February dating thread - Page 3

[TalkToMeNow]

Bun karma! I love it!! I want some bun karma...

[TalkToMeNow]

So, the guy I was seeing ended up freaking me out... moving way too fast. Ah, well... Hate to hurt people, though.

Went on a date Friday with a woman (cause I'm a serial dater...) She's nice, doesn't seem like a crazy fast mover. Yea! I like slow... and normal... that's what I need right now.

shiloh, I find it much easier to meet women than men. Of course, I don't try to meet men. So that prolly makes a difference, eh? The guy I was dating, he's trans... still a man, but deeply involved in the "queer community" so it was kind of the same. I think women (and trans men) etc, are more into kids because it's so hard to have kids, you know? With two women...? Just a thought...

[TalkToMeNow]

Oh, wait, I forgot... it's acutally because I'm irresistable...

[stirringleaf]

Originally Posted by mammakerry

Hey, it is the dating thread! There's bun karma all over here! Look at Jillian and Jster!

you GUYS !!!!!! you put the pixie dust elsewhere. i am counting down the days till AF comes, and i finally stopped being in a panic about it a couple days ago. so

KNOCK IT OFF!!!!!!


i completely love the person who would be the potentil um, co-baker , of this supposed bun but neither of us are ready for any of that kind of thing not even remotely as we are not even certain we want to be a couple. he was just supposed to be the friend with benifits. ( and risks ) he is way younger than me...i feel very very blessed to have him in my life but no more bun jokes in my direction cuz i have lots more tomatoes where that one came from!

speaking of which. if anyone has a favorite kind of anti-bun device ,especially the kind that is avaliable at a drugstore and is anti-other kinds of things, please PM me. i am embarrassed to say that in 7 years of marriage i never bought them myself and dont know what to pick , my last co-baker was not that picky i guess???? this one is though. i hope the baking references wer not to explict i think any really young person will mainly just get confused by them? maybe not? but i am such a prude mainly that i am not really going to ask anywhere but here and i really dont want to stand around in walgreens reading all the boxes thats just too much for me!

[TalkToMeNow]

pm'd you, stirringleaf

[Haydee]

I'd love some bun karma.. except that Chris is leaving. Where's the pouting smiley?

[BelovedK]

Originally Posted by mammakerry

Hey, it is the dating thread! There's bun karma all over here! Look at Jillian and Jster!

[BelovedK]

BWAHAHAHAHA!


I'm waiting for AF as well

[Jilian]

I'll keep all of my bun dust to myself I guess, unless anyone wants me to sprinkle some : :

It sounds like everyone is doing pretty well. I love hearing all of the dating stories, I remember dating as a single mom and it was hard work!

Stirringleaf, I hope the birthday went well, let us know how it went!

Beloved: Your posts always make me laugh. You could write episodes for Sex and the City!

Steph: I can't wait until your "friend" comes to visit, I want to hear all about it! :

Jster: Glad to hear things are going well!

Nothing new going on here. I'm still pregnant (24 weeks) and my nephew was born on Monday! DP is doing great but working a ton. He's starting to get really excited about the new babe. We're kind of falling into the "old married couple" routine so I think I need to put a little more effort into revitalizing our relationship. Other than that, things are the same.

[JustVanessa]

So I am kinda upset and I don't know if it is what bf said or if I am just super tired from working 28hrs in 2 days.

I was at work and me and bf were on the phone. He was lets say, slightly lubricated. Not drunk but not sober either. He called to tell me he missed me. Very sweet.
Anyways we got to talking a little about future plans. We plan to move in together sometime in the future, no date set yet. He was lubricated enough to spill his guts a little. He told me that he is nervous about it and doesn't want to screw anything up with me or ds. That is fine, normal to be nervous. Then comes the kick in the gut.
He then says that its always in the back of his mind that he doesn't want to be taken advantage of. WTF?
Does he think I am with him for his money? In all honesty he doesn't make that much. He is comfortable b/c he lives a low key lifestyle within his means. He is not loaded.
I feel sick that he even remotely thinks I am in this relationship to be supported. For goodness sakes, I work 2 jobs about 50 hrs a week. I support myself just fine. Even with ex not paying child support right now I will be just fine.
He is always offering to help me out financially and I am always turning him down. Sometimes he buys groceries but thats it (or pays for my dinner). I pay all my own bills and can continue to do so with or without him. And he knows that.

