEASE be honest with me, as i am with you ( i told her everytying and would definitly tell her if i didnt feel comfortabel etc. ) but the way she said WERE OFF for no other reason other than, HES SUCH A KNOW IT ALL ANNOYING LOOSER!!, this was from the person who would call me everyday and who i wold call every day just to say i loved her, if thats annoyhing/a bad guy i dont know what a good guy is .
post #117 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suprakid1982 View Post
just curious what makes you say he doesnt love you?
Because we had talked about love and he said that he doesn't feel it but he hopes to one day be in love with someone. I had told him that I couldn't marry someone (we were talking about marriage) that didn't love me.
Yeah, so then magically, 2 days later he says he feels love for me. He's just desperate to have someone in his life...and it's not about love. Trust me. I know. I'm 40 yrs old and have seen A LOT when it comes to love.
post #118 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suprakid1982 View Post
...bottom line was i told her PLEASE be honest with me, as i am with you ( i told her everytying and would definitly tell her if i didnt feel comfortabel etc. ) but the way she said WERE OFF for no other reason other than, HES SUCH A KNOW IT ALL ANNOYING LOOSER!!, this was from the person who would call me everyday and who i wold call every day just to say i loved her, if thats annoyhing/a bad guy i dont know what a good guy is .
It sounds like there was something else going on and she wasn't being honest. Dating online is really great....but you have to know what questions to ask and what you really want to know about a person. It's so important.

Being a good guy is great. You just have to find someone who is on the same page as you! It will work. Hang in there....you can have love, real love in your life!
post #119 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by OdeToJoy View Post
Yep. He keeps trying to talk me into giving it more time, etc etc. He even played the 'love' card. He doesn't love me. He's never been in love before (he told me himself). He just knows that most women want to hear that a man loves her. I have a feeling that I'm going to even have to end our friendship. He just won't let it go.
I agree with MsChatsAlot- be firm. Don't let him think there is ANY chance of getting together.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Suprakid1982 View Post
bottom line, i dont want to die alone ,


sorry. bout that, just going through some stff right now and makikng me realize that being single isnt all that cracked up to be.
I'm sorry you're having a rough time, Suprakid1982. Don't give up- there are some good women out there Heck, I can't tell you how many times in the past few yours I've read on here some single woman cursing up and down that there are no good men out there (and I believed it too!). But look- there are women on this very thread who have met the good ones! So don't lose hope. You'll meet the perfect woman for you some day!
post #120 of 152
Oh, and the reason I came to this thread..... *cough cough*.... my date for this weekend is on his way up here right now We actually hit a little snag a few hours ago when his weekend boss (waiter at a restaurant on weekends) told him he was scheduled to work this weekend (when he had already requested- and been approved- to have the weekend off). He told his boss he was already out of town so his boss told him if he didn't show up he was fired So he drove back, got a list of people who also work there, and took off driving again. While driving he started calling people. He's found someone to cover Saturday and Sunday but not tonight. So, he may not have his weekend job when he comes back (I'll feel absolutely horrible if he gets fired over this ). But he should be up here in a few hours
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