I just think that after 6 months of dating he should realize that I am not in this for his money.

I need a hug and a good night sleep.

[stirringleaf]

thats a bummer justvanessa...i dont know what to tell ya. maybe just let him work out his nervousness ? i have learned that when i am drunk i work myself up more about thiings than i normally would. i would maybe let it sit for a day or so and talk when he is sober?


ok. here is the birthday party situation.

things with X got super nasty due to taxes and the earned income credit. i have had ds more more more than half time and X wanted to claim him anyways. and X claimed way too many deductions on his taxes ( yes this has to do with the story) than he should have so he owes taxes without the EIC. i filed for it. X got real mad. things got ugly. he said he was gonna take me tou court for custody. you know, so he can claim ds on taxes next year. anyways after a bunch of stuff happened, even before this incident, i told him he wasnt welcome in my house anymore. so after the tax thign i call him up and ask if we can just do 2 birthday parties for ds. that i didnt really feel like trying to plan a party with him, and i didnt want him in my house, etc. he said no. that "for ds" we MUST both be there at the same birthday party. I asked ds what he thought about having 2 parties. he was like "yeah dude, 2 parties, more fun for me!" X said no way. and said that he couldnt throw ds a party himself becasue he doesnt know anyone with kids to invite ( he hasnt formed relationships with the parents of ds's friends like i have, nor has he been at the preschool much to know who those kids are)

X was adamant. Then i said, well, thanks to Holiday helpers, i got 2 gift certificats for year memberships at the local childrens museum where they also host parties. its a fun indoor playspace, its neutral, and maybe we could get a deal on a party. i used one year membership for this year and hadnt decided what to do with the second year ( there are other kinds of memberships too and they said i could upgrade also later if i choose) . but i never ot an answer from them when i asked about using it toward a party. ( back in Jan someone said she needed to ask a director or something) so.

i got busy with school. X starts asking me if i have set things up for the party. i said well, you could help me and call the childrens museum up for me and see if i can use this gift certificat that way and if so make a reservation. he calls. makes a reservation. pays for half and committs me to the other half. i owe 38 bucks. then when i ask about the GC he says "its your GC you should have asked." so then i dont get around to asking because X has ALREADY told ds his party will be at the childrens museum, and ds is set on it. i figure, oh well. i will pay it if it doesnt work out.

Then he moves in with his girlfriend on Wednesday cuz i "took his tax money and he is broke"

Then. on Thursday of this past week, after all this hubub about the party he calls me and says " my work wants to send me to Kentucky ( i think it was Kentucky) for a special computer training seminar. I would leave on Monday and be gone all week." This initialy sucked becasue thurdsay are impossible for me to pick ds up from school. Then he calls Friday and goes " well, my work got the plane tickets, and i leave sunday, and will miss the party."

He doesnt work for the freaking military! why on earth would a company send an employee to a training so last minute. i sort of think he forgot, or procrastinated, the deadline for the thing and ended up with crappy plane tickets. thats what i think. or he lied and had the reservations forever ago, just forgot he was leaving on Sunday, so made up all the junk about monday to cover up so it looked like it was his work's doing.

THEN TODAY. i call ds to wish him happy b-day in the morning cuz he is at x's house . they are in the car. The girlfriend is with them. DS asks me "can Emily come to my birthday?" and what am i gonna say, no? so i say "of course sweetie! " and hope that the grown up Emily and Grown up X will realize that is sooooo not needed. and horrendously awkward since i have talked to her maybe twice. She is nice, but please! do i need to deal with that when trying to do a party?????? AAAAGHGHGHGHG

X drops ds off this afternoon, and says " by the way. can you please be nice to her?" really. i cant get enough of that comment.

so yes. i was nice. i wish i would have had a moment alone with her actually. i would like to talk to her and become friends, actually. i think it would make x not be able to make things up about me to her. she would see i am a regular person. you know, cuz i am not really a maniac like my x likes to tell me i am.

the kids had a blast and went insane. there were parents there i didnt know from ds's school but everything was so nice. i almost forgot to have him open presents in front of them. that was lame of me. but i remembered at the last minute to the satisfaction of all. i probably looked like a flake but i was under alot of pressure and i really dont caare. the kids had so much fun and could have cared less if we did everything in the right order.

thanks for reading my novel.

and, yeah, i am sort of seeing a really cute young man who yes indeed made a very short appearance at the party wich made me happy. just felt like a little bit of background support even though i essentially ignored him there. but he understood.

[Jilian]

Stirringleaf: Wow, it sounds like planning the party was a lot of unnecessary stress because of your ex! I'm glad it still went well. I can't believe that ex's GF came to the party without ex, that must have been awkward. I honestly don't think I would let my ex's GF come without him, that was really nice of you!

Yay for the cute young man making a debut at the party!

JustVanessa: That comment would probably leave me a little hurt and confused too. IMO, if it's the first time he's said or done something like that then maybe you should just let it go this time. You did say he had been drinking so there is a chance that he was having some trouble really expressing his feelings and just put his foot in his mouth. But if other things have been "off" then you may want to bring this up with him and deal with it before you move things to the next level.

[cheyennemama]

Just a big ole vent!

I'm such a loser! Not in general, just this isolated issue!

I've had this ongoing crush on this guy from my school for A YEAR. I just adored him from a class a year ago and I never could forget about him. I was married (unhappily) at the time, but he just knew me as married. Fast forward to TODAY. I spent two hours in his presence at a school function and I barely even spoke to him! I couldn't find the nerve to strike up any conversation with him that would've led to "BTW, I'm divorced." I finally had to end the evening (babysitter) and I just said "goodbye" to everyone and left. And there goes my crush! Still has no idea I'm single, no idea I like him! UGH!

No response necessary. I just need some serious flirting skills...... Time to go cry in my pillow!

[StephandOwen]

Just popping in real quick before bed to say that our date's been put off another week. It just wasn't going to work out for either of us (he drives a car that would *not* work well at all in the snow, and we've got quite a bit of snow, with more on the way, so we're hoping another week will clear it all out. And my dad (who was going to watch O while I went out) thinks he wants to go out of town that weekend so I have noone else who would watch Owen). But the next week (March 2-5) I have that weekend off work so it works out MUCH better. And now I just cross my fingers that his work won't freak about him switching his time off again

[solareyna]

I just have one tiny vent. By the way, I am loving listening to all these stories. Is it absolutely normal for guys to talk about their ex's alot? Ok, great guy that I am with. We get along great, we are both in love but he talks about his ex all the time. Not in a "i miss her" kind of way but kind of just pointing out everything I do different (and better, according to him) than she did. I suppose it was because they were together so long (7 yrs) and the divorce was just final in December so it is still pretty fresh. We were having dinner the other day and he kind of nonchalantly said "I never knew life could be this good." which made me feel great and loved but we will go out with friends and at least one story will come up about her. i just can't go very long without hearing something related to his marriage or her and all his friends that we hang out with knew them, not just him. Am I being overcritical? I never feel that I am second best and I never feel that he is thinking about her more than me, I guess its just part jealousy that they have so many memories together and that is why he mentions her so much. Should I just get over it?

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by solareyna

Is it absolutely normal for guys to talk about their ex's alot?

No, I don't believe it is absolutely normal for guys to talk about their ex's a lot. I feel it is a HUGE red flag. It is typically a sign that he is not over the relationship...mentally/emotionally. That can be very dangerous.

Additionally, his comparison's between you and his ex would also be a red flag to me.

Be careful. These tend to often be signs of an unhealthy rebound relationship.

Should I just get over it?

IMO, I don't think you should ever "just get over it." You need to figure out what your intuition is telling you and why. If you ignore it, you could come to regret not questioning what your instincts were telling you to question.

[Jster]

stirringleaf, glad the party went well even if your ex is such a dork!!

Steph, sorry to hear about the delay but maybe it will work out better in the end!

Cheyenne, hugs on not feeling forward, I'm not good at it either, which is part of why online dating helped for me. At least then we both knew we were looking!!

Vanessa, that comment is a little frustrating. Have you talked to him about it? I very much agree with you about the value of financial independence, and I'm struggling with that a bit myself. It's not that I was "independent" because I still had a lot of family help, but now that DP and I have a future together, we have to consider one another a lot more than I'm used to! And there are some kinks to work out...but we're getting there. I hope that you get a better answer from him next time you talk.

Solareyna, I agree that's a sign that someone is not over their ex. If they talk about their ex in day to day ways, then they haven't really gone through all the grieving process. Listen to yourself about this, and talk to him about it as well. But it is something to be concerned about (as you are) and I agree with Holland, don't "just get used to" anything that bothers you!!

Not much going on here...wedding plans are moving along! We finally have a place, at a really nice park/beach nearby, and a date, and our pastor is free, so that's cool! I'm looking at dress patterns and hoping to sew up some clothes, along with, of course, all the other craziness of life! I'm getting very excited. Oh, and DP and I are hopefully going to come up with some sort of prenuptial agreement opting out of no-fault divorces, and instead only allowing a divorce for adultery, abuse, abandonment, or mutual consent. It just feels better that way, and we both agree that's what marriage SHOULD be. Anyways...

I'm starting to wonder how to tell people at the law school...after all, I kind of had this huge reputation (at least if felt that way to me!) as the single mother, and here I am, pregnant and engaged. I just know it will generate gossip, which I don't really care about, I just want to avoid the thought of it, kwim? Heck, most of these people have no kid plans in any sort of future, so I'm just crazy to them. I'll be showing soon enough (it's still somewhat hidden), it just feels a little weird.

Hope everyone is having a great week!!

[JustVanessa]

Well I decided against talking to bf about his comment. I will just keep it in the back of my mind that it is something he is worried about. I think he realizes he upset me though. I came home from work yesterday to 12 longstem roses. :
That was nice. I haven't ever gotten roses before.

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by Jster

Not much going on here...wedding plans are moving along! We finally have a place, at a really nice park/beach nearby, and a date, and our pastor is free, so that's cool! I'm looking at dress patterns and hoping to sew up some clothes, along with, of course, all the other craziness of life! I'm getting very excited.

How exciting, I am so happy for you. What a wonderful time! Enjoy it, enjoy it, enjoy it!

I'm starting to wonder how to tell people at the law school...after all, I kind of had this huge reputation (at least if felt that way to me!) as the single mother, and here I am, pregnant and engaged. I just know it will generate gossip, which I don't really care about, I just want to avoid the thought of it, kwim? Heck, most of these people have no kid plans in any sort of future, so I'm just crazy to them. I'll be showing soon enough (it's still somewhat hidden), it just feels a little weird.

Hope everyone is having a great week!!

I can understand your concern, but honestly, I am not sure what you can do about it.

Take it all with a grain of salt, and since you said they already think you are crazy (how can you not love the "crazy" one in the class ), then you will just up your crazy status! Plus, you must be pretty darn popular if people feel the desire/need to gossip about you, right? How lovely to be on someone else's mind so much that they need to spread the news? Is that a good positive spin???

[stirringleaf]

when i feel like i am being gossiped about i decide to take a secret thrill in WOWING people even more. the friend i am seeing but not dating if that makes sense who showed up at the party told me that in order to make up conversation he said he was "there" when i made the cupcakes. i dont know why. he doesnt know why he said it. he realised that after he said it it might seem like he lived at my house or something. we just kind of laughed about that. and the other day there was a costume party fundraiser for my school. a mom told me i should go, and asked what i would dress up as. i said "its a costume party?" and she said "yeahj! you go as a famous couple!" i said i dont have a couple. it was awkward. then a femal friend i was with said "ill go with you, we can be a lesbian couple!"

so now they ~REALLY must be wondering!!!!!